


Pick Up Your Crazy Heart (And Give It One More Try)

by whispered_story



Series: Pick Up Your Crazy Heart [1]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: First Time, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Slow Build, Supernatural and J2 Big Bang Challenge 2012
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-08
Updated: 2015-09-08
Packaged: 2018-04-19 19:14:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 58,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4757768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whispered_story/pseuds/whispered_story
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Supernatural is easily the best thing that ever happened to Jensen - he's finally the lead on a TV show, plays a badass demon hunter every day, and works with Jared. Over time, their friendship grows, enough so that they spend most of their free time together and Jensen becomes unofficial co-parent to Jared's dogs. It works out perfectly, until things get complicated after a random hook-up that leaves Jensen confused and their friendship cracked. Jensen's never planned on settling down with another person; but when he realizes his feelings for Jared aren't going to disappear, he starts to wonder if maybe he's ready to give it a try.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> [Art](http://domo-mea.livejournal.com/5358.html) by the lovely [kros-21](http://kros-21.livejournal.com).

** Season 1 **

Jensen has a bucket list.

He started the list in his senior year of high school, once he'd made up his mind about going to Los Angeles and trying his hand at acting. His plans for the future had been so uncertain, so _unrealistic_ , and having a list of all the things he wanted to do, to achieve, gave Jensen something more definite. Having his dreams written down on paper made them feel more real and forced Jensen not to lose sight of what he wanted.

Jensen had always liked being organized, liked to make notes of things he needed to do so he wouldn't forget, and the list became a constant reminder of what he had set out to do. Over the years, he added new things, crossed others out, and ticked off things he'd achieved. 

Almost a decade later, the list is two pages long, written on both sides of the paper, tucked away in a manila envelope that Jensen keeps in the drawer of his nightstand.

There are all kinds of things on Jensen's bucket list, from small things to long-term goals, from silly ideas to his biggest dreams. " _Buy my own house_ " comes right after " _Get a dog_ ", followed by " _Go skinny dipping (you wuss)_." There's " _Ride in a hot air balloon_ ", " _Learn how to sail_ ", " _travel Europe_." Getting a tattoo got crossed out after his agent, shortly after Jensen came to L.A., told him that if he wanted a tattoo he better get it in a place that he didn't plan on showing on camera and Jensen decided he really did _not_ want a tattoo on his ass. 

There's one thing on the list that Jensen's underlined with bright, red ink – " _Be the lead on a show_."

He'd gotten close to getting his wish when he'd been cast for _Still Life_ , but then the project tanked, and Jensen went back to being the guy who played secondary characters. 

Now, Jensen looks at the list in his hand, the manila envelope lying next to him on the bed, and smiles to himself. He doesn't tick it off just yet, but he gets a pen from the clutter on his desk and flips to the back of the second page that only has six things listed on it so far.

_Work my ass off and make Supernatural work_ , he writes. 

He puts the papers back into the envelope, tucking the flap in, and puts it into his open suitcase.

+

"So this is it?" Chris asks, glancing at the suitcase Jensen puts down in the hallway.

Jensen nods. "Everything else I need is already shipped to Vancouver." 

He accepts the beer bottle Chris passes over and follows him into the living-room, sitting down with a groan. There are pizza boxes sitting on the coffee table, the smell of cheese and tomato sauce heavy in the air. Jensen hopes Steve gets back from buying more beer before the pizza is cold. It'd be far from the first time they'd had cold, crappy pizza for dinner, but he's not sure how soon he'll get to see Chris and Steve again. This is both their celebratory and farewell dinner for Jensen.

"I can't believe you're moving to Canada," Chris says, shaking his head. " _Again_."

Jensen shrugs, taking a swig from the bottle. "It's a job," he says. "A good job."

Chris hums in agreement. "But it's in Canada. Does that even count?"

"Oh fuck you," Jensen mutters, elbowing Chris. "You're just jealous that I snagged a lead in a show before you did."

"In Canada. It bears repeating," Chris replies. "You'll probably be rewarded with an honorary citizenship soon or some crap like that. You're in Canada more often than you're here, man."

"Have I ever told you you're really hilarious?"

"Eh, I know. And you have to admit that it's kinda funny," Chris points out. "You seem awfully good at picking projects that are based in Vancouver. I'm starting to suspect it's not a coincidence at all. In your heart, you're really a Canadian born in the wrong country."

Jensen cracks a smile at that. "Think I'll start speaking with a Canadian accent soon?" he jokes.

Chris cocks his head to the side, looking thoughtful. "I think I hear a hint of it already. Say 'about' for me, Ackles."

"About, eh," Jensen says in his worst Canadian accent. 

Chris laughs, almost snorting beer out of his nose. "Man, I'm gonna miss having you around," he says once he's sobered up.

"That's cause I'm awesome," Jensen replies with a grin. "But hey, who knows - I might be back before you know it if this thing tanks."

"Nah," Chris says. "I thought you said the show was awesome? You had a pretty good feeling about it after shooting the Pilot, man."

"I also thought _Dark Angel_ would run for a few more seasons," Jensen says with a shrug. "And I had a good feeling about _Still Life_ and that never even _aired_."

"You also thought frosted tips were a good idea," Chris adds.

Jensen laughs. "Screw you. It was the 90's. Everyone had frosted tips back then," he argues.

"Yeah, if you were in a boy band or a gay twink."

"I _was_ a gay twink."

"Oh please. You were so closeted back then, you didn't even hook up with anyone," Chris says with a snort, then halts. "Come to think of it, that hasn't changed much, has it?"

Jensen takes another sip of his beer, putting his feet up on the coffee table. "We're not talking about this again," he says and shoots Chris a glare for good measure, hoping he drops the subject. 

They go over this every couple of months. Chris points out how rarely Jensen goes on dates, Jensen gets defensive, and then they start bitching at each other. Jensen became sick of discussing his love life, or lack thereof, a long time ago. Especially because he knows Chris isn't completely wrong, though Jensen isn't as closeted as Chris likes to make him out to be. His closest friends and family know he's gay, his agent knows – it's everyone else that Jensen doesn't want to share this particular information with. If there's one thing Jensen loves, it's acting, and there's not much work in Hollywood for a gay actor, and yeah, maybe Jensen is a little paranoid about getting outed sometimes, but not without reason. 

It's made him wary of both relationships and random hook-ups, so Jensen can't see any other option than to stay single. The last thing he wants is to end up one of those guys who people whisper about and the media gossips about because one of his exes couldn't keep his mouth shut. Not when it would cost Jensen his job.

"I wasn't saying anything," Chris says, looking innocent, but Jensen knows better. "I was merely pointing out that you haven't hooked up with anyone in, what, a century?"

"I'm getting a soda," Jensen says, getting up and ignoring Chris's teasing. "You want one? God knows when Steve will be back with more beer."

"Sure," Chris replies with a shrug. He kicks Jensen's leg as he walks past him and Jensen knows that's Chris's way of apologizing. 

Chris has put his feet on the coffee table, munching on a slice of pizza, by the time Jensen comes back with two cans of soda.

"I thought we were waiting for Steve?" he asks.

"Fucker's late. I'm not gonna starve just because he takes forever to buy beer," Chris says with a shrug, mouth still full.

Jensen eyes the pizza and shrugs. "Can't argue with that," he says. 

He puts the beers on the table and snags a slice of pizza, cupping his hand underneath to catch the dripping strings of cheese.

"When's your flight tomorrow?" Chris asks as he grabs his soda.

"Nine," Jensen says. "In the morning."

"Damn. But you're still coming to the bar with us, right? I think a bunch of people wanted to drop by to say goodbye."

Jensen shrugs. "I can nap on the plane, I guess."

"Cool, man. Just don't think Steve or I will be sober enough to drive you to the airport."

Jensen laughs. "Don't worry. I already called the cab company," he says. "And I'm meeting Jared at the airport."

"Jared, huh?" Chris asks. "What's the kid like anyway?"

Jensen grins at Chris. "Kid? Really, Chris?"

"He's, what, 19?"

"23, I think," Jensen replies with a smirk. 

Chris laughs. "Damn. He really is a kid," he says.

"He's also about twice as tall as you," Jensen counters, then shrugs. "He's a good guy."

"Yeah? Not some wannabe Hollywood hotshot with an overinflated ego?"

"Hell no. More like an overexcited, hyper giant who thinks it's okay to hug people after meeting them once," Jensen says, smiling when he thinks of Jared. 

Shooting the pilot with him had been an interesting experience. Jensen had worked with some great people before, had gotten along with co-workers well enough to become friends, but he's never had as much fun as he'd had on set with Jared. There's something about Jared that makes it easy to like him, that made Jensen feel at ease, as if he'd know Jared for years already. 

Jensen's first impression of Jared was reinforced a couple of days ago when they'd gone to a WB event together. Jensen had taken Joanna – grudgingly and only due to his agent's insistence – and then spent most of the evening hanging out with Jared, talking and laughing. Jensen's pretty sure his agent hadn't appreciated that there were more photos of Jared being all over Jensen than _Joanna_ being all over him, but Jensen can't bring himself to care. For the first time ever, walking down a red carpet hadn't felt like torture.

He's pretty sure this thing with Joanna has run its course anyway. They've both gotten what they wanted out of the whole deal – Joanna got her publicity and Jensen had a "girlfriend." Sometimes he wonders how people ever bought them as an item anyway. He and Joanna only went to a handful of events together and the photos make even Jensen cringe. He looked so uncomfortable with the fake PDA and plastic smiles.

"Hmm," Chris says, giving Jensen a look. "Good. I'd hate to have to come up there and kick his ass."

Jensen snorts at the mental image he gets. "You probably wouldn't even be able to reach his ass, Kane," he says. 

Chris hits him hard enough to make Jensen choke on his pizza, and damn, he's going to miss this, he thinks.

+

Jensen lies awake in bed that night, a little buzzed and too keyed up to sleep.

His room feels strangely empty. Jensen has never had many things – he's spent the last few years moving from place to place, from one project to the next, and he's learned he can make do with just a few belongings. But just knowing that his closet is half-empty now, that the guitar he's had since he was a teenager is already in Vancouver along with his favorite books and DVDs, is enough to make the room seem bare.

He feels more nervous now than he did before shooting the pilot a few months ago. It felt less real back then, having his own show, when they were just filming one episode before parting again. But now this is it – and it's up to him and Jared to make this work, to prove they were the right choices for these characters. 

This is his shot. His opportunity. 

Jensen flips around onto his stomach, burying his face in his pillows, and shuts his eyes. 

He just hopes he's up for the challenge.

+

"Guess what I did last night?" Jared asks, buckling up in the seat next to Jensen.

"I don't think I wanna know, man," Jensen replies with a smirk that has Jared laughing.

"Not _that_. As if I would tell you," Jared says. "I was watching TV."

"Congratulations. You and most people in the US," Jensen replies. He smiles at the flight attendant that walks past, checking the seat belts and overhead compartments.

"But how many of them were watching _The Very Best of Jensen Ackles_?" Jared asks with a gleeful grin.

Jensen groans. "You didn't."

"Oh, I did. I had to prepare myself for working with you, didn't I?" Jared says. "You should have seen the look on the guy's face at the video store when I rented _Dawson's Creek_ and _Dark Angel_ , though. I told him they were for my girlfriend, but he still had that suspicious look on his face, so I don't think he believed me."

"I can't blame him. You really watched _Dawson's Creek_?" Jensen asks with a wince.

Jared shrugs. "It wasn't that bad, really. Though I skipped most of the scenes you weren't in – I wasn't exactly watching for the riveting plot, you know?" he says. "But man, I swear I had to do a double take before I recognized you with the long hair. You were _adorable_ , Jensen."

"There's a reason I cut my hair," Jensen mutters.

"Really?" Jared sounds both surprised and amused. "Oh man, that's priceless. You cut your hair to look more manly, Ackles?"

"Has anyone ever told you you're a nuisance? Seriously, we've barely even worked together yet and I already know I'll regret signing up for this."

"Never," Jared promises, then nudges Jensen with his elbow. "Seriously though, you're really good. I mean, I already knew that from working with you but seeing you on TV was different."

"Thanks, I guess," Jensen says, ducking his head a little. "I'm gonna have to see if I can get DVDs of your show to see what I'm in for, huh?"

"Fun and awesomeness are what you're in for," Jared replies with a grin. 

Jensen laughs, and glancing at Jared, he doesn't doubt it. He settles back into the seat and he suddenly can't wait to be in Vancouver and working.

"Hey," Jared says. 

"Hmm?"

"When I looked you up online to see what you've been in, I also found some pictures," Jared says and when Jensen glances at him, he sees Jared is smirking. Jensen doesn't even need to ask what kind of pictures Jared's talking about.

"I think I hate you," he says, and Jared cackles loud enough to make the people from across the aisle look at them.

"As I said before. You were _adorable_ , Jensen," Jared replies. "And I think you totally could have made a fortune shooting porn."

"Jared," Jensen warns, looking around, but he can't help snorting. "Shh."

"What? I only said you _could_ have done porn, not that you did," Jared replies, but to Jensen's relief he's lowered his voice. "You didn't, did you?"

"Of course I didn't, idiot," he says. "Who do I look like? Paris Hilton?"

"Nah," Jared says easily. "You're a lot prettier than she is."

"I'm not sure whether to be flattered or insulted," Jensen says.

"What? I called you pretty, didn't I? That's a compliment."

Jensen scoffs. "I think what you meant was 'ruggedly handsome'," he says.

"My bad. That was definitely what I meant to say," Jared says sarcastically. "What with the freckles and everything."

"No dissing the freckles, man," Jensen argues, touching his cheeks.

"Wouldn't dream of it, pretty boy," Jared says with a wink, and Jensen hits him hard enough to make Jared suck in a startled breath. 

One of the women sitting across the aisle who looked at them earlier clears her throat and gives them a pointed look. Jensen schools his expression, looking contrite and glances at Jared, seeing him doing the same. The woman seems satisfied, turning her attention back to the magazine in her lap. Jared meets his eyes and they both bite back a laugh.

+

Within the first two weeks of shooting in Vancouver, Jensen has learned not to accept any drinks Jared gets him – though it took a cup of coffee with salt instead of sugar and orange juice laced with Tabasco sauce to teach him that lesson. He's been locked out of his trailer twice and been chased around set by Jared more times than he bothers to admit.

He's also laughed more than he ever has before on any other set, and he has Jared to thank for that, too.

"Wanna bet I can eat this in less than five minutes?" Jared asks, looking at the two Styrofoam boxes he's holding. 

"Wanna bet you'll get sick if you do?" Jensen counters, his lips twitching into a grin.

"Dude. You've never seen a Padalecki eat."

"I've seen you eat in the last couple of weeks," Jensen points out. "I'm still not sure whether to be impressed or disgusted. And I'm deeply suspicious about where you put everything you eat."

Jared pats his stomach. "I'm a big boy."

"No shit," Jensen mutters, and so what if his tone is a little envious. Jensen doesn't live on salads and crudités, but he also can't eat anything he wants without paying the price for it. Jared doesn't seem to have that problem: not only does he eat a lot, but he's also one of the unhealthiest eaters Jensen's ever seen. Jensen doesn't know how it's possible, but Jared's still thin as a rail; it's decidedly unfair. 

"So? Is the bet on?"

Jensen looks at Jared's lunch again, trying to judge how long it would take for him to eat that much. "How much?" he asks, even though he knows he shouldn't. Jared seems to have that effect on him though – makes Jensen let loose a little.

"Loser buys pizza and beer on Saturday," Jared suggests. "You're not flying home over the weekend, are you?"

"Hadn't planned on it," Jensen says. He's only been in L.A. once since coming back to Vancouver, and that had been to meet with his agent. As much as Jensen misses hanging out with his friends, flying all the way to California just to hang out with them for one night before having to head back isn't really worth it. As it is, he barely feels like going out _here_ , too exhausted from work to do much more than lie on the couch. And more and more these days, Jared is right there with him. It's hard to miss his other friends when Jared is around. 

"So, you in?" Jared asks.

"I'm in."

"Awesome," Jared says with a grin. "And you better not buy any crappy beer, dude."

"You have a bet to win before I buy any beer, _dude_ ," Jensen shoots back. 

He follows Jared to a table and then watches in horror as Jared scarfs down his food in just a little over four minutes. Jared raises his hands in the air the second he spoons the rest of the mashed potatoes and steak into his mouth, chewing and whooping at the same time.

"You're _disgusting_ ," Jensen says.

"I'm awesome," Jared replies, voice muffled, while a few of the crew guys around him cheer. Jared gets up and bows before turning to Jensen with a grin.

"When do you want me to come over on Saturday?" he asks, smirking.

+

"Jensen!" Mike exclaims, clutching his heart theatrically. "Is it really you?"

Jensen turns around to Jared. "I told you he's insane, right?"

Jared nods. "Yup, you gave me plenty of warning," he says. He looks serious, straightening to his full height and squaring his shoulders. "I'm fully prepared to face your former cast mates and defend your honor if I have to."

"You're just as insane as he is," Jensen says, a little awed. Michael Rosenbaum is, hands down, one of the craziest people he knows--but he thinks if anyone can handle him, it's probably Jared. And Jensen's suddenly not so sure introducing them is actually a good idea.

"Hey guys," he says once they've reached the booth Mike and Tom are sitting in. He gets a quick hug from both of them and a "good to see you, man" from Tom.

"You've returned to us," Mike says, resting both hands on Jensen's shoulders. "You have no idea how long I've been waiting for this moment, getting to see your sweet, sweet face again."

"Insane," Jensen repeats, glancing at Jared while trying to break out of the hold Mike has on him. "Dude, people are gonna think there's something wrong with you."

"And they don't already?" Tom asks, shaking his head. "Hey, Jared. Good to see you again."

"Jared," Mike says, stepping back and sounding scarily perky as he looks Jared up and down. "The guy we've lost Jensen to."

"I think you lost him to the show, really. Can't say I blame him – it's definitely a step up," Jared teases.

"I see how it is," Mike says with a nod. "If you want war, you can have it. Even though I'm pretty sure I'll never be able to pronounce your last name and I probably should if you become my nemesis."

Jensen chuckles. "Can I leave you alone with these two to get us a beer, Jay?" he asks, clapping Jared on the shoulder.

"Sure," Jared says. He gives Jensen a wide smile and a nod. 

It takes Jensen all of five minutes to return from the bar with two beers, and when he gets back to their table Mike is telling some story and Jared is laughing so hard, Jensen swears there are tears in his eyes.

He takes a seat next to Tom and silently hands Jared his beer. Mike is telling the story of how he and Jensen got so drunk they thought it would be an awesome idea to cover Tom's house in toilet paper, but accidentally tripped off the alarm system.

Jensen sighs. "I'm gonna regret this, right?" 

Tom grins. "Probably," he says, then nudges Jensen. "I'm glad you could come, man. And that you brought Jared."

"It's been too long," Jensen agrees. "We've just been crazy busy with the show."

"I can imagine," Tom says.

"How's everyone back on the _Smallville_ set?"

"Good. Actually, when we mentioned we were meeting up with you for a beer everyone wanted us to say hi, tell you they miss you."

"I should drop by some time, say hello to everyone," Jensen says.

"You should," Tom nods. "Everyone really does miss you. Except me – I kinda like being the handsome one on set again."

"I heard that and I would like to disagree," Mike chimes in, pointing his finger at Tom from across the table. "I'm plenty handsome."

"Uh-huh," Tom says, nodding.

Jensen glances at Jared and gives him a smile. "Having fun?" he asks, ignoring Tom and Mike's bickering.

"Sure," Jared says. He rests his elbows on the table, leaning forward a little, and takes a sip from his beer. "It's actually kinda sweet, you know?"

"What?" Jensen asks, confused.

"The way you're acting. Like you brought your little brother out along with you and worry about whether he's okay with hanging out with your friends. It's exactly how my big brother treated me," Jared says with a shrug.

"Guess I can't help it, Sammy," Jensen says, and Jared laughs.

"Guess not," he agrees.

+

"We look awesome," Jared says, peering into one of the many mirrors that can be found around set that day, a few weeks into shooting.

"We have blood running out of our eyes," Jensen points out. "How's that awesome?"

"Dude. We look really scary," Jared replies. " _Awesome_."

"Okay, fine," Jensen says with a groan. "I'm going to clean up now and go home."

He's about to turn around when Jared grabs his arm. "No, wait," he says. "Take a picture of me first."

"Really?" Jensen asks, watching Jared fumble with his cell phone before handing it to Jensen.

"Just push that button."

"I know how to work a cell phone, Jared," Jensen says with a small smile. His skin feels weird when he smiles, the red gooey fake blood sticking to his skin. He genuinely marvels at how excited Jared can get about things like this sometimes, when all Jensen wants to do is rush back to his trailer and wash the make-up off. He quickly snaps a photo of Jared before handing his phone back. "Happy?"

"Delirious. I'm gonna send that to Sandy and tell her I got into an accident," Jared says with a snicker.

"Ah, the elusive Sandy. I'm sure she'll be delighted by that little prank," Jensen replies.

Jared shrugs his shoulder. "She gets freaked out by that kinda stuff real easily. Even though she'll know it's fake."

"Nice. You really know how to treat a girl, Padalecki," Jensen says, shaking his head in amusement. Jared's mentioned Sandy plenty of times, and Jensen's caught him calling and texting her between takes. "When am I gonna meet her anyway?"

"You wanna meet Sandy?" Jared asks, looking up from the text he's been typing, a little puzzled.

Jensen shrugs. "I just figured she'd want to come visit you and see you on set," he says. "We've been up here for over a month now and you've only been back in L.A. once."

"Oh. Yeah, I'm sure she'll come up here soon," Jared replies with a nod. "We're just so busy filming, and I'd feel bad about having someone visit me when I'm on set all day."

"Yeah, I know what you mean," Jensen replies. "I'm glad I have some friends living here, actually."

"And I'm glad I have you. My very own Vancouver tour guide."

Jensen laughs. "I've shown you, like what, a couple of bars in the last few weeks...which got you into a brawl. I'm not sure I'm a very good tour guide."

"You told me about the best pizza delivery place," Jared adds. "I'd say you're doing a good job."

"You're kind of easy, Padalecki."

"You have no idea," Jared replies with a grin, wriggling his eyebrows.

"I'm pretty sure that's not something you should be proud of," Jensen points out, shaking his head.

+

In early October, they get a call from Kripke telling them that _Supernatural_ has been picked up for a full season. They're on set, preparing for a scene, and everyone erupts in cheers and whoops when the call comes. Jared pulls Jensen into an excited hug, holding him so tightly it's almost painful, but Jensen only squeezes him back, laughing.

Someone on set is sent off to buy champagne and the second the last scene for the day is shot, plastic cups get passed around.

Jensen is a little tipsy when he gets back to his place. He pulls out the manila envelope from his nightstand.

He ticks off " _be the lead on a show_ " with a bright red pen and smiles, looking down at it.

+

Jensen picks up a marker, highlighting a note he's made in the margin of the script. He keeps reading, mouthing a few sentences along as he pictures the scene in his head, the way Dean would say the lines written on the paper.

There's a knock on his door and Jensen looks up briefly.

"Come in," he calls out, curling his legs a little higher on the couch.

He's not surprised to see Jared coming into his trailer, his own script tucked under his arm and two paper cups in his hands.

"I come bearing coffee," Jared says with a small smile, blowing a strand of hair out of his face.

Jensen's lip twitches up. "That usually means you either need to apologize for something or want me to do something I'll probably regret."

"I think I should feel offended that you're implying I wouldn't do something nice for you just for the hell of it," Jared says. "I have a pure heart, Ackles, and I like to share my goodness with the people around me."

Jensen snorts. "Sure. Last time you brought me coffee was a couple of days ago, to apologize for gluing my shoes to the floor."

"Okay, that happened once. Once! You need to get over it and forgive, Jensen," Jared says sagely.

"You need to learn to grovel properly. Bringing someone a coffee to apologize is pretty damn cheap," Jensen says, but he accepts the cup Jared hands him and makes more room for Jared on the couch.

"Not if coffee is your weakness," Jared replies with a grin. "Anyway, I didn't do anything, so I'm not here to apologize. If you find your jeans sewn together later – that definitely wasn't me."

"Of course not," Jensen says. "So, what d'you want?"

"A favor," Jared admits.

"Okay," Jensen says, taking a sip of the coffee. It's hot and strong, just the way he likes it, and he makes an appreciative noise. 

"I wanted to ask if you could run lines with me."

Jensen looks at Jared, sees the underlying nervousness in the small smile on his face. They run lines together all the time, between takes or on their way to set in the morning, and Jared's never been nervous. 

"Okay," he says, straightening a little. "What's up?"

"It's just this scene," Jared says, tapping the script lying on his lap. "I'm kinda having trouble with it. Or well, I just don't feel all that _comfortable_ with it."

"Which one?" Jensen asks, putting the paper cup down so Jared can have his full attention. 

"The fight," Jared says. "It's just—it's Sam, but not really, you know? He's under the influence of the ghost. And I want that to come across, but I'm not sure I'm getting it right."

Jensen flips his script to the right page, nodding. "Okay, just wanna do the dialogue from the beginning of the scene?" he suggests.

"Yeah," Jared says, sounding relieved, and he smiles at Jensen. "Thanks, Jensen."

"Hey, no problem," Jensen replies, nudging Jared's side, and feels a rush of affection for Jared. "Now come on, show me what you got, little brother."

Jared grins and opens up his script. 

They go through the scene twice, Jensen giving little pointers. He watches the nervousness slowly leave Jared's posture, his tone becoming more confident as he reacts to Jensen's lines.

Shooting the scene later that day goes off without a hitch, and when Guy calls cut, Jared pulls Jensen into a tight hug.

"Thanks, man," he whispers into Jensen's ear.

+

Jensen slouches down in the seat next to Jared, heaving a sigh as he lets his head fall back. He can feel the warm press of Jared's thigh against his and he closes his eyes, the steady rumble of the engine relaxing him.

"Tired?" Jared asks, his voice soft as if he's trying not to disturb Jensen.

Jensen makes a non-committal sound and doesn't open his eyes.

"Yeah, me too," Jared agrees, still keeping his voice down. "I was thinking about going to L.A. this weekend, but I think I'm just gonna stay here and crash."

There's something wistful in his voice, and Jensen turns his head, cracking his eyes open. "Miss home?" he asks.

Jared shrugs, looking down at his hands. "A little," he admits. "We're so busy during the week that there's no time to really miss it, but when I'm alone, yeah. Been thinking about maybe bringing my dogs up here to keep me company."

"You should," Jensen agrees, patting Jared's leg. "You can bring them to set. I'm sure one of the PAs would be more than happy to play with them and take them on walks when you're busy."

"You think?" Jared asks, sounding hopeful, and Jensen feels like a failure as a friend for not noticing sooner that Jared wasn't doing well.

For all his boisterous energy and endless cheerfulness, Jensen sometimes forgets how young Jared still is. He remembers how hard it was the first time he moved to Vancouver for work a few years ago, without having any friends in the city, and Jensen feels something pull at his heart thinking Jared's been feeling the same way.

"Yeah, you should totally bring them up here," he says. "There are some great places you can go hike with them on the weekend and stuff. I'm sure they'd like that."

Jared smiles a little. "Yeah. That'd be great," he agrees. "Maybe Sandy can drive up here with them or something. I'mma have to call her."

Jensen gives Jared's thigh another pat. "See?" he says. "You'll have both your dogs and Sandy here then. You'll forget about L.A. in no time."

Jared laughs softly, nodding his head. "Yeah, you're right," he says. "What about you? Don't you miss L.A.?"

Jensen shrugs. "Sure."

"Must be tough for you and your girlfriend," Jared says, and Jensen falters a little.

"My girlfriend?" he asks.

"Yeah. Joanna, right?" Jared asks. "I met her at the network thing, remember?"

"Oh, right," Jensen says, grimacing. "We're, uh, actually not together anymore."

Jared sits up a little straighter, his face falling. "What?" he asks. "I had no idea, Jensen. I'm sorry. I wouldn't have mentioned her if I'd known."

Jensen shrugs, waving Jared off quickly. "No big deal. It wasn't that serious anyway."

He watches the way Jared draws his eyebrows together, looking puzzled. "Really? I thought you had been together for a while."

"Uh, yeah. You know how it is," he fumbles, cursing his agent for planting that lie. "I was busy filming up here in Vancouver so I barely ever saw her while we were together."

"Oh," Jared says. "That sucks, man."

Jensen shrugs. "Part of the game," he says, giving Jared a quick smile.

Jared gives him a look that makes Jensen wants to squirm in his seat, but he forces himself to sit still and look relaxed. "Well, as long as you're not heartbroken or anything," Jared finally says.

"I'm good," Jensen assures him. 

He's glad when their driver pulls up at the curb of his hotel a few minutes later, and he gets out of the car with a quick goodbye.

+

"Jensen," Jared calls, the knock on Jensen's trailer echoing in the room. Jensen carefully sets down the mug of tea he'd just made.

"It's open," he says.

Jared all but rushes into the trailer, pulling a girl along with him. There are two huge dogs following both of them inside, their tails thumping with excitement. Jensen recognizes both the girl and the dogs from pictures Jared has on his phone.

"Sandy just arrived," Jared says unnecessarily, and the smile on his face is wide and happy. 

Jensen gets up from the table and goes to shake Sandy's hand. "Hi. I'm Jensen," he says with a smile. "I've heard so much about you."

Sandy looks delighted at that, grinning. "Same. Jared's been talking about you all the time," she says, tucking a strand of glossy, dark hair behind her ear. "It's really nice to meet you, Jensen."

"Likewise," Jensen says.

He bends down, holding out his hand and both dogs rush up to him without needing any further enticement. "And you must be Sadie and Harley," Jensen says, grinning as the bigger dog starts licking his hand.

"Sorry," Jared says quickly. "Harley, stop it."

"It's fine," Jensen assures him, squatting down and scratching Sadie behind the ear with his free hand.

"He doesn't quite realize that not everybody loves having dog slobber everywhere," Jared says, and when Jensen looks up at him he sees the grimace on Jared's face.

"Are you implying that some people actually do like it?" he asks, quirking an eyebrow.

"Jared does," Sandy points out. "You'll see how he is with these two. He doesn't know how to say no to them so they pretty much just walk all over him."

"I bet," Jensen agrees. "Jared's a bit of a pushover."

"Hey," Jared chimes in, sounding a little indignant.

Sandy pats his arm. "It's true. You are," she says. "But it's part of your charm."

Jared gives her a doubtful look, and Sandy covers her mouth with her hand, laughing. Jensen watches them interact and has to smile – after the conversation he had with Jared the previous week, it's nice to see him with Sandy and the dogs, happy and relaxed. Jensen ruffles both dogs' short fur, as if to thank them for cheering Jared up.

"I'm going to show Sandy around set," Jared says, as Jensen puts his hands on his thighs and stands back up. "You wanna come?"

"Sure," Jensen says, then gives Sandy an apologetic look. "We'll probably be called back on set to film soon though."

"That's okay," Sandy says with a wave of her hand. "I'd love to see you guys film a scene, if you don't mind."

"Of course not," Jensen says with a smile. "It might get boring after a while. Jared tends to ruin a lot of takes."

Jared makes another indignant noise and slaps Jensen's arm. "I do not," he protests.

"I've worked with him. I know what I'm getting myself into," Sandy points out. "I'll just find something else to do if that happens. Jared's been raving about the catering anyway."

"Ask if they have some cookies for you," Jensen says, nodding. 

"Oh, yeah. The cookies are the best," Jared adds. He opens the trailer door, whistling sharply and Sadie and Harley follow him promptly.

Jensen lets Sandy step outside first before following them, locking his trailer door behind him. 

Their set really isn't that interesting – it's just the standard cluster of trailers, tents, and their stages. Sandy doesn't seem to be bored though, her arm hooked through Jared's and a bounce in her step. She's cute, smiling and laughing and asking questions, and Jensen instantly likes her. 

As Jensen suspected, they're needed back on set all too soon. One of the PAs offers to entertain Harley and Sadie so Sandy can watch them film the scene. 

When the director finally calls cut, she gives both Jared and Jensen a hug.

"It looked great," she says enthusiastically, beaming up at Jared.

Jared slings his arm around Sandy's waist, tugging her close and pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "Thanks, Sandy," he says. "You having fun?"

"Yeah," Sandy says with a nod. "I liked watching you two."

"We have one more scene to shoot once everything is set up," Jared says. "You wanna stick around?"

"Yeah, but I'll probably just wait in your trailer if that's okay? It's pretty cold out here," Sandy admits, wrapping her coat a little tighter around herself before glancing at Jensen with a smile. "Jared wanted to take me out to dinner tonight. You wanna come, too, Jensen?"

"Oh, no," Jensen says, meeting Jared's eyes. He shakes his head. "I don't wanna intrude."

"You wouldn't intrude," Jared says, and the expression on his face is sincere. "It would be great if you came."

"Nah, man. You two haven't seen each other in a while. I bet you have plenty of catching up to do."

"You sure?" Jared asks.

Jensen nods. "Really, Jay. Plus, I think I'm just gonna go straight to bed tonight," he says.

"Well, maybe another time then? I'm here for the weekend," Sandy suggests.

"Sure," Jensen agrees easily, though he knows it's a lie. He's pretty sure if he was seeing someone and they'd come for a visit, he wouldn't want anyone else tagging along for the weekend. Hell, he probably wouldn't want to leave his bedroom the whole time.

"Great," Sandy says. "It's really so nice to finally get to meet you, Jensen. I feel like I already know you since Jared talks about you so much."

"Likewise," Jensen replies. He leans in and gives Sandy a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek. "Have fun tonight. Call me if Jared doesn't take you out to one of the best restaurants and I'll kick his ass for you."

Sandy laughs. "Don't worry. I can handle him."

"I bet you can," Jensen agrees while Jared makes a protesting noise.

"I never should have introduced you two," Jared mutters. He slings his arm around Sandy's shoulder.

Jensen pats Jared's arm. "Too late," he says. 

Jared swats at him and then grins. "I'll see you in a bit," he says. "I'll take the lady to the catering tent now. I need some sugar or I'll faint."

"Make sure you know your lines, slacker," Jensen teases before waving them off. He watches their retreating backs for a moment, Sandy talking animatedly and Jared's arm still around her, and he feels a pang of wistfulness.

He's had a few relationships in his life, but none of them had been serious. He's dated a few guys he knew would never out him because they had as much to lose as him, and he'd always tried very hard to keep it all under wraps to make sure nobody else could out him either. He's found out over the years that secrecy and fear aren't exactly great foundations for a relationship. He's never really regretted it, but watching Jared and Sandy makes him suddenly wish things were different. 

He returns to his trailer. The tea he'd made when Jared and Sandy had come into his trailer is still sitting on the table, but it's long since grown cold.

+

Filming takes a break over Thanksgiving, and Jensen spends most of the short break napping and eating his mother's food. After working so much, it feels amazing to do nothing for a while and let his parents spoil him for a few days.

He's lying on the couch, balancing a bowl of ice-cream on his stomach, his feet hanging over Mackenzie's lap. She makes a noise of disgust every time Jensen drips a bit of ice-cream into his mouth, drops missing every now and then and landing on his lips or cheek.

"You try eating while lying down," he tells her, licking his lips clean.

"You could just sit up," Mackenzie suggests, slapping his leg. 

"Easy for you to say – you're not working a million hours a week."

"You're being paid more than enough to make up for that."

Jensen snorts. "But I'm too tired to enjoy my wealth," he says.

"The eye candy sure makes up for it though," Mackenzie points out.

Jensen squints up at her. "You mean Jared?" he asks.

"Who else?" Mackenzie replies. "He's pretty cute."

Jensen makes a non-committal noise and scoops up some more ice-cream, trying not to miss his mouth.

"Wouldn't you agree?" Mackenzie asks, and Jensen recognizes the faux-innocent tone in her voice. 

"He's straight," he says, because he actually can't disagree with Mackenzie. Jared's attractive and Jensen's not blind.

"Oh," Mackenzie says, then smiles. "You should introduce me."

"He's taken," Jensen adds and then cocks his head to the side. "And I thought you were too."

Mackenzie shrugs and laughs. "You and Josh might still scare Mark off."

"Well, even if we do, Jared's still not an option."

Mackenzie pouts. "You'd think your brother being an actor would give you some advantages, but sadly, you totally suck."

Jensen laughs and struggles to sit up, making sure his bowl is safely on the ground and his feet off Mackenzie's lap before he does. "Last time I checked, I get you kickass presents, so you better stop complaining."

"Yeah, okay, you're not so bad," Mackenzie admits with a small smile. Jensen laughs and puts her into a headlock until she squeals and their mother yells at them from the kitchen.

+

The short break passes quickly, and before Jensen knows it he has to say goodbye to his family – his mother hugging him tightly and telling him to come back home more often – and he's back in Vancouver. Back to getting up early and working too many hours.

"Will you believe me if I tell you I actually missed you?" Jared asks when they get picked up for work, his voice loud in Jensen's ear as he hugs him. The car is parked at the curb, their driver waiting inside with a slightly bored expression, but Jared's taken the time to get out and greet Jensen.

Jared hugs like his life depends on it – he always does. He doesn't do the quick, one-armed hugs Jensen is used to from most guys, or the thumping on the back so hard it hurts. He just wraps people up in his arms and holds on tightly. This hug lasts even longer than the usual ones, but Jensen doesn't mind one bit.

He's grinning when they part, taking a step back to look up at Jared. "It was a little weird not having you around all the time," he admits.

Jared nods. "Hell, I even missed work."

"Not the early wake-up call though," Jensen says. 

Their driver honks once, interrupting them, and Jared huffs out a breath. "We're coming," he mutters before stepping aside and waving his arm at the open door of the car. "Your carriage, Mr. Ackles."

"Thank you, Mr. Padalecki," Jensen replies and shoots Jared a smile. He slides into the car first, slumping into the seat while Jared settles down next to him.

"So, confession," Jared says as their driver eases the car onto the road.

"Hmm?"

"I might have missed work, but not enough to study my lines properly."

"Why did anyone ever think it would be a good idea to give you this job again?" Jensen teases. He's not really worried; Jared's good at getting his lines down at the last minute and their directors have always given them some leeway so far, letting them just go with it and not caring if a few lines here and there weren't a hundred percent true to the script. 

"I was just too busy with my friends and family. And food," Jared says, sounding a little wistful. "Man, I had some awesome food these past few days."

"So you spent the last few days eating yourself into a food coma?" Jensen muses. "Figures."

"It's impossible to resist my mama's pie. Even you'd eat until you're so full you couldn't even lift a finger," Jared promises him, before his smile widens. "Hey, you should totally come visit us during the next break. Dallas isn't that far away. I'm sure my family would love to have you and it'd be cool to show you around San Antonio."

"You can't just invite me to your parents' without checking with them first," Jensen says, but he finds himself actually liking the idea. He actually did miss Jared over Thanksgiving, and their Christmas break will be even longer. 

Somehow, he thinks, over the last few months of working together – all those crazy hours when they were stuck on set together – Jared's become an important part of his life. A good friend.

"They wouldn't mind. Sandy's gonna be there for the holidays, too. One more person won't matter," Jared assures him. "But I'll check with them if that makes you feel better. But only if you promise to actually visit."

"Deal," Jensen says, smiling.

+

The weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas pass in a blur. Long hours on set that are mostly spent freezing their asses off.

Between takes, Jared and Jensen hole up in Jared's trailer and play video games that Jared brought back to Vancouver with him – there's a lot of cursing and bickering and more than a couple of times they end up wrestling on the floor when one of them accuses the other of cheating. Harley and Sadie are usually on set, and they all end up in a huge pile of humans and dogs, Jared and Jensen laughing while Harley and Sadie slobber all over them.

"I should get paid more," Jensen complains one of those times, wiping Harley's drool off his face. "Get some sort of compensation for all the suffering I have to go through, working with you."

"You love it," Jared counters. He shoos Harley and Sadie away and grabs the open bag of jelly beans from the table.

"I really don't."

"Sure, you do," Jared argues. "Catch."

He throws a jelly bean at Jensen's face, and by the time Jensen processes what he said, it hits Jensen square in the face.

"Ow. What did I just say about suffering?" Jensen says. 

Jared just grins, wide and toothy. "What did I just say about you loving it?" he counters. 

Jensen sighs, but when Jared picks out another jelly bean and aims, he opens his mouth. They both whoop when Jared manages to toss the jelly bean right into Jensen's mouth, and Harley and Sadie join in, barking excitedly.

A PA comes to get them a few minutes later.

On their way to set, Jared jumps onto Jensen's back, and Jensen staggers, both of them almost crashing onto the ground. It draws the attention of a few crew members, who give them amused looks.

It's a pretty sweet job, Jensen has to admit, and he thinks it wouldn't be nearly as awesome if he didn't have Jared right there along with him, nuisance that he is.

+

Jensen spends Christmas eating and sleeping, and firing off text after text to Jared, who gives him a running commentary of the Padalecki Christmas.

"Someone special?" his mother asks when Jensen's cell phone beeps for the tenth time while he peels potatoes.

"Just Jared," he says, reading the text with a grin on his face.

When he looks up, his mother is watching him with a small smile that Jensen chooses to ignore.

He spends the last few days of their break in San Antonio with Jared's family, eating even more and letting Jared drag him around the city, showing him his high school and favorite spot to hang out and the bar he used to sneak into as a teenager. 

When Jared and Jensen leave to fly to Los Angeles for New Years, they are both sent off with tight hugs and boxes of Christmas cookies.

+

Jensen is lying face-down on the couch. There's a mug of tea sitting on the table next to him, half full and lukewarm. He'd rather have a coffee, really, but he's already had so many today that he fears he's going to jump off the walls if he even catches so much as a waft of it in the next few hours. It certainly wouldn't help him nap, anyway. Closing his eyes, Jensen tries to block out the sounds from outside.

They're back at work after Christmas, full swing, and Jensen feels like the holiday was months ago instead of weeks. Everyone seems to be running on fumes right now. There are still several weeks left to go, but with each new script Jensen realizes that they're getting closer and closer to the end. The end of the season or the end of the show – Jensen doesn't know, and at this point he doesn't _want_ to know. He just wants to catch a few hours of sleep and hide under layers and layers of blankets until he feels warm again.

Jensen buries his face deeper into the pillows, sighing when the door to his trailer opens. There's only one person on set who would come in without knocking.

"Go away," Jensen mutters.

Jared laughs softly, his footsteps heavy in the trailer. "Hey. Taking a nap?"

"What does it look like?" Jensen asks, turning his head to squint at Jared.

"We're gonna be needed back on set soon," Jared says. He pats Jensen's thigh and Jensen moves aside reluctantly, making room for Jared to sit down. "You okay?"

"Tired. Cold," Jensen replies and yawns. "Fine."

Jared snickers. "You're such a wuss, Ackles."

"You've been complaining about the cold just as much as I have," Jensen points out and it's true. Jared's been spending most of his time between takes jumping around to stay warm and begging people for thicker coats or blankets. 

"I've lived in Texas and California all my life. You've been here before. You should be used to it," Jared counters.

Jensen snorts. "Believe me, two Texas boys like us? We'll never get used to this."

Jared's face falls. "Don't say that, Jensen. The hope that I'll get used to it is all that's kept me going the last few weeks."

Jensen looks over his shoulder at Jared, grinning. "Well, if it makes you feel any better – we might not even be back next season."

Jared swats his leg. "That's not making me feel better at all, asshole."

Jensen chuckles and buries his face back in the pillows, wiggling around a little to get more comfortable.

"So, hey," Jared says. "We're shooting another scene with Jeff next."

Jensen makes a soft noise of agreement, letting his eyes slide close. Even if it's just for a few more minutes, he wants to doze a little longer. He could kick Jared out, try to actually get some more sleep, but Jensen has learned to nap through many distractions lately – Jared being one of them. There's even something comforting about having Jared there, something familiar about the drone of Jared's voice and the warm press of Jared's body against his leg.

"What do you think of Jeff?"

"Nice guy," Jensen mumbles. "Awesome actor. Is this conversation really pressing enough to keep me from sleeping?"

"Hmm. He's pretty hot too, huh?" Jared asks, and there's something in his voice that makes Jensen freeze. 

"Jared," Jensen says, voice thick. He twists around and sits up, searching Jared's face.

"What?" Jared asks innocently. "You wouldn't say he's hot?"

Jensen frowns at him. "Yeah. Sure. He's a good-looking guy," he amends. "Why are you asking me this?"

Jared cocks his head to the side and looks at Jensen. "No reason, really. I just saw you checking him out earlier," he says with a shrug.

Jensen tenses, shaking his head, and he feels something akin to panic bubble up inside him. "I wasn't," he denies, and he knows it comes out too quick, too rushed to make it sound believable. 

"Oh, come on. You were. I saw it," Jared argues, and Jensen steels himself for what comes next. 

There is a reason Jensen doesn't tell many people he's gay. It's not _just_ because of his career, though it is a big factor. Jensen learned long ago that if you're an actor, if you want jobs, you better be straight – at least in public. But he's also learned how easy it is to lose people by confiding in them. He hasn't told many people, but there were enough who didn't stand by Jensen when they found out he was gay to make Jensen think twice about who he tells these days. 

He's thought about telling Jared a few times, but always brushed the idea aside as quickly as it came, because first and foremost, Jared is his co-star and his job depends on the two of them working together.

"Hey," Jared says. "I really can't blame you. It's not like I didn't sneak a few glances. The guy might be a bit older than I am, but damn."

It takes a moment for the words to register and Jensen stares at Jared, surprised. "What?" he asks.

Jared gives him a confused look. "What, what? There's no harm in looking at the guy, right?"

"You're _straight_." 

Jared raises both eyebrows, looking about as surprised as Jensen feels, and then laughs. "Me? Not really, no. And I'm pretty sure I never told you I was straight either."

"What about Sandy?" Jensen asks, feeling like someone just tilted his world upside down. It's true that Jared probably never outright said he's straight, but well, who does that? Probably only guys like Jensen who try to hide they're _not_ , but Jared's straightness was always implied. At least, Jensen had thought so. 

"Okay, one, I'm bisexual. And two, things with Sandy are--probably not what you think," Jared says with a small shrug. "I should have told you, I guess. But we never really talked about it and you never told me about being into guys, so I thought I'd wait until you were comfortable enough to bring it up. I've suspected that you're into guys for a while, but I didn't really want to push you?"

"That's not...I'm not...," Jensen starts, but he finds it hard to lie to Jared when Jared is looking at him, so earnest and so damn _Jared_. "Sandy's your _beard_?"

Jared grimaces. "I don't know. I guess you could call her that, maybe? She's a really good friend. And it's not like we're really lying, cause we do, you know, hook up sometimes – we're just not actually a couple or anything," he says, and it sounds so easy. As if the whole thing isn't a big deal, something that could potentially ruin Jared's career. "We tried dating for real for a while, but it didn't work. But we're not seeing anyone else so we're kinda...friends with benefits, I guess? And if people wanna think we're in a relationship, well, we let them."

Jensen runs a hand over his face, feeling a little overwhelmed by Jared's admission. "I had no idea about this," he says.

Jared laughs softly. "Guess we're doing something right then," he says. "Hey, look, it's not a big deal, right? Tons of people do it. You've been out with girls and told the press you had a girlfriend. What Sandy and I do isn't that different."

It's not, Jensen knows that, but it still feels different. It feels different because Jared looks so carefree, and Jensen thinks maybe for him it actually really isn't a big deal. 

"Jensen," Jared says, his voice soft. "Hey. I didn't want to upset you with this conversation."

Jensen shakes his head and gives Jared a pleading look. "Please, Jay. Can we just drop it?" he asks.

"But--"

"Please," Jensen repeats, more insistent this time.

Jared's expression softens, like he understands, and Jensen feels relieved when he nods. "Okay," he says, and then he pulls Jensen into a hug, long arms wrapping around him and holding him tight.

"Okay," Jared murmurs again, and Jensen hugs him back. "I'm not gonna say a word about this to anyone, I promise. You know I wouldn't do that."

Jensen sags into the embrace, letting his head rest on Jared's shoulder for a moment. "I know. Thank you," he whispers and Jared's arms tighten around him for a split second.

+

It worries Jensen at first that his secret is out. He trusts Jared, but he also knows Jared talks a lot, and the first few days after their conversation Jensen feels tense, waiting for Jared to slip.

"People are gonna start wondering what crawled up your ass if you don't relax," Jared murmurs to him between takes, sliding an arm around Jensen's shoulders and leaning in close while they wait for the lights to be fixed.

"I'm relaxed," Jensen replies.

"Jensen," Jared says, voice low. "Hey. I kept my secret safe all this time. I'll keep yours safe too, okay?"

Jensen looks up at him, at the serious expression on Jared's face.

"I promised," Jared reminds him, and he looks almost hurt.

Jensen nods slowly. 

"Okay," he agrees, and Jared squeezes his arm around him a little tighter.

+

"Last scene," Jared says without looking at Jensen. His eyes are glued to the set, to the cameras being set up and the lights being adjusted.

"Yeah," Jensen replies, his voice soft. 

"I'm not sure I'm ready for this," Jared says with a sad smile on his face.

"What happened to you insisting we'll be coming back and everything will be okay?"

Jared shrugs awkwardly. "I'm a bit of an optimist," he says and grins sheepishly. "Usually comes back to bite me in the ass, unfortunately."

Jensen snorts. "Really? An optimist? You? I hadn't noticed at all."

Jared glares at him playfully and then shrugs again. "It would suck if we didn't get renewed. Seriously, I think I'm gonna cry if Kripke calls us and tells us we're not coming back."

"Yeah," Jensen agrees, crossing his arms as he watches the crew prepare for their final scene. The leather jacket is heavy and too warm, but Jensen frowns, imagining never getting to wear it again. Never getting to be Dean Winchester again.

"We should get drunk tonight," Jared suggests. "You, me, and a bottle of tequila. What d'you say?"

"I'm in," Jensen says with a nod, and then cracks a small smile. "Might be the last time we get to do that."

Jared frowns at him and then nudges him. "Don't be stupid. If we don't come back here this summer, we're still gonna see each other all the time. You're not gonna get rid of me."

"Aw man, and I was really getting my hopes up," Jensen jokes but he gives Jared a smile that feels a little watery. 

"Sorry about that," Jared replies. He throws his arm around Jensen's shoulder and gives him a squeeze. "Ready to kick some ass and get this scene done?"

Jensen sighs. "Yeah," he says, but he doesn't feel ready. He's suddenly insanely relieved Jared suggested getting drunk tonight – Jensen's pretty sure he'll need alcohol to deal with this. He's going to drink enough to forget that, a few weeks from now, he might be without a job.

+

Being back in Los Angeles is strange at first. The first few days, Jensen pretty much just sleeps and bums around the house, watching TV and eating fast food, but he feels restless pretty soon. He's used to getting up early, working all day, and suddenly not having anything to do makes him twitchy.

He calls up all his friends – goes golfing with Tom, hits a couple of bars with Steve and Chris, hangs out with Jason – and after a week calls Jared to hang out and order a pizza.

Seeing Jared again after a week is almost a relief, and if the way Jared hugs him tight is anything to go by, the feeling is reciprocated.

"You look like a hobo," Jared says, later, as he licks grease from his fingers before snagging another piece of pizza.

"What?" Jensen asks, voice muffled from the food in his mouth.

"Hobo," Jared repeats, and then reaches out and runs his knuckles along Jensen's cheek.

"Fuck you," Jensen mutters, pulling away. "I look awesome with a beard."

"It's _red_ ," Jared says with a grin. 

"I repeat: fuck you."

Jared laughs, taking a swallow from his beer. "Be careful what you ask for, Ackles," he teases. "But seriously, man, I've never seen you with a beard. 's different, is all." 

"I hate shaving. Best thing about not working is that I don't have to worry about facial hair all the damn time," Jensen says, and he sounds a little defensive.

Jared peers at him, bangs of hair falling in his face. "I didn't say it looked bad," he says.

"Whatever. It doesn't matter what you think anyway. I like it."

Jared smiles, looking both amused and fond. "I like it, too," he says. "You're still the prettiest princess I've ever seen, beard or no beard."

Jensen huffs. "Didn't we agree that I'm ruggedly handsome?" he asks, then points to his own face. "This is the face of a ruggedly handsome man with a ruggedly handsome beard, dude. Also, call me princess again and I'll punch you."

Jared grins. "I can take you," he says. He lifts one arm and flexes. The way the shirt stretches over his arm, the muscles bunching up, is pretty impressive.

"When did that happen anyway?" Jensen asks, poking Jared's arm. 

"Jealous?" Jared asks.

Jensen snorts. "Hell no. You might be buffing up, but I'm still stronger than you, little brother," he taunts.

He gasps when Jared tackles him onto the couch a second later and it takes a second before he catches his breath and fights back. They end up on the floor next to the couch, pillows strewn around them and bottles knocked over.

"I'm lying in a puddle of beer, dickface" Jensen complains, trying to push Jared off but Jared has him pinned to the floor.

"I'm gonna have bruises on my ass tomorrow because you pushed me off the couch, asshole," Jared retorts.

"Well, you pulled me down with you – I think you cracked a few of my ribs. Possibly all. You giant, manhandling sasquatch."

Jared grins down at him. "Giant, manhandling sasquatch? Wow, Jensen, you sure know how to make words hurt," he says with a snort, but he lets go of Jensen and crawls off him.

Jensen sits up and grimaces. "I smell like a brewery."

"Mmm, that's my favorite smell on people," Jared replies, sniffing the air. He leans into Jensen, nose pressing against Jensen's neck and Jensen laughs, pushing him away.

"It's no wonder you're single," he says.

"Oh please, I have a girlfriend. Ask the internet," Jared says, sticking his tongue out. "We're deeply in love and so cute together."

Jensen snorts. "I still can't believe you let me think she was actually your girlfriend."

"Pot, kettle," Jared replies. "You let me believe you were cool enough to date a model. Or well, playboy model anyway. Does that count? I mean, does taking your clothes off and posing for a few pictures make you a model?"

"I don't know," Jensen says, then laughs. He's maybe a little more tipsy than he realized, but he feels relaxed, loose."I don't give naked women that much thought."

Jared laughs. "Right," he says, then cocks his head to the side. "So, hey, if a guy takes his clothes off and poses for a camera, does that make him a model?"

Jensen groans. "I'm cutting you off for the night," he says, reaching to take Jared's beer bottle away from him. Jared snags it and empties it in one go, body wiggling around to avoid Jensen's hand. 

A couple minutes later, they're back to wrestling on the floor, both of them laughing while trying to get the upper hand.

+

They're both already in New York for the Upfronts when Kripke calls them a day before the event to tell them they've been renewed.

Jensen feels like a weight has been lifted off him when he hears the words, and he hadn't even realized how much this had truly worried him. 

He and Jared find a bar to celebrate that night, and if they have a few more beers than they strictly should be having when they have interviews scheduled for the next day, Jensen figures nobody can really blame them. Jared seems to agree, buying them round after round. He falls asleep on Jensen in the cab home, face smushed into Jensen's shoulder, and Jensen is pretty sure Jared's drooling on him. 

He holds his phone out and snaps a couple of pictures of them, laughing to himself when he sees how they turned out. He makes a mental note to send the photo to Sandy – and maybe Tom and Mike, depending on how much he feels like torturing Jared in the morning.

He relaxes into the seat, and when Jared makes a sudden, snoring noise, he laughs.

+

After the Upfronts, Jensen goes back to L.A. while Jared heads off for a vacation.

"I'll buy you presents everywhere I go," Jared promises when he comes to say goodbye to Jensen before leaving for the airport. He sounds genuine, and Jensen cracks a smile.

"Yeah, you go spend all your hard-earned money while I'll be working and making more, slacker," he replies, and Jared laughs.

"I'll come crash on your couch when I end up being broke."

"No way," Jensen says. "You can sleep in a dark alley, man."

"You're heartless," Jared says dramatically. He pulls Jensen into a hug.

"Have fun, man," Jensen murmurs into his neck, and Jared squeezes him tighter.

"Try not to be a diva on set," he replies, before pulling back and ruffling Jensen's hair. "See you in Vancouver, Ackles."

Jensen waves him off, but when the door closes behind Jared, the thought of not seeing Jared again for almost two months seems oddly unfathomable.

+

"Jensen! Wait up."

Jensen turns around, blinking a little as he sees Danneel jogging up to him. His eyes burn a little from the makeup remover he used to get all the eyeliner off.

Danneel chuckles when she stops in front of him. "God, you look weird," she says.

"Thanks," Jensen mutters, pretending to look pissed, but he knows she's right. As ridiculous as he looks dressed up as Priestly, he looks even more weird without the makeup and the clothing to go with it. He's dressed like an all American guy, but the haircut is that of a punk.

"Aw, don't be that way," Danneel says. "You're still more gorgeous than most guys."

"Just most?" Jensen asks, and Danneel grins.

"All guys," she amends, pushing a strand of hair behind her ears. "I was actually wondering if you want to go have dinner with me tonight?"

For a second, Jensen feels a little caught off guard. He's known Danneel for a while, been friends with her even if they're not particularly close, and he's not sure what to reply, how to not make this uncomfortable. "Uh," he starts, rubbing the back of his neck. "Danneel, I--"

"As friends," Danneel quickly adds. "I thought it'd be nice to catch up. We haven't really hung out in a while."

"Oh," Jensen says. "Yeah, sure. That sounds nice."

"Great," Danneel says, beaming at him. She has dimples when she smiles, and it reminds Jensen a little of Jared.

"I could come get you," he offers. "Say, around eight maybe?"

"Perfect," Danneel says with a nod. "See you then, Jensen."

She leaves with a wave, and Jensen watches her leave before trudging off. 

Getting ready for dinner takes forever. Walking around set with a mohawk is okay, but going to a restaurant is different, so Jensen does his best to style his hair in a way that makes him look normal, but there's nothing he can do about the sideburns and the beard.

"I hope you hadn't planned on going anywhere snazzy," Jensen says when he gets into his car with Danneel. "I don't think any of the good restaurants in this town will let me in, looking like this."

Danneel laughs. "That's okay," she assures him. "Makes me look even more awesome if I sit across from a guy looking as ridiculous as you."

"I thought you said I looked better most other guys."

Danneel looks at him with wide eyes. "Oh honey, I thought you knew I was joking," she teases.

Jensen frowns at her before focusing on the road again. "I was going to be a gentleman and offer to pay tonight, but I don't think I will now."

"That's okay. It's not like this is a date anyway," Danneel replies.

"Yeah," Jensen agrees softly, and he feels bad for being relieved. He never really knows what to do when a girl actually does ask him out on a date, and it's happened a couple of times where he's gone out with a friend who thought they might turn into something more than that. Letting someone down is awkward enough but having to come up with excuses because you don't want to tell a girl you're gay is even worse. 

"Jensen," Danneel starts, putting her hand on his arm. "It's fine, you know."

"What?" Jensen asks.

Danneel looks a little amused. "Look, we're friends, right?" she asks, and Jensen nods. "I've known you for a while and always suspected that maybe, you know, you're not really into girls? I'm not saying you aren't -- but if you aren't, that's fine. And if not, I will totally take advantage of it and hit on you."

"Danneel," Jensen says, but he feels oddly calm. He isn't exactly comfortable with where the conversation is going, but he doesn't feel the same kind of panic he felt when Jared asked him if he was gay. It helps that Danneel already pointed out that she doesn't care either way, but coming out to someone is also a lot easier when the other person isn't someone who plays as big a role in your life as Jared does in Jensen's.

"Am I that obvious?" Jensen finally asks with a grimace.

He can see Danneel shake her head from the corner of his eye. "No. Just that pretty," she says and chuckles. "And I've never seen you look at my boobs."

Surprised, Jensen laughs. 

"I guess I'll try to remember to look at boobs more often in public to keep up my image, huh?" he says.

"Sure. If you want to come across like some douchebag sleazeball."

"Well, those guys still get jobs. Guys like me, not so much."

Danneel sighs. "Guess there's something seriously screwed up with this world."

Jensen glances at her and finds himself unable to disagree with that. 

"Yeah, there is," he agrees, and it comes out sounding more sad than Jensen thought it would.


	2. Chapter 2

** Season 2 **

Jensen is still waiting for boarding to start when he gets a text from Jared asking him if he wants to have dinner that night. He rolls his eyes but smiles to himself. Jared and he have talked on the phone over the past few weeks, but they haven't seen each other since the week of the Upfronts. Jared was traveling and Jensen was filming and somehow their schedules just never synced up.

" _about to get on the plane. 8 okay for you?_ " he texts back.

Not even a full minute passes before Jared replies. " _need me to pick you up @ the airport?_ "

" _it's fine. don't worry. see you tonight :)_ " Jensen types.

Jared doesn't reply until after Jensen has boarded the plane. His phone buzzes just as Jensen is about to turn it off and he skims Jared's text, just a simple " _looking forward to tonight!_ " and Jensen can't help but smile before turning his cell off.

"Business or pleasure?" 

Jensen startles a little, looking up at the woman sitting next to him. She's older, gray hair in a tight bun and a sweet smile on her lips.

"Excuse me?" Jensen asks.

The woman laughs, a sound soft. "Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to startle you," she says. "I just like to make conversation. I'm a nervous flyer, you know, and it makes take off a little easier. I hope I'm not bothering you?"

"That's all right," Jensen replies and smiles at her. "I don't mind, ma'am."

Her smile deepens at that. "So polite," she says. "So, I was just asking if you're flying to Vancouver for business or pleasure?"

"Business, I guess," Jensen answers. "I live in Vancouver most of the year for work."

"That's nice. It's a beautiful city," the woman says. "My daughter just had her second child, so I'm flying out to meet my granddaughter for the first time."

"Congratulations," Jensen says kindly. "I'm sure that must be exciting."

"It is," she says, nodding. "I used to travel a lot for work. Not by plane, mind you, but still – I never liked it, but now that I'm retired I've realized traveling can be quite nice when you have something to look forward to instead of it just being something that takes you away from your family."

Jensen nods. "Yeah," he agrees, wetting his lips with his tongue and smiling a little. "My best friend lives in Vancouver too. We work together. So, I guess, it's not _just_ business for me either."

+

"This is so nice," Jared says as they sit down at their table. They're situated outside, tucked away in a little corner of the restaurant's terrace. Jared's feet are stretched out under the table, knocking against Jensen's ankle. He looks happy and relaxed, sunglasses resting on top of his hair and holding back a few unruly strands.

"Let's hope the food's good," Jensen replies. "I'm starving."

"I took Sandy here once. The salmon is really awesome," Jared says, stretching a little. "I never thought I'd say this, but thank god for Vancouver's climate."

Jensen laughs softly. "Really, Jay? I'm pretty sure Texas will disown you for that sentence."

"Dude, I love Texas. But I was there just a couple of days ago and I totally forgot how freaking humid it is there in the summer. I was dripping sweat all day long. I was just sitting around my parents' house, drinking cold tea and putting ice cubes down my shirt."

"I'll rub this conversation in your face when it starts getting cold here and you'll whine all day about wishing you were back home."

"Aw, man, come on. You gotta admit that I'm right," Jared says, nudging Jensen with his foot.

"Never," Jensen replies with a smirk. "And I'll tell everyone back home about this."

"You suck," Jared grouses, but then brightens. "Oh, hey. You gotta tell me everything about the movie? How was it?"

"You already know everything," Jensen points out.

Jared shrugs. "It's different hearing about it on the phone when I can't see your face. And come on, I bet there are a few stories you haven't shared with me."

"I--," Jensen starts but he stops when he sees their waitress approach. 

"You?" Jared prods as soon as the waitress has taken their orders and left.

Jensen looks around, but the tables closest to them are empty. "I came out to Danneel. Kinda," he admits. "She guessed."

"Okay," Jared says slowly. "Is that good or bad? I could threaten her for you if you need me to."

Jensen snorts. "Are you really offering to defend me against _Danneel_?" he asks, shaking his head in amusement. "It's okay, really. I don't mind that she knows...it's kinda nice actually."

"Yeah?"

"We have quite a few friends in common. Most of them know about me. So I guess it's easier that Danneel knows too," Jensen says. "Plus, I trust her."

"Good," Jared says. "So, apart from coming out, how was everything? Think this will be your big break to become the A-list actor you've always dreamed of being?"

Jensen rolls his eyes. "Definitely. I mean, the whole thing has Oscar material written all over it, doesn't it?"

Jared shrugs. "You're wearing a kilt in the movie. Aren't they into that kinda artsy stuff?" he jokes.

"In my dreams," Jensen says. 

"Well, at least you did something over break. Another project to add to your résumé," Jared says with a shrug.

"Unlike you, who just bummed around and did nothing," Jensen points out with a smirk.

"Hey. I deserved a break," Jared says indignantly. "And it's not like I wasn't doing anything. I traveled."

"Oh wow, how impressive. You traveled," Jensen teases.

Jared leans forward a little, resting his arms on the table. "Actually, I was also seeing this guy for a while."

"What?" Jensen asks, surprised.

"It wasn't anything serious," Jared says. "I met him at a party. We hit it off and went out for a few weeks. But man, I was seeing Sandy more than him and that kinda clued me in that he wasn't really the right guy for me."

"Would you want that?" Jensen asks, voice low and a little thoughtful. He studies Jared across the table, but he still looks as relaxed as earlier. "I mean, a serious relationship with a guy?"

"Well, yeah. Of course." Jared looks at him, a little puzzled. "Why wouldn't I?"

"Because it could screw up your career," Jensen says.

"So could just casually dating a guy."

"Exactly."

Jared frowns, head cocked to the side. "So what are you saying?" he asks. "That celibacy is the only option?"

"Not for you. I mean, I'm not celibate either but it's still pretty tough for me to find someone," Jensen says. He looks around again, checking to make sure there's nobody around to overhear them. It would just be his luck if, after years of being careful, talking about his sexuality – and Jared's – in public would be what outed him and screwed up his career. "But you're bi. You could just date girls and not have to worry."

Jared shrugs. "I guess I could. But I like guys. I like being with guys," he says. "I don't want to miss out on that just because people wouldn't like it if they found out I was into guys. I mean, I'm aware that it could really screw things up for me and it's not like I don't worry about the wrong people finding out I like guys, but at the end of the day it's my life and I gotta do what makes me happy. And that includes dating whoever I want."

"You make it sound so simple," Jensen says.

Jared gives him a small smile. "And you think it's a lot more complicated than it really is. It's Hollywood, Jensen – you're far from the only gay actor in this business and none of them are celibate. It's not impossible to keep it a secret."

+

"You make one gorgeous ghost, Ackles," Jared says, leering exaggeratedly. It looks a little ridiculous with half of Jared's face covered in cuts and bruises.

Jeff is standing right behind Jared, biting back a grin while carefully taking off the sling he's been wearing in the scene. 

"I'm pretty sure that's sexual harassment," Jensen replies, tugging at the pale blue hospital pants he's wearing. "And I look ridiculous."

"Nah, you look great," Jared says, slinging his arm around Jensen's shoulder before glancing at Jeff. "You look great too, but that goes without saying."

"Has there ever been anyone on set this one hasn't flirted with?" Jeff asks, pointing at Jared with his thumb.

"Not that I can remember," Jensen replies, shaking his head.

"I'm just naturally _charming_ ," Jared says. He puffs his chest out a little, reminding Jensen of a rooster strutting around. He supposes it makes everyone on set the hens, the way people fawn over Jared all the time, and it's oddly fitting. All Jared has to do is smile and people seem to fall over their feet to please him.

"Funny, I don't feel very charmed by you," he points out, twisting out from Jared's arm and sticking his tongue out.

"Oh, whatever. You're just seconds away from swooning. But don't worry, I'd catch you," Jared teases, before clapping his hands together. "Now, who's up for having lunch? I'm fucking starving."

"I need to call my mom first. We've been playing phone tag for a couple of weeks now," Jensen says, scratching the back of his neck. "I'll join you guys in a bit."

"We'll save you a spot," Jared says.

"And I'll try to save you some food before Jared gets to it," Jeff adds, waving Jensen off.

Jensen jogs to his trailer for some silence. 

It's nice outside, warm and sunny, and he sits down on the steps leading up to his trailer, tilting his head up to soak up some sun as he dials his parents' number. His mother picks up on the fourth ring, sounding a little breathless.

"Hey mama," Jensen says, resting his head against the door behind him. "Did I catch you at a bad time?"

"Just doing laundry. Nothing that can't wait," Donna says. "Aren't you at work?"

"Lunch break," Jensen says.

"You're not skipping eating for me, are you?"

Jensen rolls his eyes, the corners of his lips twitching up a little. "I'm not," he assures her. "Just wanted to call you first, ask how everyone's doing back home?"

"We're great, sweetie," Donna assures him. "Your dad's newest hobby is cooking, can you believe that? Mind you, he's not doing too well and the kitchen usually looks like a tornado's been through here by the time he's done, but he's trying."

Jensen laughs softly, picturing his father in the kitchen. His father's cooking skills have always been limited to manning the barbecue grill and making pancakes – something Jensen, unfortunately, got from him. "It'll probably blow over soon. It always does."

"Let's hope so. I'm not sure how many more of your dad's creations I can eat."

"I'll take you out to a good restaurant next time I'm in town," Jensen promises with a smile. 

"I'm already making excuses to go see your brother every other day," Donna admits, chuckling. "And Mackenzie's never home anymore."

"I bet." Jensen looks up when there's some ruckus. Stacy, one of their PAs, is struggling with Harley and Sadie, who are both tugging at the leashes, and the poor girl looks like she's about to lose balance. He waves at her and she points at the dogs uncertainly.

Jensen nods, watches Stacy unclipping the leashes and a split second later Harley and Sadie come barreling towards him. Jensen laughs when Harley jumps up, paws resting on Jensen's thighs as he licks one broad stripe over Jensen's face.

"Sorry," he says to his mother, turning his head away and trying to push Harley back a little. "I'm being attacked by Jared's dogs."

"Oh. Is he around?" 

"Nah, he's having lunch," Jensen says, then points his finger at the dogs. "Harley. Sadie. Sit."

Both dogs sit down instantly, looking up at Jensen hopefully. "Good dogs. You two are such good dogs," Jensen coos, and hears his mother's soft laugh in his ear.

"You were always so good with dogs," she says. "Have you ever thought about getting one too? You'd be less lonely with one."

"I'm not lonely. I can borrow Harley and Sadie from Jared whenever I feel like having some company around," Jensen says, scratching both Harley and Sadie with his free hand. When he looks up he finds Stacy standing a few feet away, leashes in her hand, looking a little unsure. "One second, mama."

"Hey, Stacy. You can leave these two with me. I'll take them back to Jay's trailer later," he offers, holding out his hand.

Stacy nods and comes over, handing him the two leashes. "Thank you," she says with a quick smile.

"No problem," Jensen says. He drops the leashes down on the ground before reaching out to pat Harley's side when he starts to shift around restlessly. "Okay, I'm back, Mom. Sorry."

"It's okay," Donna says, and then there's a short pause. "You sound happy."

"I am happy," Jensen replies. "Why wouldn't I be happy?"

"You know I worry," Donna says with a loud sigh. "Sometimes I just wish you didn't live so far away. In a whole different country on top of it."

Jensen laughs. "You make it sound as if I'm in some strange, far away land. It's just Canada," he points out. "And I'm fine. It's actually really good to be back on set and see everyone again."

Donna sighs again. "I know, honey," she says. "And how's Jared?"

"Jared," Jensen echoes with a smile, "is doing just fine. I'll bring him around the next time I'm coming home so you can meet him."

"You better, young man. I feel like he's already part of the family."

Jensen grins fondly at those words and thinks it's probably true. When he met Jared's parents over Christmas break a few months earlier, they'd welcomed him with hugs and treated him as if they'd known him for years. Thinking about it still makes Jensen smile, because both of Jared's parents reminded him so much of Jared himself – open and welcoming and maybe a little too affectionate.

"I'll ask Jared about it," he promises. "I think I have to go now if I actually still want to have some lunch before we're needed back on set, mama. Sorry."

"It's okay, honey. I'm just glad you called," Donna assures him. "Say hi to Jared."

"Will do. And you say hi to everyone else, too," Jensen says. "I'll try and call this weekend to talk to dad too."

"I'm sure he'd love that," Donna says. "Take good care of yourself, sweetie."

"Always," Jensen promises. They say goodbye and Jensen hangs up, putting his cell into the pocket of his loose pants and making a mental note to take it back out and give it to one of the PAs before they start filming the next scene. 

He picks up the leashes while getting up, whistling sharply even though Harley and Sadie have already jumped up. 

"You have to entertain yourselves without me for a bit, sorry," he says as he ushers the dogs into Jared's trailer. He goes inside with them for a moment, checking Jared hasn't left any candy lying around or anything else the dogs shouldn't get into. 

"Okay, I'm leaving you guys alone now," Jensen says, crouching down to pet Harley and Sadie once more. "You be good while your daddy and I work, okay?"

Sadie barks as if she understood what he said and Jensen grins. He gets a couple of treats for them from one of the cabinets before leaving Jared's trailer, shutting the door firmly behind himself.

+

"What's up with the ice?" Jensen asks, sitting down in his director's chair next to Jared.

Jared looks a little sheepish and shrugged. "I hurt my hand on set a couple of days ago," he says before his lips tug down into a small frown. "Actually, I hurt it over break but it wasn't that bad. I thought it was fine, but I kinda fell onto it yesterday."

"You what?" Jensen asks, surprised. He leans forward, tugging at Jared's arm and ignoring the small hiss of pain. There's an ugly bruise covering part of Jared's wrist and hand.

"Did you get this checked out?"

Jared pulls his arm away from Jensen and puts the bag of ice back onto the injury. "Yes, mom. Lisa checked it out yesterday, gave me some ice and painkillers, and she taped it before I went home last night. It's all taken care of."

"And?" Jensen asks. "What's wrong with it?"

Jared shrugs. "I don't know."

"You don't know? Have you thought about maybe letting a doctor check your hand out properly then?" Jensen asks, his voice getting a little louder. "And why the fuck didn't anyone tell me?"

"You were shooting scenes with Sterling," Jared points out. "We haven't seen each other since this happened."

He raises his hand, then winces and drops it again.

"Jesus, Jared. You're an idiot. You need to let an actual doctor check it out," Jensen snaps.

"Lisa looked at it."

"Lisa isn't a doctor."

"She's a trained medic," Jared says, voice a little tense and Jensen can tell he's getting pissed. It takes a lot to rile Jared up, and Jensen can't remember ever having Jared's anger directed at him before. He takes a deep breath to calm down a little.

"You should get it x-rayed," he says, trying to sound as collected as possible. "She can't do that, Jay."

Jared sighs. "I'm going to the hospital after we finished shooting today, okay? Lisa already told me to go when she checked on me this morning. You don't need to get yourself so damn worked up over this whole thing."

"I'm coming with you," Jensen replies. For a moment, Jared looks like he's about to argue, but then he just shrugs.

Jensen feels tense and agitated for the rest of the day, and everyone on set seems to be well aware of his foul mood, giving him a wide berth and strained smiles. Jared keeps shooting him pointed looks, and Jensen tries to ease up a little, but every time Jared winces or awkwardly attempts to favor his left hand, Jensen is reminded of just why he's upset.

It's not even the fact that Jared is hurt that has Jensen so angry. Both of them have gotten hurt plenty of times, from bruises and cuts to sprains – it comes with the job and Jensen is fine with that. What bothers him is that Jared is being an idiot about the whole thing, not seeking out proper treatment right away, and that everyone else on set lets him get away with it. 

His mood doesn't improve until they're in the hospital, waiting for the doctor to come back with Jared's prescription, Jared's arm in a stark white bandage. The doctor had frowned when Jared had said he couldn't get a cast yet, because they needed to finish shooting the episode with his hand like this first, and even when Jared had been told he'd probably need surgery if he hurt himself any more, he'd remained steadfast. Jensen had wanted to argue, but he'd been there when Jared had talked to Kim earlier that day and there probably was no way around this.

"I'm sorry," Jared says, and Jensen feels himself relax.

"You don't have to apologize to _me_ ," Jensen replies with a shrug.

"Maybe. But I get why you're mad. I was being irresponsible," Jared says with a frown. "It's just—we're behind on filming already. I just wanted to get the last few scenes for the episode done so we could get started on the next one already, and the pain honestly wasn't that bad. I didn't think it was really broken."

"Next time let a doctor be the judge of that," Jensen says. He rests his hand on Jared's shoulder and gives it a squeeze. "Okay?"

"Promise," Jared replies with a nod, before smiling. "Hey, Jensen?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for being a pain in my ass about this," Jared says. "I know I didn't act like it, but I appreciate it. It's kinda nice to know someone cares enough to be pissed at me for not taking care of myself."

Jensen snorts. "Well, if it had been me, you probably would have dragged me to the hospital kicking and screaming," he says. "So, you know, it's no big deal."

+

"It's stupid," Jensen says, frowning at Jared who is sitting on the couch in Jensen's trailer. He's cradling his hurt arm against his chest, looking both exhausted and amused.

"I'm okay," he says, but Jensen isn't really reassured.

When they arrived on set this morning, Kim had ushered Jared away while sending Jensen off to hair and make-up. The next time Jensen had seen Jared, the bandage was gone.

"Your hand is broken. It's not fucking okay," Jensen says, voice strained. Part of him gets it – they've been shooting scenes for the new episode the last couple of days, and Jared had been in all of them. They can't have Sam in a cast in some of the scenes and not in others, and re-shooting the scenes would cost them both time and money they don't have. They'd known this yesterday, and Jensen had thought it would be fine, but Jensen had assumed they'd change the scenes enough to make sure Jared at least wouldn't have to use his hand at all. Unfortunately, it turns out there wasn't enough time for rewrites either.

"Jensen," Jared says, sighing. "Look, yesterday sucked more than enough, so don't be all grouchy and pissy again today. I'm pretty sure that new PA was scared of you yesterday."

"I wasn't being _scary_ ," Jensen mutters.

"No, you were being a dick. So let's not repeat this, okay?" 

Jensen runs a hand over his face and hopes he's not screwing his make-up up too much or there'll be hell to pay. "I just don't like it."

Jared snorts. "My hand is broken. I'm not exactly happy about this either," he says. "Nobody's really happy about it."

Jensen sighs and finally sits down next to Jared on the couch, stretching his legs out. "Just be careful, okay?"

"I will. And you know the crew – everyone will keep an eye out for me today. It's just a few days and then I'll get a new cast," Jared says, then grins. "And painkillers."

"Have you taken some already?" Jensen asks.

"A couple. Nothing strong though," Jared says with a grimace. "I talked to Lisa and she's worried if I take any of the good stuff I won't realize it if I do anything to fuck it up further. So, pain it is."

"Fuck, Jay," Jensen murmurs, reaching out to touch Jared's arm.

Jared laughs softly. "Hey, at least I get to milk this for a few days. I'm gonna make everyone bring me candy and coffee and stuff."

Jensen cracks a small smile. "Leave it to you to see the good in this situation," he says.

+

The schedule gets rearranged so all of Jared's scenes are filmed over the next few days. Jensen feels a surge of relief when Kim calls cut on Jared's final scene for the episode, a couple of days before everyone else is done, and Jared lets out a whoop.

"Finally," he says with a grin that looks just a little strained. "Painkillers, here I come."

"Just get your ass out of here and get a cast," Jensen says, and Jared laughs.

"Aye, aye, Captain," he says, patting Jensen on the shoulder with his left hand. 

"Call me if you need anything, okay?" Jensen says right before Jared leaves.

When he finishes filming that day, it's almost midnight and he finds a voice message from Jared on his phone. Jared's words are slurred as he rambles. It takes a moment for Jensen to piece the words together and figure out that Jared had had some kind of emergency surgery done on his hand. Fucking _surgery_ , and okay, the doctor had warned them about this, but Jensen kind of wants to freak out anyway. But Jared sounds okay and goes on to tell him how awesome his cast looks and something about all the colors – Jensen doubts it's anything but a regular white cast – and how he's not sure he's actually in the right apartment because there are two giant, but nice, beasts there with him. Jensen feels a little indignant on behalf of Harley and Sadie. 

Jared ends the message with a cheerful, if slightly slurred, "You're a pretty, pretty princess, Jensen, and once my hand is better I promise I'll come and save you from your tower."

"Oh Jesus Christ," Jensen mutters with a laugh. 

He considers dropping by Jared's place, or at least calling him to check up on him, but Jensen's pretty sure the painkillers probably knocked Jared out by now and sleep is the best medicine.

+

Jared is back on set two days later when filming on the next episode begins. It's, to put it mildly, an interesting experience. Most of the time Jared is so hopped up on painkillers he's smiling and laughing and saying things that don't always make sense to the amusement of everyone else on set. Jared is being as pampered as he was the week before when everyone felt bad for how much pain he was in – there's enough candy to cause a permanent sugar rush, and Jared gets cooed at and coddled.

A few times though, Jensen can tell the painkillers are wearing off. Jared tries to keep the smile on his face, but it's a little frail around the edges and there's a pained crease on Jared's forehead when some of the scenes drag on and it gets to be too much for him. Everyone seems to be pretty good at reading the signs, though; and while Jared is too stubborn to call for breaks, nobody else is too shy to come up with excuses for fixing the lights or re-doing make-up, and Jared is casually whisked away for new painkillers and a quick snack.

On day three, Jared comes into Jensen's trailer during their lunch break with a styrofoam container clutched to his chest, his cheeks tinged faintly red.

"What's up?" Jensen asks.

"This is a little embarrassing," Jared starts, chewing on his lower lip. "They had steak for lunch today."

Jensen waves at his own food. "I'm well aware, Jay."

"Right," Jared says with a quick nod. "I've been sticking to things I can eat with one hand the past few days, but it's _steak_."

"You need help?" Jensen asks, amused. He scoots to the right as he speaks, making room for Jared.

"Yes please," Jared says, sounding grateful, as he sits down next to Jensen. "God, I can't believe I have to ask you to cut my food for me."

"I don't mind," Jensen says with a grin, nudging Jared before taking the container from him and flipping it open. "As long as you don't ask me to give you a sponge bath or something, I'm happy to help."

"I'll let you know I have a great body, Ackles, and anyone who gets to touch it can count themselves lucky."

"I've seen you change," Jensen points out. "You're hairy and sweaty."

"It's manly sweat. And manly hair."

Jensen cuts Jared a look. "I'm not sure manly is the word I'd use for you. In fact, if it wasn't for how stupidly tall you are, I'd confuse you with a girl, what with the long hair and all."

Jared sticks his bottom lip out and to Jensen's astonishment, it actually wobbles a little and Jared's eyes begin to look watery after he blinks a few times. Jensen wishes he had a camera around to film it so they could send it to every person who's ever doubted Jared's acting abilities. 

"I really thought we were having a moment here and you ruined it," Jared says, waving his hand at the steak Jensen is cutting.

"Nah, you'll start thinking we're friends or something if I don't knock you down a peg once in a while," Jensen says with a grin.

+

"So, I heard through the grapevine you're dating a certain red-head?" Chris says, slinging his arm around Jensen's shoulder with a grin.

"I'm what now?" Jensen asks, feeling a surge of panic and wrecks his brain for any red-haired guy Chris could be talking about it.

"Danneel, you idiot," Chris says.

"Danneel told you I'm dating some guy?" 

Chris laughs. "No. Christ, are you thick or just that drunk already?" he asks. "People are saying you and Danneel are dating, man."

Jensen makes a face. "Where'd you get that from? That's bullshit."

Chris rolls his eyes, taking a swig from his bottle. "Well, duh," he says. "Considering you're gay as they come I didn't think there was any truth to it."

Jensen hits Chris hard enough to make Chris suck in a startled breath. "Could you please try not to out me?" he hisses.

Chris waves his hand around. "Dude, we're at a party in Hollywood. Half of the guys here are probably into men. And the music's so damn loud there's no way anyone heard me anyway," he points out.

Jensen frowns. "Still," he insists.

"Fine. I will not mention that you're you-know-what again," Chris says, voice mocking. "So, anyway, what's up with the Danneel thing?"

"There is no Danneel thing," Jensen says with a shrug. "Obviously. I thought we just cleared that up."

"I meant, is it some kind of arrangement you have? Like, is she your beard now?"

"Hell no. I haven't even seen her since we wrapped up the movie in July. We talked a couple of times, but I've pretty much been in Vancouver the whole time."

"Hmm, but there's this CW thing tomorrow. She's gonna be there, right?"

"Yeah," Jensen says with a shrug. "For her show. And I'm gonna be there for my show. She's not my beard, dude. I would have told you if she was."

"Just thought it might be. You haven't 'been' with anyone since Joanna, so I thought maybe your agents had cooked up some story about you and Danneel dating now. Hell, that would be a lot more believable than the whole Joanna thing ever was."

Jensen snorts. "Don't remind me," he says.

Chris laughs. "It was kinda hilarious to watch though," he points out and Jensen hits him again for good measure. "You looked so uncomfortable with her just holding your hand in public, it was a miracle people actually believed you were having sex with her."

"Ugh, mental picture," Jensen complains, making a face. "I'll need more beer. And I need to make sure Jared isn't getting into trouble."

"I think he was in the kitchen, having shots," Chris supplies helpfully. "Hopefully, he isn't taking painkillers anymore."

Jensen groans.

+

Jensen is glad Chris brought the whole Danneel thing up, so he at least doesn't feel completely unprepared when Chad Michael Murray, of all people, comes over to Jared and him during the CW launch party and gives him a pointed look.

"So, you're doing my co-star, huh?" he asks.

"Jensen's doing who?" Jared asks, looking confused.

"He's banging Danneel," Chad points out helpfully. "Have to say, I didn't think she'd go for a pretty boy like you."

"We're just friends," Jensen replies, forcing himself to smile at Chad. "And I'd appreciate it if you kept your voice down, because there are reporters everywhere."

"Wow, no need to get your panties in a twist," Chad complains, holding up his hands. 

He turns to Jared instead and starts chatting with him about some people they used to work with that Jensen doesn't know. He feels relieved when Sandy comes over with three drinks in her hands, giving one to Jensen and one to Jared.

"Isn't he supposed to buy you drinks considering you're his date?" Jensen asks.

Sandy sighs loudly. "Well, Jared is kinda a horrible date," she says.

"Jared kinda has very poor taste in friends too, so I'm not surprised," Jensen says, keeping his voice down and leaning in closer to Sandy to make sure Chad doesn't overhear him.

Sandy laughs and winks at him. "Luckily, not in all his friends," she adds. "I hear there's this super awesome girl he hangs out with and his equally awesome co-star."

"Hmm, I heard about those two too. I also heard they're insanely good-looking."

"Smart and funny, too," Sandy says with a nod.

"Yet, oh so modest," Jensen amends and Sandy high fives him.

Jared gives them both a look that no doubt is supposed to mean " _I've been listening to every word and you're both idiots_." Jensen smiles innocently back at him.

Chad leaves a few moments later when he sees someone else he knows and just has to talk to and Jensen breathes a sigh of relief.

"He's not that bad," Jared says as soon as Chad is out of earshot. "Give him a break."

"You make it sound as if you plan on forcing me to hang out with him in the future," Jensen says with a grimace.

"Just for that, I'm inviting him up to Canada."

Jensen shrugs. "I have great trust in the Canadian border control," he says, and he can see Jared trying not to laugh but his lips twitch into a smile.

"You're a horrible person, Ackles."

"Actually, I heard from a very reliable source that I'm super awesome."

Sandy nods gravely, looking at Jensen earnestly. "I heard that too," she agrees.

"Have I mentioned that I regret introducing you two to each other?" Jared asks with a groan, but he laughs, sliding his arm around Sandy.

"You love us," Sandy says. "And you know what you do for people you love? You introduce them to hot actors at the events you take them to."

Jared grimaces. "Jensen? Want me to introduce you to hot actors?" he offers, and Sandy hits him.

"I'm good," Jensen replies with a smirk and a shake of his head.

+

"Boyfriend."

An arm slides around Jensen's waist and he turns around to find Danneel right behind him. 

"Hey," he says, twisting around to hug Danneel.

"Hi, Jensen," she says, grinning. "I just wanted to come over and say hi. And apologize because I just talked to Chad and I'm not sure what he said to you, but apparently you didn't take to it too kindly?"

Jensen waves her off. "Don't worry. He just came over to ask about you and me," he says. "I don't even know where everyone got the idea that you and I are dating from."

Danneel laughs. "Yeah, I've been asked about you a couple of times lately too," she admits. "Not that I mind being linked to a hot guy."

"Now that my hair is normal again, you mean?" he asks.

"Exactly," Danneel says with a wink. "I would have already released a statement vehemently denying these vicious accusations otherwise."

"Of course," Jensen says with a nod, laughing. "How about I buy you a drink to thank you for being so incredibly kind and not telling the world there's no way someone like me would be good enough for you."

"I could let you do that, I think," Danneel agrees with a laugh, and follows Jensen to the bar.

He sees Chad glance at them with a weird expression, and a couple of other people who Jensen thinks are on the same show as Danneel, too.

"Let them talk," Danneel murmurs, nudging him. "No harm, no foul, right?"

Jensen looks at her, biting down on his bottom lip. "Not for me, no. But don't you mind?"

Danneel shrugs. "Not like I'm seeing anyone right now," she says, smiling up at him.

+

A couple of weeks later, Jensen takes Harley and Sadie for the weekend so Jared can fly out to Los Angeles again. There's a meeting with his agent about some project Jared might do next summer, and Jared's making a weekend out of the trip to hang out with Sandy some more.

Jared calls three times on Saturday just to make sure the dogs are okay and demands to be put on speaker to talk to them each time.

"Just so you know, your daddy totally ditched you even though he's pretending to care right now," Jensen says when he hangs up after Jared's call that night. "Me, on the other hand? I'm totally awesome and selfless and have nothing but love for you guys."

Sadie looks up at him with what Jensen swears is adoration while Harley lets out a pitiful whine. 

"Fine, I see you're not convinced," Jensen says with a laugh. "Harley, boy, Jared is probably out partying and having a good time right now. You should totally like me better."

Harley still looks unconvinced.

"Time to get out the big guns," Jensen decides. He whistles sharply, and both dogs follow him into the kitchen. They get excited the moment Jensen pulls the box of treats out of the cupboard.

"Remember this when Jared comes back on Monday," he says as he hands out milk bones. 

He lets the dogs onto the couch as he watches TV that night, smiling at the way they curl up against him. He pats them absentmindedly throughout the _Friends_ marathon that's on. When he finally goes to bed a few hours later, he lasts ten minutes listening to the dogs snuffling outside his bedroom, a couple of muffled whines sounding through the door, and he ushers them inside. Jensen figures he's probably the best doggy uncle that ever existed, and he has to admit he likes having Jared's dogs around as much as they seem to appreciate him. Maybe his mother is right and Jensen should get his own dog – or maybe, Jensen thinks, he can just steal Harley and Sadie from Jared. 

He changes his mind about that the next morning when he goes running with the dogs and they all but drag him around for a good hour. Jensen is dripping with sweat and panting when he comes home. Of course, Jared chooses that exact moment to call again.

"Dude," Jared says, his voice filled with laughter. "Am I calling at a bad time? Please tell me you're not having some guy over while you're supposed to be taking care of my babies."

"Ew, no," Jensen mutters, gulping in deep breaths. "Just came back from a run."

Jared laughs harder at that. "You're grossly out of shape, Ackles."

"Am not," Jensen counters, looking down at himself with a frown. His t-shirt is sticking to his body with sweat like a second skin, and he pats his flat stomach. "Your dogs are hyperactive, that's all."

"I don't have trouble running them," Jared points out.

"Shut up," Jensen grouses. He opens the fridge to get a bottle of water, checking on the dogs lapping up water in the corner of the kitchen, both just as winded as Jensen. "How's L.A.?"

"Same old," Jared says. "Went out with a couple of buddies last night to grab a beer, but man, I was ready to turn in and just sleep after two beers."

"I thought you were going to see Sandy?" Jensen holds the phone in place between his shoulder and ear to free his hand so he can twist off the cap of the bottle.

"I had coffee with her yesterday and then she dragged me around, shopping."

"Oh," Jensen says. "I thought you wanted to spend the whole weekend with her. You know..."

"Jensen? Did you think I wanted to go to Los Angeles just to have sex?" Jared asks, amused.

Jensen flushes. "Fuck you," he mutters. 

Jared laughs, loud and carefree. "Sandy's actually seeing someone right now," he says. "Nothing serious, but, well, we haven't really hooked up in forever anyway. I think we're past that."

"Really?" Jensen wrinkles his nose. "I mean, it's probably none of my business, but I thought the whole friends with benefits thing was working for you."

"It was for a while after we stopped seeing each other, yeah. And I'm so busy with our show that it's tough to meet someone new, so it was kinda nice, but we haven't done that for a while," Jared explains. "It probably would have screwed up our friendship sooner or later. I think after we broke up we just weren't ready to let go of each other completely and just be friends again, but it's for the best. Plus, I don't know, I don't think I'm good at keeping things casual."

"Oh. You never said anything so I just assumed, you know, nothing had changed," Jensen says with a shrug, even though he knows Jared can't see him. 

"Yeah, well, it wasn't really something Sandy and I decided. We just stopped and started seeing other people, so it was more like an unspoken agreement that the whole thing was over," Jared explains. 

"And you're okay with her seeing someone new now?" 

"I'm fine, Jensen," Jared says, voice a little softer, like it's Jensen that needs reassurance. "Sandy and I never would have worked. We just wanted different things out of a relationship, and I really hope she finds someone who can give her what she wants and be happy."

If it was anyone else saying those words, Jensen would probably think it was just empty phrases, stuff you say about your ex to prove you've moved on and are fine, but with Jared, Jensen knows he actually means it. It sometimes amazes him how someone as good-hearted as Jared ever managed to survive in the business.

"So anyway," Jared continues. "I was just calling to check up on the dogs, but I see it's you I should have really been worried about, old man."

Jensen rolls his eyes. "I'm not sure I'd tease the guy who's responsible for your dogs' well-being right now."

"Oh please, you're crazy about those two," Jared replies.

Jensen looks over to where the dogs are, Harley chomping down on his food while Sadie is looking up at Jensen, eyes big and trusting. "Well, maybe you should be worried about not getting them back, then," he says. "Hey, Sadie. What do you say, girl, want me to be your new daddy?"

Sadie barks happily and Jensen bursts into laughter, listening to the indignant noises Jared is making on the other end of the line.

+

Jared comes straight to set from the airport the next day, looking a little tired but happy. He hugs Jensen tightly before asking where the dogs are.

"In my trailer," Jensen replies. 

Jared glances at Jeannie. "Think I could go see them before we do my hair?" he asks.

Jeannie looks at him with a frown, but shrugs. "I guess," she says, but she doesn't exactly sound happy about it.

"They were sleeping when I left them anyway," Jensen says, catching Jared's eye in the mirror. He tries not to move too much as Shannon applies his make-up. "Why don't you wait until a little later?"

"Fine," Jared sighs, and he flops down onto the chair. 

"I promise you they're both doing well. I spoiled them as much as I could and made sure they wouldn't miss you too much," Jensen assures him.

Jared gives him a quick smile. "I know," he says. "You're a good co-parent for my babies, Ackles."

"Co-parent?" Jensen repeats along with Shannon.

Jared grins, shrugging. "I have full custody, but you're getting free visitation rights," he says.

Jensen flushes when both Shannon and Jeannie start cooing, and when he meets Jared's eyes in the mirror, Jared winks at him.

At the end of a day, Jensen finds a card taped to the door of his trailer. ' _Congratulations on becoming a dad!_ ', it declares in bright red letters, and there are what looks like signatures from everyone on set all around it.

Jensen laughs, taking the card down. Before changing into his own clothes, he puts the card away into his backpack to take it home with him.

+

Jared comes back to Dallas with Jensen for Thanksgiving a couple of weeks later, and if Jensen thought Jared's family welcomed him with open arms, it's nothing compared to how quickly Jared seems to have carved a niche for himself in Jensen's family.

"I think your mom likes me better than you," Jared says with a teasing grin. He's sitting on the edge of Jensen's bed in his old childhood room, bobbing up and down as if to test the mattress.

Jensen rolls his eyes. "Why are you even in my room?" he asks.

"To rub it in that your mom gave me the last slice of pie even though you were totally eyeing it," Jared replies cheerfully.

"I kind of hate you," Jensen grumbles.

"It's okay. It's hard for children when they get a new little brother or sister and their parents totally like the new kid better," Jared says, making an understanding face.

"My mom gave you the last piece of pie because she was kinda scared you'd start gnawing on her furniture if she didn't find a way to sate your appetite."

"Oh, Jensen. I get it, you're hurt and confused. I'm making you feel threatened, taking over your place as darling middle child," Jared says with a nod. "But don't worry. Nobody will stop loving you. They'll just love you a little less."

Jensen chucks a pillow at Jared's head before getting under the comforter. "I'm really, really close to calling for my mom and telling her you're being a brat," he says. "You totally won't get pancakes for breakfast if I tell on you."

"Oh, please, nobody likes tattletales," Jared replies, hugging the pillow to his chest.

"You came into my room to insult me," Jensen points out. "You think that would earn you brownie points with anyone?"

"Your siblings," Jared answers with a nod, laughing.

Jensen groans and turns around onto his stomach, burying his face in the pillow. He doesn't move when Jared pats his back.

"I actually just came to say goodnight," Jared amends. "And to tell you thanks for inviting me."

Jensen turns his face, resting his cheek on the pillow, and yawns. "No problem," he says.

Jared grins at him, looking fond. He reaches down, and Jensen is about to bat his hand away when Jared's fingers curl around the bridge of his glasses, tugging a little. Jensen turns his head up, letting Jared take the glasses off and fold them before placing them onto the nightstand.

"Gonna tuck me in, too?" he asks.

Jared laughs, but he starts pulling the comforter up to Jensen's chin and then bends down, pressing a chaste kiss to Jensen's cheek. "Night."

"Night, Jared," Jensen replies. "Turn off the lights on your way out?"

"Sure," Jared agrees as he gets up.

Jensen turns onto his side, watching Jared turn the lights off before shutting the door on his way out carefully. Jensen shakes his head to himself, smiling. He's really not surprised that his whole family seems utterly charmed by Jared.

+

Jensen leans against the bar, watching the bartender, who's wearing a Santa hat that bobs up and down as he moves, serve a group of guys.

The pub is packed to the brink with people, more than half of them crew members from their set who spontaneously decided to go out together before splitting for Christmas break the next day. The noise level in the small room is almost painful and everyone who isn't lucky enough to have a seat is pressed close together, body against body. Jensen can feel himself getting a little agitated with each second that passes and he wishes he hadn't gotten up for a new beer and instead waited for someone else to get something and bring him one. He hates how everyone is pressing in so close to him and he gives a strained smile every time someone apologizes for jostling or elbowing him accidentally.

When he feels a hand on the small of his back, he thinks it's just someone trying to squeeze past him again, and he flattens himself against the bar to make room. To his surprise, instead of passing him the person behind him just presses right up against him.

"Uh," Jensen says, turning his head to find a guy right there. He's almost as tall as Jensen, tanned skin that looks fake this close up and a grin on his face.

"Hi," the guy says. "I'm Patrick."

"Hi," Jensen replies, thinking it might just be someone who recognized him. He and Jared have already been asked for a couple of autographs tonight and it wouldn't be the first time someone has tried to grope them just because they're famous.

"I've been watching you all night," the guy – _Patrick_ \- continues, and Jensen inwardly groans.

"No, thank you," he says, forcing what he hopes is a polite smile onto his face.

"You don't even know what I'm asking," Patrick protests. 

"I'm just trying to buy a beer and get back to my friends," Jensen says.

"I'll buy you a beer. Come on. Just have one drink with me." Patrick leans in even closer, pressing up against Jensen's back and Jensen tries to move away but there's no room. "You won't regret it."

"Look. I'm really not interested, okay?" Jensen says, twisting away as best as he can.

"What's the harm in one drink? You're really hot, man, and I know I'm hot too."

"Yeah, well, I'm straight," Jensen lies, but he hopes that's enough for the guy to leave him alone.

Apparently, it isn't, because next thing Jensen knows he feels a hand on his ass and holy shit, that's just not cool.

"I bet I could change that," Patrick says, voice way too close to Jensen's ear and Jensen uses his elbow to get the hand off of him.

"Dude. Just leave me the fuck alone, okay?" Jensen snaps.

"Hey, Jensen." The words are spoken loudly, hollered over the music and noise of chatter and laughter.

Jensen twists his head around to find Jared squeezing past people to make his way to Jensen. He's towering almost a head above everyone around him and there's concern in his eyes when Jensen meets them.

"What's taking you so long?" Jared asks when he pushes past the last person. He squeezes himself right between Jensen and the guy who's been hitting on him with a fake smile and a muttered apology, before focusing his attention on Jensen.

"Bartender's a little busy," Jensen says.

"You ordered yet?" Jared asks.

Jensen shakes his head. "You want another beer?"

Jared nods. "I'll keep you company while you wait," he offers, and slings a friendly arm around Jensen's shoulders. He leans in a little closer, dipping his head down. "Looked like the guy was bothering you."

Jensen shrugs. "It's okay," he says, but he gives Jared a grateful smile. "I hate crowds like this."

"No shit," Jared teases, but he moves a little to the side. He's almost right behind Jensen now, hand on his shoulder, shielding him from all the other people.

Jensen pays for both of their drinks to thank him.

+

They're both more than a little tipsy by the time they leave the bar that night, and Jared insists that they walk home to clear their heads a little. Jensen offers to let Jared to crash at his place since it's closer. Jared had a couple of friends visiting the week before and they already took Harley and Sadie back to Texas with them, so it's not like Jared has any real reason to sleep at his own place.

They're just a few blocks away from the bar when Jared clears his throat. "That guy earlier," he starts, and Jensen hums. "He was hitting on you, right?"

"Yeah."

"He wasn't too bad looking," Jared admits.

"I guess," Jensen says, though he really doesn't remember what the guy looked like exactly. He was too annoyed by how close the guy got to him, by the hand grabbing his ass, to really focus on his looks. "So?"

"So—well, would you have, I don't know, flirted back or something if things had been different?"

"Different how?" Jensen asks.

"If the bar hadn't been full of people who knew you," Jared explains and shrugs. "Or if you weren't an actor. Take your pick."

"Don't think so, no," Jensen replies. "I mean, he wasn't my type. But even if he had been, I really don't like being groped."

"He groped you?" Jared asks.

Jensen makes a face. "Yeah."

"Man," Jared mutters. "I wish I had punched him now."

Jensen laughs. "Thanks, man," he says, and Jared beams at him. 

"Hey, it's my job as your best friend to offer to beat people up for you, right?"

"I'm not so sure about that, but I appreciate the sentiment," Jensen says with a grin. "And I'd totally punch people for you, too."

"Awesome," Jared says, sounding genuinely pleased, and Jensen chuckles.

+

Jensen is woken up the next day by Jared bursting into his room, the door hitting the wall loudly.

"Sorry," Jared immediately says, and Jensen blinks tiredly up at him.

"Wha'?" he mutters, rubbing a hand over his face. There's a tiny bit of drool in the corner of his mouth, and Jensen wipes it away quickly before sitting up slowly. "Why're you awake already?"

"It's noon," Jared points out with a laugh. He holds up a plate stacked high with pancakes and the two mugs he's holding in his other hand. "And I made breakfast."

Jensen shifts to rest against the headboard with a yawn. "You're forgiven, I guess," he mumbles.

Jared chuckles. "How magnanimous of you," he says, shuffling closer. He hands Jensen the mugs, filled to the brim with coffee, before sitting down next to him.

Jensen takes his first sip of coffee while holding the other one out to Jared and groans happily. "God, this is good," he says.

"I'm pretty awesome," Jared replies with a grin, taking the coffee from him.

Jensen squints at him over the brim of his mug. "You're okay," he replies.

"Aw, that's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me," Jared says, words muffled by the mouthful of pancakes he's chewing. There's syrup sticking to the corner of his mouth, and he smacks his lips together once he's swallowed.

Jensen rolls his eyes, taking the second fork from the plate. The pancakes are fluffy and just the right amount of sweet, and he hums happily. He watches Jared pick up the remote from the nightstand and switch on the TV.

"I can't believe you have a TV in your living room and the bedroom," he says.

"Came with the place," Jensen says, taking a big gulp of his coffee.

"Sure. I bet your diva ass demanded this," Jared replies.

Jensen grins. "You caught me. But you know how I am – I pitch a fit if there isn't a perfectly cooled glass of water waiting for me in my trailer at all times."

"With a slice of lemon," Jared agrees with a nod.

"And don't forget the white lilies I always demand to be on set."

"I'd never forget them. The poor PAs have to cut them down freshly each morning before you get there," Jared says with a frown. 

Jensen laughs. "Dude, you think we could actually make demands like that?"

"We should try," Jared replies. He turns up the volume of the TV before switching channels. "I'd ask for candy. And someone to rub my shoulders between takes."

"You would," Jensen agrees. He slaps Jared's arm. "Dude, switch back. Scooby-Doo."

"Where?" Jared asks, then whoops when he finds the right channel.

They finish off the plate of pancakes in no time, laughing at the cartoon and howling along with Scooby-Doo. 

When the credits start rolling, Jared's wiping maple syrup from his plate with his finger and licking it clean. He looks over at Jensen. "Hey, Jen?"

"Yeah?"

"I know the guy last night wasn't your type. But I hope whatever your type is, you find the right guy eventually," Jared says, smiling softly at Jensen.

Jensen looks at Jared, feeling a lump in his throat. "Thanks, Jay," he replies.

+

"I have a slightly belated Christmas present for you," Danneel says, handing Jensen a bag with a cartoon Santa on it.

"Uh, thanks," Jensen says, stepping aside to let Danneel into the house. "I didn't get you anything."

Danneel waves him off. "You said you're paying for dinner."

"Take-out," Jensen reminds her. "It's not like that's gonna be that expensive."

"You don't even know what's in the bag," Danneel replies. She follows Jensen into the living-room and sinks down on the couch with a sigh, kicking her shoes off. Jensen's not sure how anyone can walk on heels like that anyway.

"Open it already," Danneel urges, and Jensen sits down next to her before peering into the bag. He hopes it's not cookies or anything like that, because Jensen still feels stuffed from all the cookies his mother forced down his throat over Christmas. As soon as Jensen is back in Vancouver, he's going to have to hit the gym or Sam will have to do all the running after monsters from now on.

It's not cookies, luckily. Jensen pulls out a dark gray sweater, nice and soft. 

"You like it?" Danneel asks, sounding hopeful, and Jensen shoots her a grin.

"Yeah. I'm not sure what I did to deserve a present though."

Danneel shrugs with a laugh. "To be honest, I was out shopping for a dress when saw this and it just looked so gorgeous. And since I don't have a boyfriend to buy clothes for right now and my brother would have killed me if I'd bought him clothes for Christmas for the third time in a row, I thought it might be a nice present for you."

"Thank you," Jensen says, and pulls Danneel into a hug. "Really, I love it."

"Awesome," Danneel says with a grin. "Just so you know, I want a picture of you wearing it."

"I'll send you one," Jensen promises. "Or maybe I'll just wear it the next time I have to do press and you'll get a professional pic of me wearing it."

"Hmm, or maybe you could wear it on your next date. I'm sure whoever the lucky guy is would really appreciate it," Danneel replies with a wink.

Jensen shrugs awkwardly. "There's no lucky guy right now."

"No?" Danneel asks. "So, uh, you and Jared aren't...you know?"

Jensen looks at Danneel, startled, and quickly shakes his head. "No," he says. "No, we're not—anything like that. Why would you think that?"

Danneel shrugs. "I saw some pics of you two together. My agent linked me to some message board where they were talking about us because she thought it was funny how upset your fans got," she says. "You and Jared just looked really close."

"We're good friends," Jensen says honestly.

"Hmm, I just thought you might be more," Danneel says, then waves him off. "Don't mind me. I just got the impression you might be dating, but I guess I was wrong."

"You were," Jensen says, nodding shortly. 

"Would you want it to be more?" Danneel asks after a moment of silence, her voice a little softer. "I mean. You're obviously pretty close to him and Jared's not exactly hard on the eyes."

"No, he's not," Jensen agrees and shrugs. "I never really gave it any thought. I mean, sure, he's hot and he's great. He's really, really great even. I don't know – maybe if things were different, who knows? But things aren't like that between us. He's—he's pretty much family to me, you know?"

"Yeah," Danneel says, giving him a small smile. "Too bad though. You two would be really hot together."

Jensen groans. "Danneel," he complains, and she starts laughing.

+

Vancouver is rainy and gray and nothing like Texas or Los Angeles. Jensen feels like the dark clouds dampen his mood from the moment he gets off the plane.

It doesn't help that filming sucks the first week back on set -- Jensen seems to have more trouble than usual remembering his lines, he has a killer headache for two days straight, and he hates how his jeans feel a little too tight around the waistband. By the end of the first week, Jensen's ready to just forget the week even existed.

When he calls Jared on Saturday to ask him what he's doing that night, Jared tells him he doesn't plan on changing out of his sweatpants for the day and is just going to stay in bed. Jensen considers calling some guys from the crew, or Tom, or Mike, but he doesn't feel like going out with any of them. 

In the end, he decides to go have a beer by himself, maybe actually be social for once because there's nothing to do in his apartment and sitting around on his couch is making him feel restless. He puts on the sweater Danneel gave him and – after sending Danneel the promised picture – calls a cab. 

The bar he goes to isn't somewhere he's ever been before. He knows Derrick, a guy Jensen had kinda been seeing for a while when he was still on _Smallville_ , had liked to go there. It's not a gay bar, but Jensen knows the crowd is pretty mixed there. He's not really sure what makes him want to check the place out now of all times – maybe, he thinks, he's just trying to torture himself a little more, seeing what things could be like, what he can't have.

The bar isn't too crowded, but it seems to be a nice turnout, and Jensen orders a beer, sitting down at the bar. He just watches everyone around him for a while. The bartender puts a shot down in front of him not twenty minutes after Jensen arrives and winks.

"You look like you could use it," he says, and Jensen shrugs with a small smile.

"Thanks," he says before knocking the shot back. 

He has a second beer, and a third and fourth. After a while, a girl starts talking to him and they have another shot and some drink she orders for him that's disgustingly sweet and burns as it goes down. She leaves with her friends eventually, and Jensen is already well on his way to drunk by then.

He's certainly drunk enough that, when a guy sits down next to him with two beers, Jensen doesn't shoot him down right away. Instead, he accepts the beer with a smile.

"I'm Simon," the guy says, holding out his hand.

"J—Jason," Jensen replies and shakes his hand.

"Nice to meet you, Jason," the guy says with a flirty smile, his hand lingering in Jensen's longer than necessary.

If it wasn't for the alcohol in his system, Jensen probably wouldn't have accepted the two more drinks Simon buys him either. And wouldn't have let Simon rest his hand on his thigh, leaning in close as they talk. He most definitely wouldn't have agreed to go outside with Simon, let him lead him into the dark alley next to the bar and push him up against the wall, crashing their lips together.

But Jensen is drunk enough to let those things happen. He makes small, needy sounds as Simon presses up against him, the brick wall rough and cold against Jensen's back. He twists his hands in Simon's hair and kisses him back eagerly, arching up against him.

It's not until Simon groans, "Jason," and his hand slides down to his belt that Jensen realizes just what he's doing, that he's fooling around with some stranger in a dark alley in public.

"Stop," Jensen says, pushing at the guy's shoulder.

"What?"

"I can't do this," Jensen says, twisting out from between the wall and the body in front of him. "Sorry. I'm really sorry."

He rushes back into the bar, retrieving his coat, and leaves, head ducked down and praying nobody recognizes him. Three blocks away from the bar he catches a cab. 

Sitting in the back, Jensen stares out of the window at the dark streets passing by and tries not to freak out.

+

"I did something really stupid," Jensen says when Jared picks up the phone. The words seem slurred to his own ears, blending together, and Jensen wipes the back of his hand over his mouth. His stomach is rolling but he knows there's nothing left to throw up, not after Jensen just spent five minutes puking his guts out.

He's sitting in the middle of his bathroom, and the tiles are cold and hard against his ass. 

"Are you drunk?" Jared asks, sounding more asleep than awake.

"Yeah," Jensen admits. "Jared. I did something really stupid."

"Okay," Jared says. "What happened? Where are you?"

"Home," Jensen mutters, and he feels his eyes start to sting. He sniffles a little. "Jay."

"Jensen, what? Are you okay?" Jared asks, his voice concerned. "Are you hurt?"

Jensen hiccups and wipes at his eyes furiously. "No," he says. "I—there was this guy. Jared. Fuck, Jay, I'm so stupid."

"Jensen, I need you to calm down, okay? Tell me what guy. Tell me what he did."

There's rustling on the other side of the line, some thumping sounds and Jensen focuses on them, on the way he can hear Jared breathe. "Drinks. We had drinks."

"Did he slip you something? Did he do anything?" Jared rushes out.

"No," Jensen says quickly . Everything is kinda swimming, and god, he's more drunk than he thought he was. "No. I wanted it. I didn't _think_ , Jay. And I'm so fucking drunk."

"You hooked up with some guy?" Jared asks.

"Yeah," Jensen replies. "Yeah. What if someone saw us? God, fuck. What did I do, Jay?"

"Jensen. Listen, I'm on my way over, okay? Everything's going to be okay."

"Yeah," Jensen says, even though he doesn't mean it. 

He stays seated on the bathroom floor, staring at his hands and tries not to think about anything, focusing on telling himself not to throw up again instead. He startles a little when Jared suddenly crouches down next to him.

"How'd you—?" Jensen starts, staring up at Jared. He's blurry but he's still undeniably Jared, and he's got a concerned expression on his face. 

"I have a key, doofus," Jared says, and Jensen feels one of Jared's hands combing his hair back, warm and soothing. "What the hell did you do to yourself, huh?"

"Drunk," Jensen replies without thinking, leaning into Jared's touch. "Jay."

"I know," Jared murmurs. "It'll be all right, okay? I promise."

"You don't know that," Jensen replies. "What if I fucked everything up?"

Jared huffs out a small laugh. "You hooked up with some stranger. It's no big deal. I've done that too and not once did anything happen," he says, voice low and soothing. "If someone happens to have recognized you, your agent will come up with some story about how you weren't even in town and you'll probably have to show up to events with a girl on your arm, but it'll blow over. It's not like we're big enough to have any of the big gossip mags care about rumors about us."

"I've never been with a guy who wasn't...wasn't safe," Jensen admits in a whisper.

"It's gonna be okay," Jared says again, and Jensen feels Jared's arms come around him, helping him up. He makes Jensen wash out his mouth with water and then half drags, half carries Jensen into his bedroom.

+

Jensen figures that after how he felt the night before, he should be a lot more hungover, but apart from a somewhat queasy stomach and a slight headache, he feels okay. He suspects it was mostly the panic that made him throw up, not the alcohol.

Jared is still there when Jensen comes out of his bedroom. He's watching TV and he gives Jensen a small smile.

"Feeling better?"

Jensen shrugs. "Hangover's not too bad."

"I'm not talking about the hangover," Jared replies.

Jensen bites his lower lip and shrugs, sitting down next to Jared. "I don't know," he says. "I just—I can't believe I did that. I never do stuff like that."

"Jensen, it's really not that bad. Come on, you gotta stop doing that to yourself," Jared says.

"Doing what?"

"Being so damn worried," Jared replies, and there's a frown on his face. "I'm not saying go out and hook up with strangers left and right, but there's being careful and then there's _too_ careful."

Jensen sighs, looking down at his hands. "Maybe," he admits. "I just don't want to do something that will come back and bite me in the ass. It's not worth it."

"But what if it _is_ worth it?" Jared asks. "I'm not keen on getting outed either, but I don't want to wake up one day and realize I'm lonely because I was too worried about my career to find someone to love."

There's still a lump in Jensen's throat, thinking about the previous night -- but sitting next to Jared, the TV on and both of them with tousled hair and old, worn-in clothes, he thinks maybe Jared's not completely wrong.

+

Part of Jensen waits for his agent -- or maybe even some trashy magazine that got wind of Jensen publicly making out with some guy -- to call, but as the days pass and nothing happens, Jensen starts to calm down.

Jared's words stick with him, though.

Two weeks after the night at the bar, Jensen rummages around in his nightstand for the manila envelope with his bucket list. He hasn't looked at the thing in more than a year, and one corner of the envelope is bent and crinkled.

There's a pen sitting next to Jensen on the bed, but he doesn't pick it up right away. Instead, he looks at all the things he's written on the list even though he knows most of them by heart. When he does finally take the pen into hand, he crosses out a few things, changes a few others.

Eventually though, he takes a deep breath and adds a new item: " _Fall in love and settle down with someone._ "


	3. Chapter 3

** Season 3 **

Jensen stands behind the stage, taking deep, calming breaths. His uniform feels itchy, stretched too tight, and Jensen swears he can feel sweat starting to form on his skin, the clothing soaking it up.

"You can do this," he whispers to himself. He's not going to screw this up – he's not going to go out there and forget his lines, or stumble and fall, or find some other way to fuck this up. He's rehearsed, both on stage with the other actors and at home in front of the mirror a million times. He knows his lines, his cues, where to be when.

 _You're going to be fine_ , he tells himself silently. The voice in his head is an odd mixture of both Jared's and Danneel's voices, and if Jensen wasn't feeling so sick to his stomach, he'd probably crack a smile at that.

He had spent an hour the night before on the phone with Jared, and a good part of the conversation had been filled with Jared reassuring him, trying to calm him down. Danneel had tried the same thing today and god, Jensen's glad at least she's there for the opening night, sitting somewhere in the audience. 

Jensen closes his eyes, takes another breath. He wishes Jared was there with him, the way he's been for the past two years for every tough scene Jensen's had to shoot. Jared, with an easy smile and a hand on Jensen's shoulder and a hug when he needed one. 

"Ready?" someone asks beside him, and Jensen nods.

"Yeah, I'm ready," he says, and his voice is surprisingly steady.

+

Being on stage is so vastly different from filming a movie or TV show. If you fuck up, you fuck up, no second chance. But if you're good, the immediate reaction from the audience is amazing, thrilling.

Still, it takes only one night for Jensen to know that he belongs on a set. Being on stage is a rush, but Jensen's not sure his stomach or his heart can handle this kind of thing.

Danneel assures him he was great, beaming at him as if Jensen just won a fucking medal instead of surviving a stage play without puking on any of the other actors.

"I _still_ feel nervous," Jensen says, and he wrings his hands together, jittery and giddy. "I'm gonna have to do the same thing all over again for the next five days. What the hell was I thinking signing up for this?"

"You'll be great every single time," Danneel replies. 

"I _have_ to be. I'm pretty sure my mom is making half of my relatives come see me," Jensen says with a sheepish laugh. 

"They're proud of you," Danneel says. "And they should be."

"I just hope I'll pull this off tomorrow night when my family is here, too. God, you know how much it would suck if I forgot my lines or tripped on stage while my parents are here?" Jensen grimaces at the thought, and Danneel laughs.

"Stop freaking out," she says. "Seriously, do you need to go call Jared again so he can calm you down?"

Jensen rolls his eyes. "I'm fine. I'm just...musing."

"About all of the things that could go wrong. Stop it," Danneel says. "Tomorrow will be awesome."

"You sure?"

Danneel looks up at him with a grin. "Oh, I know it," she says.

"I can't believe you're going to see the play again tomorrow. You're not even into theater," Jensen says with a small shake of his head, a smile playing on his lips.

"Well, how often do you see one of your best friends on stage?" Danneel replies. "And believe me, I wouldn't want to miss tomorrow night for anything."

There's something in her tone, in her smile, that makes Jensen feel a little suspicious, but then someone claps him on the shoulder, congratulates him on a job well done, and Jensen forgets about the niggling sensation that Danneel is up to something.

+

After working with Jared for two years, Jensen likes to think he knows most things about him. Most certainly, he could pick Jared out in a crowd of people anytime; if not for his height, then for the fact that he will always recognize Jared's voice, his laugh... and the loud whoop as Jensen steps forward to take a bow is undeniably _Jared_.

Jensen tries to peer out into the audience, but he can't make out most of the faces, the stage lights too bright. Still, he _knows_ , without a doubt, that Jared is there and his smile gets a little wider as he takes another bow, holding on to the hand of the person next to him.

Backstage, Jensen quickly ducks into his dressing room after a round of hugs and compliments, and looks for his phone.

Jared picks up almost immediately, a soft laughter echoing through the line as he says Jensen's name.

"Are you here?" Jensen asks unnecessarily. He can hear the loud clatter of voices in the background.

"Where else would I be?" Jared asks. "Did you really think I'd miss this?"

"You're filming a movie! You said you couldn't make it."

"I lied," Jared replies easily, laughing again.

Jensen feels his cheeks hurting from how hard he's smiling. "I'm not sure whether to punch or kiss you."

"How about you just let me hug you and tell you how amazing you were?" Jared asks. 

Jensen chuckles. "I can do that."

"Great. We're taking you out for a bite to eat and a couple of drinks. Wanna meet us outside? Car's parked in the back lot, away from your screaming, adoring masses."

"We?" Jensen asks. "Was my family in on this?"

"You bet. And Dani," Jared replies. "Sandy's here too. Get ready for some serious celebratory partying, Padalecki style."

"I have to be on stage again tomorrow," Jensen reminds him, but he knows he doesn't exactly sound like he's unhappy with Jared's plan. Right about now, a drink or two sounds amazing.

"I'll swap your drinks out for soda before it gets too bad," Jared promises. "See you in a bit?"

"Yeah," Jensen says. "And thanks, man. For coming."

"Any time, Ackles," Jared says before he hangs up.

Jensen quickly changes out of his clothes, gets rid of the stage make-up, and then gathers his things. He mingles backstage for a few more minutes before he excuses himself.

His parents are the first who get to him when he gets outside. His mother kisses him on the cheek and his father whispers in his ear how proud he is of Jensen. Jared is there the moment his dad steps back, pulling him close and wrapping him up in his arms, and he holds on to Jensen for a few long moments.

"You were so damn awesome up there," he murmurs into Jensen's ear. "Fuck, Jensen."

And if Jensen is blushing a little when they pull apart, well, Jensen dares anyone to get praised by Jared and not be affected by it.

+

"The backyard is huge and there's a park just a few blocks away. It's perfect, Jensen," Jared says, sounding so excited that Jensen has to smile and, god, how much he's missed this. Apart from Jared's surprise attendance of _A Few Good Men_ , they've barely seen each other over hiatus, and Jensen feels relieved to finally be back in Vancouver. 

"It sounds good," he admits, letting Jared lead him into the kitchen of the brand new house Jared bought while shooting _A Christmas Cottage_. 

The room is nice, big but not big enough not to be cozy anymore. It's all sleek wood and black countertops, with a big kitchen island in the middle of the room. There's enough space to the left of the room for a table, but Jared isn't even fully moved in yet so everything's still mostly empty. There's a small whiteboard on the wall, and next to a doodle of a smiling stick figure is a to-do list in Jared's scrawly handwriting. 

"What d'you think?" Jared asks, waving his hands around. "It's great, right?"

"Haven't seen the rest of the house yet," Jensen teases, but nods. "I like the kitchen though."

"You'll love the living room, too. It's pretty big. I still need to buy a TV and stuff, but it's gonna look really great once I'm done," Jared says, taking Jensen's arm and dragging him into the next room. "It's gonna be awesome to watch games here."

The living room is even barer than the kitchen. There's an empty book shelf that looks a little sad but Jensen knows Jared is gonna have it filled to the brim in no time. On the other side of the room is an arrangement of a coffee table, an armchair and a couch.

"This," Jared says, waving at the couch with a grin, "is yours."

"Mine?"

"Well, technically it's still my couch. But it's yours whenever you want to spend the night," Jared replies.

Jensen pretends to pout, looking from the couch to Jared. "I don't even get a guest room?"

"Sure, you can have a guest room," Jared says with a shrug. "I'm just not sure if I'll ever get around to furnishing one."

"Fine, I'm taking the couch," Jensen says. He sits down on it and bounces up and down a little before sighing. "Man, this thing is actually really comfortable."

"Only the best for you," Jared teases. He sits down next to Jensen, stretching out his legs.

"I can't believe you bought a house in Vancouver," Jensen says, shaking his head a little.

"You think it's stupid? I just—I figured who knows how long the show will run, right?" Jared replies. "We're here more than anywhere else and I wanted a place that was actually mine, that's actually a home and not just some place where I sleep."

Jensen shifts a little, patting Jared's leg with one hand. "I get it. Kinda envy you a little – I've been working here more than anywhere else and I still live in hotels," he says. "This will be great for you and the dogs."

Jared smiles at him, looking pleased. "You're welcome here any time, Jensen. You know that, right?"

"Yeah," Jensen says with a nod. "And you can bet your ass I'll take you up on that offer."

+

"You think this is real?" Jared asks, holding up the rabbit's foot and making a face.

Jensen laughs, sinking back into the chair and spreading his legs, trying to get more comfortable. "Probably," he says, peering at Jared's hand. "Looks pretty damn real to me."

"Ew," Jared says, and for a second Jensen thinks Jared is going to fling the rabbit's foot away or at least drop it onto the ground.

"You can scarf down more steaks a week than strictly healthy, but this is disgusting?"

"I don't look at my steak and recognize that it was a cow at one time," Jared replies. "This? Looks like a real foot. That's just wrong."

"You're a wuss," Jensen says, snagging the key chain from Jared's fingers. 

"Hey!" Jared protests.

"What? It was bothering you, wasn't it?" Jensen asks, then cocks his head to the side and grins. "Let's hope the curse isn't real or you'll have bad luck coming after you now."

"That's not funny," Jared says, actually looking a little uncomfortable. Jensen laughs, knowing that Jared isn't just playing around – he keeps four-leafed clovers, has this weird thing about touching the roof of a plane before it takes off, and Jensen knows for a fact that Jared even has a horseshoe he found when he was a kid stored somewhere in his house. Jared's oddly superstitious sometimes, even though he claims he isn't even sure if he believes in those kinds of things.

"Hmm, but what if it really _is_ true?" Jensen asks.

"Jensen," Jared complains, swatting at him. "Shut up."

Jensen grins. "Don't worry. I'll protect you from the big bad things that are out to harm you, big guy," he teases. 

"I hate you," Jared mutters. "Also? You totally made me think about steak and now I'm hungry."

Jensen cackles, throwing his head back. Jared pushes him, nearly making him fall out of his chair, but it only makes Jensen laugh harder and reach for Jared to steady himself. It says a lot about them that none of the crew members even blink at the commotion they're raising.

+

Jensen drops by Jared's place with steaks and a six pack the following Saturday.

"To make up for scaring you," he teases when Jared opens the door.

"I should shut the door in your face," Jared replies, even as he steps back to let Jensen inside.

"Then I demand the couch. It's mine after all," Jensen shoots back and laughs when Jared pulls him into a noogie.

They end up sprawled out on Jared's couch for the rest of the day, eating the steak and drinking while playing Xbox, Harley and Sadie sprawled all over them. Their legs get tangled after Jared tries to kick Jensen to distract him and Jensen is too lazy to do anything about it. He is pretty sure this is what every perfect weekend should be like.

It's late by the time Jensen finally gets up to leave. Jared's half-asleep on the couch, and he mutters something about Jensen staying.

"Nah, couch is yours tonight," Jensen murmurs, covering Jared with a throw blanket.

He gathers his keys and wallet from the kitchen island and leaves a message on Jared's whiteboard.

' _Hiking tomorrow with the dogs? Call me! J_ '

When he meets with Jared and the dogs at Jared's place the next morning, Jared has written ' _omg, Jensen Ackles was here and wrote something on my whiteboard. I will never wipe this away EVER_ ' next to Jensen's message.

Jensen picks up the marker and writes, ' _Your crush on me is getting out of hand, Jared. It's embarrassing._ '

Jared laughs as he watches Jensen write over his shoulder, and he grabs the marker from Jensen before he can cap it.

"Oh bullshit," he says, and starts to write.

' _Stop denying our love! Jared + Jensen forever. Sincerely, the future Mr. Jared Ackles-Padalecki._ '

Jensen isn't quite sure why he looks at it and feels a little sad.

+

Jensen turns the page of the script with his free hand, the other one lays, palm up, on the arm of his chair while Jared drops M&M's into it.

"What is he doing?" 

Jensen looks up at Jim sitting down in his director's chair next to Jensen's, glasses perched on his nose and a puzzled look on his face.

"Sorting out the green M&M's," Jensen says.

"Why?"

"Jared doesn't like green M&M's," Jensen replies with a mocking smile.

"Since when do they taste any different from the other M&M's?" Jim asks.

"They do," Jared chimes in. He points his finger at Jensen warningly. "Don't you contradict me."

"I wasn't about to," Jensen says innocently, then turns to face Jim to mouth, "They don't."

"Jensen," Jared says. "They totally taste different. They taste all... _green_."

Jensen gives Jared a patient smile. "They sure do, buddy."

"Stop mocking me."

"I'm being supportive," Jensen argues. "It's important to be there for crazy people and take their insane issues seriously. Even when they're being completely stupid, like say, thinking green M&M's taste different."

"Your face is stupid," Jared shoots back.

Jensen throws the handful of green M&M's Jared's sorted out into his mouth, chewing loudly before grinning at Jared. "My face is awesome. My face is a money-maker, dude."

"Sure, you'll make lots of money with your face if you ever get cast as a twelve-year old freckled girl."

"And I hear they might make a movie about Big Foot – you got a good shot at getting the lead, Jared."

"Okay," Jim says, clearing his throat. "I think I'm going to step away slowly and hide out in my trailer."

"Aw, come on," Jared whines. "We're not that bad."

"I think we're delightful, actually," Jensen adds.

"I can't tell which one of you is crazier, actually," Jim says with a smirk.

"Jensen," Jared replies, before holding another green M&M out to Jensen, his fingers only inches away from Jensen's face. Jensen opens his mouth and waits for Jared to drop the small piece of candy inside before his tongue shoots out. He licks over Jared's finger, making sure to leave as much spit on Jared's skin as possible.

"Oh my god," Jared exclaims. "Jensen cooties!"

Jensen throws his head back and laughs. His chest is actually aching by the time he calms down and Jim is watching both of them with a curious, fond expression on his face, shaking his head a little. There's something about the look that catches Jensen's attention, makes him feel inexplicably _good_. This is how people look at Jared and him, like they can't decide whether they're weird or charming. _This_ is how Jared makes Jensen act, stupid and childish and like he doesn't have a care in the world, and Jensen doesn't think he's let himself act like that since long before he left Texas.

It's probably the best thing that ever happened to him.

+

"How's your shoulder?" Jared asks when Jensen comes out of the tiny bathroom in his trailer.

"I—" Jensen starts, looking around for a shirt to put on but Jared halts both his words and his search for something to wear by closing the distance between them with two quick steps.

"Let me see," Jared says, fingers curling around Jensen's arm. He tugs Jensen around and makes a hissing sound.

"That bad?" Jensen asks. He rolls his shoulder tentatively and there's an instant, sharp pang of pain. They'd been shooting a fight scene with the monster of the week, and Jensen, instead of landing on the mattress behind him when he'd been pretending to be thrown onto the ground, had landed half on, half off it, his shoulder connecting with the hard concrete floor.

"You're gonna have quite an impressive bruise, that's for sure," Jared replies.

"Yeah, well, we've both had worse," Jensen says, shrugging. The movement is enough to make him wince and he feels the gentle brush of Jared's fingers against his bare shoulder, close to the bruise.

"Did Lisa give you some painkillers or something?" Jared asks, and Jensen steps forward, finally reaching for the shirt hanging over a chair.

"Yeah, I went to the medic tent before changing," Jensen says. Pulling his shirt on makes his shoulder twinge even more, but he plasters on a smile as he turns to face Jared. "Lisa promised me I'd live."

"Good," Jared replies. "You still coming out with us tonight?"

"Sure," Jensen says. "It's not that bad, I swear."

Jared peers down at him before nodding shortly. "'kay, just checking," he says, his voice all casual ease but he looks like he wants to throw Jensen over his shoulder and put him to bed. Jensen's used to Jared's somewhat overbearing protectiveness of the people he cares for – and as annoying as it can be to have a 6'4 guy coddling you when you so much as skin your knee, it also feels nice.

+

Jensen regrets his decision to go out a few hours later, slouched down in a booth and watching two crew guys throwing back another shot. Jensen has been sipping the same beer for the last twenty minutes now. His shoulder is fine, the painkillers he took before leaving are working wonders, but Jensen feels a little drunk already even though he hasn't had even half as much to drink as he can usually stomach.

He's actually glad that Jared, when he'd given Jensen his last beer, had given him a stern look and told him in no uncertain terms that he wouldn't be getting any more to drink after this.

"You okay?" Jared asks now, sliding in next to Jensen with a glass of brown liquid in his hand.

"There's a reason you're not supposed to mix painkillers and alcohol. On an empty stomach, nonetheless," Jensen says.

"No shit, moron," Jared replies with a smirk. He rests his arm on the back of the booth, and Jensen can feel where Jared's arm almost brushes against the back of his neck. He tips his head back a little and then rolls it to the side until his cheek is resting comfortably against Jared's arm.

"What're you drinking?" he asks.

"Coke," Jared says, picking up his glass and holding it out to Jensen. "Want some?"

"Hmm." Jensen takes the glass out of Jared's hand, fingers brushing together, and takes a small sip. It's cool and sweet, and makes Jensen realize how thirsty he actually is. He takes a few more gulps.

"You can drink more, you know," he says when he puts the glass down. "I don't wanna keep you from having fun, Jay."

"I'm okay," Jared replies. "I had a couple of beers and I did shots with the guys earlier. More than enough, really. You know what tequila does to me."

"Hmm. You're trying not to get completely shit-faced so you can look after me in case I get drunk," Jensen accuses, but there's no heat in his words.

"Maybe," Jared admits. "Actually, I was thinking it's about time to get you home. You look beat."

Jensen shifts, leaning more weight against Jared's body. "Yeah, okay," he says, but groans when Jared jostles him to get up.

He slides out of the booth after Jared, smiling when he feels Jared's hand coming to rest on his back.

"I'm not drunk. Just a bit tipsy, Jay," he murmurs, keeping his voice low enough that only Jared can hear him. None of the people from the crew that are occupying the tables around them seem to pay them any attention, though.

Jared gives him an assessing look, and it makes Jensen laugh a little because Jared's cheeks are flushed and his eyes a little glassy. Eventually, Jared seems to be happy with what he finds, nodding, and they make their round of goodbyes. 

"Wanna come back to my place?" Jared asks as he opens the door of a cab coming to halt next to them. "It's still early."

"Sounds good," Jensen agrees, getting into the cab beside Jared. They sit with their thighs pressed together, and the cab driver doesn't seem to pay them any attention so Jensen leans into Jared's side, feeling himself drift off a little. 

Jared shakes him awake when the cab drops them off and guides Jensen to his house with an arm around his shoulder.

"Tired?" he asks as he ushers Jensen inside. Harley and Sadie come to greet them, but Jensen only leans down to give them a quick scratch behind the ears.

"Yeah," Jensen replies before yawning, as if to prove a point. He blinks tiredly. "Fighting scenes always take a toll on me, man."

"Let's go to bed then. I think I had a little bit more to drink than I thought anyway. I'll just get you pillows and sheets from upstairs," Jared offers. "Want to borrow something to sleep in?"

"Got a shirt for me? This one reeks of smoke," Jensen says, sniffing at himself, and grimaces. "Like a fucking ashtray."

"Sure, I'll get you one," Jared says, giving Jensen a small push towards the living-room. "I'll be right back."

Sadie trots after him, tail wagging gently, and jumps up onto the couch.

"There's no way we'll both fit onto that," Jensen says, patting her again before sitting down. "You'll have to get off once Jared gets back here with my stuff, okay?"

Sadie gives him a look before curling up, making a content noise. Jensen rolls his eyes and prepares himself for having to share the couch for the night whether he wants to or not. He bends down, tugging off his boots a little more roughly than necessary, and they fall onto the floor with loud thuds.

By the time Jared comes back down, footsteps heavy on the stairs, Jensen's jeans are in a pile on the floor as well and he's struggling to take his shirt off. The painkillers seem to be wearing off already, because his shoulder is throbbing and Jensen's arms are tangled in the sleeves of his shirt as he tries to get it off without jostling his arm too much.

"Uh," Jared says, voice a little strangled and Jensen glances at him. 

"What?" he asks, making a frustrated grunt as he tugs at the shirt with his good arm.

"You're naked," Jared points out unhelpfully, and Jensen frowns. Jared looks a little uncomfortable, as if he hasn't seen Jensen in various states of undress before.

"Duh," he mutters. "Would you quit staring and help me?"

"Oh. Sure," Jared quickly says, dropping the bedding onto the couch, looking a little embarrassed.

His fingers brush against Jensen's naked skin as tugs at the hem of the shirt.

"Hold still. Try not to move your shoulder," Jared murmurs, and Jensen obliges.

Jared gets the shirt off quickly, and Jensen drops his arms down. 

"Thanks," he says, looking up at Jared. Jared's still holding Jensen's shirt, curled in one fist, and he's standing impossibly close, looking at Jensen with an expression he can't quite read. He smells like cigarette smoke and sweat, his body radiating heat.

"Jared," Jensen murmurs, and his heart skips a beat when Jared lets out a breath, warm and damp against Jensen's skin.

He surges up at the same time Jared bends down, and their lips crash together. Jared cups his cheek, angles his face up, kisses him rougher, harder.

Jared's clothes feel scratchy against Jensen's bare skin, and Jensen presses closer, his hands grabbing Jared's shoulders. It makes new pain shoot through his shoulder, but Jensen ignores it, doesn't care because _Jared_ is kissing him. It's shocking, and yet Jensen somehow doesn't feel very surprised, because isn't this what more than one person in his life has hinted at? Him and Jared, so close that it seemed impossible that they were just friends? Jensen's never really let himself think about it, but maybe that doesn't mean it wasn't there. With Jared's lips pressed against his, Jared's hand on his cheek, Jensen can't deny that he feels...something. More than what he thought he felt for Jared before.

"Holy shit," Jensen says, breathless, taking a tiny step back.

Jared looks a little lost, like he's torn between dragging Jensen back in or letting him go, but his hands are still on Jensen.

Jensen hesitates for a moment and then curls his hand in Jared's shirt, pulling him in again. The second kiss is even more frantic, Jared's tongue pressing past his lips, messy and wet and Jensen thinks he can still taste the sharp remnants of tequila. He makes a needy noise, kissing Jared eagerly, and fuck, he's getting hard.

It's been too long since he's actually been with anyone. Way, way too long, and Jensen doesn't think he's going to last long.

"Jared, want you," he mutters. "Fuck. Do something."

"Upstairs," Jared says, pulling away. "If we do this, I wanna do this in a real bed."

Jensen sucks in a breath and nods. "Yeah. Yeah, I want that too. You have no fucking idea."

Jared smiles widely at him and leans in for one more kiss, before he takes Jensen's hand in his and leads him upstairs. Once in his bedroom, Jared strips out of his clothes hastily, jeans tossed aside and t-shirt flung across the room. Jensen sits down on Jared's bed and watches him, anticipation curling in his stomach.

"Off?" Jared asks, fingers hooked under the waistband of his boxer-briefs.

Jensen looks from Jared's face down to his hands, to the way the black cotton stretches over Jared's dick, perfectly outlined. "Yeah," he says with a nod.

Jared pushes his boxer-briefs down, stepping out of them with a smirk on his face that would look arrogant on anyone else. Jared, though, just looks charming, dimples carved into his cheeks while his hard dick is on full display.

"Fuck," Jensen murmurs, licking his lips. "Come here."

Jared crawls onto the bed, pushing Jensen down onto his back and covering Jensen's body with his. He kisses Jensen, a sweet, soft brush of his lips. "You're so gorgeous," he says, and Jensen tugs him back down.

They kiss, hands roaming over skin. Jared makes a soft, breathy noise when Jensen's hand strokes over his ass and palms it, rutting up against Jared.

"Jesus," Jared groans, and he grinds down against Jensen, the friction so perfect Jensen gasps.

Jared trials wet kisses along Jensen's cheek, tongue flicking out to slide over his earlobe before sucking it into his mouth and fuck, Jensen never knew something so simple could turn him on so much. 

"How do you wanna do this?" Jared asks, voice coming out in a pant. 

"Don't care," Jensen replies. "Whatever you want, Jay. Just--I want more."

"I wanna be inside you," Jared says, drawing back and looking down at Jensen with big, dark eyes. Asking for permission, like Jensen would possibly say no when Jared is right there, naked and perfect.

Jensen feels his breath leave his lungs, heat pooling in his stomach. "Yeah. Yes, please."

Jared's hands slide around his hips, slipping between Jensen and the mattress. He hefts Jensen up against him, bringing their hips flushed together, his hands gripping Jensen's ass. 

Jensen lifts up, making it easier for Jared to pull down his boxer-briefs. Jared sits back as he pulls them all the way off Jensen's legs, and Jensen watches his face, the way his eyes travel over Jensen's body and rest on his cock for a moment.

"You're gorgeous," Jared says again, voice low. He leans over Jensen and kisses him briefly. 

Jensen feels both anxious and excited as Jared gets lube and a condom from the nightstand, as the realization that this is really happening settles in. He's going to sleep with Jared, and Jensen isn't sure if it's a good idea because he's pretty sure co-stars sleeping together is never a good idea, but he sure as hell isn't going to stop Jared. He wants this, and the small part of his brain that's still able to form coherent sentences wonders how it's possible that he hadn't seen this coming.

The first touch of Jared's finger against his hole makes him gasp, startling him out of his thoughts.

"Okay?" Jared asks, adding light pressure, the tip of his finger breaching Jensen.

"Fuck yeah," Jensen hisses, rocking down on Jared's finger.

Jared preps him quickly, fingers long and sure as they push in and out, slick with too much lube. 

It hurts when he pushes in anyway, and Jensen bites down on his lower lip, trying to breathe through the pain. Jared makes soft, soothing noises, murmuring Jensen's name.

"Relax," he says, lips against Jensen's cheek. "Gonna make you feel good."

Jensen nods, hiking his legs up a little higher around Jared's waist. Jared starts moving, rolling his hips, and Jensen sucks in a deep breath. It doesn't feel bad, the pain ebbing away with each thrust of Jared's hips. He feels stretched, full in a way he's almost forgotten sex feels like, and Jensen hadn't realized how much he's missed this, how much he loves this.

"Okay?" Jared asks, breathless. 

"Yeah," Jensen replies. "Yeah. Jared, please, just--give me more."

Jensen is pretty sure Jared murmurs 'anything', as he presses his lips to the corner of Jensen's and draws his dick almost all the way out before driving back in with one smooth push.

His pace is a little sloppy, rushed, and Jensen has the fleeting thought that maybe having sex when they're both a bit tipsy isn't the best idea. He forgets all about that seconds later when Jared changes the angle a little and his cock drags against Jensen's prostate.

"Oh god," Jensen moans, arching up and tightening his legs around Jared. 

Jared keeps fucking him, soft grunts falling from his lips. His fingers are digging into Jensen's thighs, just this side of painful, and Jensen holds onto Jared's shoulders in return. Jared comes first, with his lips pressed to Jensen's, the kiss swallowing his moan.

When Jensen comes, it's with Jared's hand around his cock and Jared's sweaty forehead pressed to his temple, his breath damp and hot against Jensen's cheek as he says his name.

+

Jensen wakes up sore and aching, Jared's body pressed against his and his arms holding him tight. His first thought is how nice it is, how good it feels, before his brain catches on to the fact that he's in bed with Jared. That he and Jared had sex last night. 

It doesn't take long before Jensen feels panic bubble up in his chest, because this is huge. There's no possible way this isn't going to blow up in their faces. If they were anyone else, it would be different it would probably be like the end of one of those ridiculous romantic Hollywood movies, except those movies never show what happens afterward. Never show things getting complicated and messed up, and Jensen can't risk that. Not with Jared. 

Jensen untangles himself from Jared's embrace carefully, trying not to wake him as he slips out of bed. There's a lump in his throat as he glances at Jared one final time before slipping out of the room. Downstairs, he tries to keep Harley and Sadie quiet with hushed words.

He slips into last night's rumpled clothes, checks his pockets for his wallet and keys. He doesn't dare put on his boots until he's outside, standing in Jared's driveway.

+

There are bruises on his hips and a hickey on his shoulder. Jensen tries to avoid his reflection in the mirror, slipping into the shower, hoping the hot water will wash away what happened last night. Will wash away that feeling inside Jensen that tells him he's probably screwing up what could be a really good thing, but Jensen shakes his head and tells himself this isn't the time for lofty fantasies about him and Jared. This is the time to stay reasonable and accept all the reasons why this is a bad idea, why they can't be doing it, no matter how much his heart had sped up when Jared had kissed him last night, how amazing it had felt to have Jared that close. He hadn't thought about Jared like this before, and he's not going to start thinking about him like that now either.

When he comes out of his bedroom, hair still damp, Jared is sitting in his living room. 

"Jay," Jensen breathes, startled.

Jared gives him a tight, forced smile. "Hey."

"Hey," Jensen replies weakly.

Jared looks at him, before glancing at the empty spot on the couch next to him and Jensen comes over to sit next to him silently. Jared looks exhausted, upset his hair is a mess, his skin a little pale, and Jensen has never seen the drawn expression on his face before.

"We fucked up," he murmurs, looking away.

"I'm sorry," Jared says.

Jensen turns his head to meet Jared's eyes. "What for?" he asks. "You have nothing to be sorry for. We're both to blame, if anything."

"We'd both had some drinks, Jen," Jared points out. "And I know how you feel about relationships, about your career, and I never should have let things get so far. I should have been, I don't know, the sensible one. Stopped things."

"Jay, we had a few too many. Shit like this happens, right?" Jensen says. "It takes two to tango, man."

"Would you have done it if we hadn't had those drinks in the bar?" Jared asks. 

"No, but would _you_ have done it if you hadn't had anything to drink?" Jensen counters, and Jared's lips tug down into a frown. "I think I would never have let myself even entertain the thought. You know me. You know how I get about those kinda things. Hell, you were there and took care of me when I freaked out about making out with that guy outside that other bar. But...that doesn't mean I didn't want what happened last night. I did."

He smiles at Jared wryly, but Jared's expression doesn't brighten one bit.

"Jensen. You freaked out this morning and just left."

"I shouldn't have done that," Jensen admits. "I should have stayed, talked about it with you like an adult."

Jared shrugs. "Yeah," he says. "That's actually why I'm here, so we can talk. Figure out where we go from here."

Jensen looks down at his hands and sighs. "Look," he starts. "You're great, Jared. You're one of the most amazing people I know, and I love you. You're my best friend, man, and last night? Last night was nice."

"Yeah," Jared says, placing his hand on Jensen's arm and giving it a squeeze. "I feel the same way about you. You know that."

Jensen nods. "Yeah. That's why I can't do this," he says. "You're not just some random person. You're _you_. You're so much more than just some good-looking guy that I met and found interesting. If you were, I could maybe do this. But you? It's too much. Too big. I don't know how to be in a relationship, and I certainly wouldn't know how to be in one with _you_."

Jared sighs, leans in close and Jensen feels a soft press of a kiss against his temple. "I know," Jared murmurs. "I get it, Jensen."

"So," Jensen says, looking up. "We pretend this didn't happen and move on?"

"We pretend this didn't happen and move on," Jared agrees. He smiles sadly, touching Jensen's cheek before he kisses him on the lips, sweet and soft.

As far as conversations with your best friend after a night of drunken sex go, it's probably as amicable as it can get. It's all Jensen could have asked for, or hoped for. 

He's pretty sure he shouldn't feel like his heart is breaking when Jared pulls back and gets up to leave.

+

Things are different back on set after that weekend. 

Jensen can tell Jared isn't sure how to act around him, and Jensen feels the same way. He swallows down remarks and jokes around Jared and then tries too hard to act casual. During breaks they disappear into separate trailers or sit quietly next to each other in their director's chairs, and after filming they part ways with a quick goodbye. It all comes out wrong, forced.

Even the crew seems to have noticed and they keep throwing them glances or subtly inquiring if everything's okay.

Jensen tries. He does. Every morning he wakes up determined not to let things be awkward between them anymore, imagines conversations he could have with Jared, little stories he could share with him, but then he gets into the car and Jared says good morning, voice too soft and eyes not sure where to look, and the words die on Jensen's lips. 

One day, he goes as far as to bring a bag of candy to set for Jared, intending to just place it in Jared's trailer as a peace offering. He's on the steps leading down from his own trailer when he chickens out and turns around. What if he gives Jared the candy and Jared thinks it meant something else? Like, flirting?

He can see Jared isn't doing much better. Countless times it looks like Jared is about to say something to him, mouth already opening, but then he snaps it closed and gets this sad look on his face that breaks Jensen's heart just a little bit more.

They're being ridiculous, both of them, but Jensen suddenly feels tongue-tied around Jared. It's as if Jared isn't still the same person he was a week ago anymore. Like he isn't Jensen's best friend who he can talk to about anything – because now when Jensen looks at him he doesn't just see the dorky, exuberant, sweet guy he's known for years. Now he looks at Jared and remembers what it was like to kiss him, to have Jared's hands on his body, have him inside him and the part of him that refuses to think reasonably can't help but regret that he's never going to have that again. 

Maybe, Jensen thinks, it's _not_ something he can just move on from. It's not something he can just forget about. 

After two weeks of stilted conversations and more silence than there's been between them during the previous three years combined, Jared is the one to make the first move.

"There's a game tonight," he says when they're standing side by side in the food tent, looking at the buffet. 

"Huh?" Jensen says, glancing up at Jared, surprised to find Jared is really looking at him, talking to him and not some crew member.

"The game tonight? Are you watching?" Jared asks. "I know it's just ice hockey, but I think the sport's actually starting to grow on me. Plus, we totally won't be able to partake in any conversations on set if we don't watch it, right?"

"Uh, yeah," Jensen says, nodding shortly. He thinks he's probably supposed to say more to that, turn this into an actual conversation instead of Jared babbling and him being silent and awkward. But it's like his mind draws blank the minute Jared tries to approach him.

"So you wanna watch it together? I thought I could order some pizza, buy some beer. I'll make popcorn if you want," Jared says, and he looks so hopeful it tugs at Jensen's heart. "Or anything else. Those gummy worms you like, maybe?"

"Jared," Jensen starts, biting down on his lower lip. "I, uh, I have plans already. Sorry. Next time, okay?"

"Plans," Jared echoes, before smiling weakly. "Yeah, right. Sure. Next time then."

He looks away, and Jensen can see the way the corners of his lips pull down, the way Jared hangs his head just a little, and feels like the biggest asshole in the world. Both for turning down Jared's offer and for lying to him on top of it.

+

On Sunday, Jared calls. Jensen hides his cell under a couch cushion and ignores it. He watches Sunday morning cartoons and eats ice-cream, pretending he's not acting like a broken-hearted fool.

He doesn't change out of his pajamas once that day, and the farthest he goes from the couch is to open the door for the delivery guy. Jensen swears the guy looks at him with pity when he sees Jensen's ratty outfit and unkempt hair – it's probably not the first time he's had to bring way too much junk food to some lonely person. Jensen glowers at him and tips him so badly he feels guilty about it the moment he closes the door.

When he gets to set the next morning, Shannon scolds him for looking like death warmed over.

"You never let yourself go like that," she says, and there's a hint of concern under her annoyance. "Jesus, Jensen. You look like you didn't sleep at all this weekend."

"Shannon," Jared says from the other end of the trailer, voice soft. It seems to be enough to shut her up, and when she's done with Jensen's make-up she gives him an apologetic look.

"Are you okay?" she asks.

Jensen glances at the chair Jared was in earlier, but it's empty now. Jared's gone and there's just Jeannie, cleaning up the counter.

"Yeah," he says, but he can tell Shannon doesn't believe him. He adds, "Getting there."

+

"Hey," Jensen says, staring down at the half empty bottle of beer in his hand, the other one pressing his cell to his ear.

"Hey, Jensen," Danneel says, sounding cheerful. "How's filming?"

"Okay," Jensen says slowly.

"Okay?" Danneel echoes. "That doesn't sound good. Did something happen?"

Jensen sighs, leaning against the small counter in his kitchen. "Kinda," he admits. "Jared and I hooked up a few weeks ago."

There's a moment of silence on the other end. 

"You don't sound too happy about it," Danneel finally says. "So I guess you and Jared aren't sitting around, staring into each other's eyes and declaring your eternal love for each other?"

Jensen snorts. "No," he says. "We decided it was a mistake and we'd forget about it."

"Jensen," Danneel says with a sigh. "Why would you do that?"

"Because. He's my best friend. We're co-workers. It would have fucked everything up."

"Or maybe it would have made things better," Danneel points out, and it doesn't make Jensen feel even a tiny bit better to hear those words. He doesn't even know why he called Danneel to talk about this, except he hadn't known who else to call and he'd been tired of wallowing in his own misery. Jared's become the person he turns to, but Jensen can't talk to him about this for obvious reasons. Chris and Steve would have been his next obvious choices, but they'd just be on the next plane to Vancouver to try to distract him by going out and getting him drunk. Seeing as alcohol was a key factor in what started the whole mess, Jensen isn't ready to hit a bar again just yet. 

"I couldn't risk it," Jensen says. He fiddles with the bottle, blunt nails scraping at the label nervously. "Or maybe I'm just a huge fucking idiot. I don't know, Danni – I never really thought of Jared that way, you know? He's never been more than my best friend and then we suddenly hook up and it's all too much. I don't know _what_ to think right now."

"Oh, you idiot," Danneel says, and her voice is soft. "You care for him, so much. You always have."

"Yeah, but a relationship? That would be a huge deal. If we started something, that'd be it. We wouldn't be able to just change our minds about it later and part ways. We have to work together every single day," Jensen says. "Just thinking about being with Jared scares the hell out of me. I mean, I'm me. I know nothing about making relationships work and I would have fucked it up. I can't do that to Jared."

"What, you think relationships are easy? He's your best friend. Of course it's scary and of course things aren't always perfect in a relationship. But what if he's worth it?"

Jensen huffs out a breath. "It doesn't matter anyway. It's not like Jared was eager to turn this into more than a one-night stand either," he says.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I know Jared. If Jared wants something, he goes after it. He fights for it," Jensen says. "He didn't even try with me, Danneel."

"You didn't either," Danneel replies, but her voice is soft, sympathetic. Jensen thinks it says a lot about him when all her tone does is make him wish Jared was there to hug him.

"Yeah, well, I suck at the whole relationship thing," he says. "And I'm not even sure I would want to be with Jared. I just—it really threw me. Like, one moment Jared's just the guy I've been friends with for a few years and suddenly I'm in his bed. Regardless of what Jared wants, I don't even know if that's something I would really want or if I'm just—confused right now."

"Then maybe you should think about that," Danneel replies.

Jensen sighs. "And what? Pine? The whole thing is over. It happened, we agreed to move on and there's no going back now," he says resolutely, and he feels like he actually means it.

"Okay. If you're sure," Danneel says. "And as long as Jared agrees with you."

"I wouldn't know," Jensen mutters, and then laughs bitterly. "We haven't exactly been talking much since the thing happened. Everything's so fucked up."

"So you decided to forget about hooking up to save your friendship and now you're not talking?" Danneel says, sounding exasperated. "Jesus. Guys are such freaking idiots."

"I just don't know how to act around him anymore. It's like everything is off-kilter and I don't know what to do, what to say," Jensen says. He sinks down onto a stool, bottle still gripped in one hand. "What if we really ruined our friendship?"

"Jensen," Danneel mutters. "I don't really know what to tell you. You and Jared need to talk."

"Yeah, I know," Jensen agrees with a sigh. "God, why did I let this happen?"

"Maybe," Danneel starts, "because you wanted it."

"You really think I have feelings for Jared." It's not a question, and deep down Jensen knows it's not something he needs to ask. After what happened, it's hard to deny that there's _something_ between them that's more than just friendship.

"I don't know. Only you can really answer that, Jensen," Danneel replies. "But would it really be that unfathomable?"

"Yes," Jensen says before grimacing. "No. I don't know...Probably not."

"Well, I guess it doesn't matter. You agreed not to let it change anything and I guess that's that," Danneel says. "But you can't let it come between your friendship."

"I know that," Jensen says. "Both of us do. Hell, Jared's been trying, but I just—I feel so awkward around him."

"Well, yeah. I would too. But Jared probably doesn't feel any less awkward around you than you do around him," Danneel points out. 

"Guess not," Jensen agrees, thinking about how different Jared has been around him, how quiet and unsure. 

"So hey," Danneel says, her tone lighter. "Was it good though? Hooking up, I mean?"

Jensen smiles wryly, shaking his head. "I'm hanging up now," he warns. "Thanks for talking to me, Danni."

+

The door to his trailer has barely closed behind Jensen when it's opened again, a little more forcefully than necessary, and Jared steps in. His expression is drawn, determined.

"Jared?" Jensen asks, surprised.

Jared takes a deep breath, fixing Jensen with a look. "I'm gonna say some things and I want you to let me talk and just listen, okay?" he starts.

Jensen nods.

Jared looks a little relieved at that and he waves his hand at the couch. "Maybe we should sit down," he suggests. 

Jensen nods again, taking a seat, his heart thundering in his chest and his eyes not leaving Jared.

"Good. Here's the thing," Jared starts once he's sitting on the other end of the couch. "I know that what happened between us sucks. I mean, it was _great_ , but it sucked, you know?"

Jensen chuckles wryly. "Yeah," he agrees.

"And I know it's kinda impossible to just forget about it and pretend it never happened. The last few weeks have been proof enough," Jared continues. "I just—I hate how things are between us, Jensen. And I would do anything to take back what happened and go back to how things were, but I can't. And I know it's a lot to ask, but. This has to stop. I want my best friend back."

There's a lump in Jensen's throat by the time Jared is finished, both from what Jared said and from how utterly miserable Jared looks.

"Me, too," Jensen admits.

"Yeah?" Jared asks, sounding hopeful.

"Yeah," Jensen repeats with a nod, and the smile that breaks out on Jared's face isn't quite as wide as Jensen's used to, but it's a start.

"So, uh, think we can hug now?" Jared asks.

Jensen laughs. "Only way to seal this deal, right?" he says.

Jared has his arms around him moments later, bodies angled awkwardly towards each other on the couch. Jensen wraps his own arms around Jared, scooting a little closer to him, and for the first time in weeks he feels himself relax.

He rests his face against Jared's neck and sighs. "I missed you," he murmurs, and Jared's embrace tightens.

"Missed you too," Jared replies, and he laughs dryly. "You have _no idea_ how much I missed you."

Jensen pulls back a little to look at Jared's face. "Let's never do that again," he says.

Jared smiles. "Never," he agrees. He leans forward, pressing a smacking kiss to the bridge of Jensen's nose, and Jensen can't help but laugh, pulling Jared back into another hug.

A PA knocks on his door a few minutes later and she looks surprised when they step out of Jensen's trailer together, Jared's hand on Jensen's shoulders and both of their grins wide and happy.

+

Jensen will freely admit to being a bit of a pessimist, so he expects things to be a little strained still, after the initial relief passes. They might have hugged things out, but there's still the fact that they had drunken sex between them, and Jensen isn't really sure if a hug and a heartfelt conversation can fix that.

But to his surprise, things seem to take a complete one-eighty after that. If anything, Jared is suddenly even more exuberant, all smiles and small touches. With anyone else, Jensen would think they were trying too hard, but with Jared it seems genuine.

When Jensen slides into the car the next morning, he barely has time to mutter hello before Jared hands him a steaming thermos filled to the brim with coffee. 

"There's a muffin in here for you too, in case you want it," he adds, holding up a paper bag. "Most chocolate-y thing I could find at the bakery."

"You want me to get fat?" Jensen asks suspiciously, but he takes the bag from Jared.

"You won't get fat because of one stupid muffin. I'm pretty sure there are thousands of fans who would be willing to attest to you that you're the most perfect creature to ever walk this planet," Jared replies with a snort, but there's a small smile playing on his lips that makes Jensen's heart flip. 

He eats the muffin with his leg pressed against Jared, sitting closer than strictly necessary in the backseat of the car.

On set, he's barely gotten out of the car before Jared's arm rests casually around his shoulders, Jared babbling about a documentary on sharks he saw on TV.

"Whatever it was that happened between you two, I'm glad you worked it out," Jeannie later says when she's done with Jensen's hair.

Jensen glances at Jared, who is reenacting what looks like a stunt gone wrong for Shannon. "Yeah. Me, too," he agrees.

+

Jensen almost regrets that they made up when his phone rings at 9 am that Saturday.

He reaches for it blindly, burying his face in his pillow to block the few stray beams of sunlight coming in through the blinds.

"What?" he asks, voice rough with sleep.

"Did I wake you?" Jared asks, sounding way too chipper for this time of the day.

"Dude. It's Saturday," Jensen mutters, and Jared makes an apologetic noise.

"Right. Sorry," he says. "The dogs woke me up early and we just got done with our run, and well, they missed you."

"You called me to tell me your dogs missed me."

"They're three-fourth my dogs and one-fourth your dogs," Jared replies. "And I called you to tell you we're standing outside your building. The doorman is looking at us a little bit suspiciously."

Jensen groans, but flips around and knuckles his eyes. "You're insane."

"I'm also kinda cold, so can we come up? Please?"

"Yeah. Come on up," Jensen says, sitting up. 

He's in an old pair of jeans and a comfortable sweater, coffee maker switched on, by the time Jared wrestles the dogs inside. Jensen smiles as he gets down onto his knees. Both dogs rush up to him, and he lets them slobber all over his face while he buries his hands in their short fur.

When he looks up, he finds Jared watching them with a fond expression on his face.

"They really did miss me, huh?" Jensen asks, a bit sheepish.

Jared shrugs. "They're used to you being around all the time," he says. 

"I'm sorry I wasn't," Jensen replies softly, but Jared waves him off.

"You can make it up to them by going to the park with us later. And maybe buying their daddy lunch."

"I can do that," Jensen agrees with a nod. He holds his hand out to Jared, letting him pull him up with a smile.

It _almost_ feels like old times.

+

It gets easier after that, and it feels like they're steadily returning to normal, to how they were before. 

Jared and their one-night-stand had been at the forefront of his mind for weeks. It had been all Jensen had been worrying about. But now that Jared and he have put that behind them, it's like reality starts crashing down on Jensen. And reality is that they suddenly find themselves having to worry about the show ending.

Jensen thinks he could have lived with it if _Supernatural_ hadn't been picked up after the Pilot, or if they hadn't been renewed for a second or third season. But he's pretty sure he'll be pissed if the writer's strike is what does them in. He gets it, fully supports the reasons for the strike, but the possibility that they won't come back when the season isn't even finished, when the show is left hanging in the middle of the storyline, just seems wrong.

"I mean, how much would that suck?" he says, handing Jared a beer. 

"A lot," Jared agrees. 

Jensen sighs and sits down next to Jared. "It just seems so abrupt, all of this. I mean, we're done with filming the last episode in a few days and then what? Do we say goodbye to everyone or do we assume we will at least get to come back to finish the season and then pray it actually happens? It's kinda ruining my Christmas spirit, man."

"I don't know," Jared says.

Jensen glances at him. Jared looks a little nervous, and the monosyllabic answers aren't like him at all. "What's up with you?"

"There's something I wanted to talk to you about," Jared says, frowning. "I wanted you to hear about it from me. And well, be the first to hear about it at all, actually."

"About what?"

"Sandy and I are going to get engaged," Jared says.

Jensen feels like his world comes to a sudden, screeching stop. "Excuse me?" he says.

Jared grimaces. "My agent's on my case about it. He thinks it's a good idea – a huge gesture to up my het credit or something," he says with a shrug. "And well, Sandy wants out. She met someone."

Jensen frowns. "Okay. I'm not following you. Sandy's dating someone else, so you're getting engaged?"

"Well, fake 'engaged'," Jared says, using quotation marks. "We had lunch with my agent a couple of weeks ago when I was in L.A. to tell him we wanted to announce our breakup or whatever. I don't even know how he talked us into this whole thing about getting engaged instead."

"Still not following you," Jensen interjects.

Jared sighs. "Well, he thinks instead of just announcing Sandy and I are no longer dating, it would be good for us to pretend to be engaged and then break the engagement off a few months later."

"That's stupid," Jensen replies. 

Jared chuckles. "I know, right?" he says. "But we kinda agreed to do it."

"The guy Sandy's dating too?"

Jared nods. "Yeah. I met him and all three of us talked about it, and he says he's fine with it. It's not like it's gonna be real. Sandy will wear a ring on her finger for a while, we'll pop up at some events, and I'll come up with some sweet story about how I asked her to marry me, and then we'll split."

"I still think it's stupid," Jensen repeats. "I mean, why can't you just break up and be done with it? Why do you need one more big splash?"

"Because saying I dated Sandy for a few years is one thing. But being able to say, 'hey, I was engaged to that girl' apparently makes me a lot more heterosexual," Jared says with a forced smile. "I'm not too happy about it either. But Sandy said she doesn't mind."

"This whole business is fucked up," Jensen mutters, taking a sip of his beer. "Sometimes I think I should have just gone to college, gotten some boring 9 to 5 job, and lived a quiet, uneventful life."

"But then you never would have met me," Jared points out.

Jensen tips his bottle at him. "There's that," he agrees. "So, I guess congratulations on your prospective fake engagement. Need me to help you pick out a ring?"

"Nah. But hey, wanna be my fake best man? You won't even have to do anything since we'll break up."

"Totally," Jensen agrees, and Jared laughs softly. He tips his head to the side, cheek resting against Jensen's shoulder.

"I never thought I'd do this whole bearding thing," he says, softly. "I mean, I've kinda been doing it, but that was different, you know? Or maybe I was just lying to myself, pretending it was different."

"Well, maybe a little bit of both," Jensen amends.

"Maybe. I think I just kept telling myself I wasn't really lying. Sandy and I did date after all, so I just told myself it was more like we just didn't tell people we broke up. Like, I was taking my best friend to all these events and people thought she was my girlfriend, but so what? It wasn't _that_ far off from the truth. I dropped her name in a few interviews here and there, and yeah, I lied, but that's different to telling everyone we're going to get married."

Jensen sighs, turning his head so his cheek brushes against Jared's hair. "It is," he agrees. "How do your parents feel about the whole thing?"

"Kinda pissed," Jared admits. "I mean, they always understood why I did it, but they think getting engaged is taking it a step too far. And they're absolutely right, but part of me kinda wants to do it. Like, if I do this now and then we break up, at least I get some peace and quiet after that."

Jensen curls his arm around Jared's shoulders and squeezes him. "Yeah. I kinda get that," he says. "How about we watch a movie with lots of shit exploding and forget about everything for a while?"

Jared sits up and gives him a smile. "Sounds good," he agrees.

+

"This is nice," Jared says, sitting down on the porch swing next to Jensen and handing him a bottle of beer.

"What? The fact that our mothers are in there, conspiring?" Jensen asks, pointing his thumb in the general direction of the house behind them. 

"Bonding," Jared corrects him. "They're bonding over how much they both adore us."

"Dude, my mom was telling your mom how much she worries that I don't sleep enough when we're in Vancouver and your mom promised to talk to _you_ about it," Jensen points out.

Jared gives him a sheepish look. "Your mom already pulled me aside earlier. She's just worried."

"And you probably sold me out," Jensen grumbles.

"She offered me pie!" Jared argues. "Dude, she was bribing me. You know I'm weak."

Jensen sighs. "She would have let you have more pie even if you'd told her I get enough sleep and there's nothing to worry about."

Jared sighs. "Our parents aren't stupid. They noticed we kinda had a tough time this season," he says. 

Jensen snorts and glances at Jared. "Who would have thought that we'd actually spend Christmas together? Just a few months ago, I was pretty sure we fucked up our friendship."

"Well, we're okay now, right?" Jared says, nudging Jensen. "And I wouldn't have wanted to spend Christmas anywhere but here."

"Because of my mom's pie," Jensen says.

"Well, yeah. Why else would I want to be here?" Jared asks, and then cackles when Jensen tries to pull him into a headlock. Considering how tall Jared is, nothing but long limbs and bulging muscles, he's surprisingly flexible and he slips out of Jensen's grasp.

Standing on the other side of the porch, he sticks his tongue out. "Can't get me, old man," he taunts.

Jensen waits for a few second, watching the way Jared watches him, and then jumps up. Jared yelps in surprise before turning around. Jensen chases him through the whole backyard a few times, and by the time they make it back inside they're both sweaty and grinning, a few pieces of grass clinging to Jared's shirt and both of their jeans stained.

+

The day the end of the writer's strike is announced will probably go down as one of best days in Jensen's life, and the following announcement that _Supernatural_ has been renewed for another season only sweetens the whole thing.

Jensen moves in with a friend for those few short months in Vancouver, who is working in L.A. right now anyway. The place nicer than Jensen's usual apartments in hotels, the furniture a comfortable mix of everything instead of the sleek, boring stuff he's used to. There are little knickknacks everywhere, things that prove that the apartment is more than just a place someone comes to sleep. It's not quite as homey as Jared's house and the photos on the mantel aren't of people Jensen holds dear, but the guest room he stays in is lived-in and comfortable.

"You could have just crashed at my place," Jared says offhandedly when they run lines on set together. 

"You could have told me that sooner," Jensen replies and then pointedly repeats Dean's line.

Jared rattles off his own and then sighs. "It just would have been fun to have you around the house. Things are kinda shitty right now," he says.

Jensen quirks an eyebrow. "Why's that?"

"Because I'm 'engaged' now," Jared says. "I feel so bad about lying to everyone about this. And every time someone comes up congratulate me, I have to smile and say thanks and act as if I'm over the moon."

"Good thing you're an actor," Jensen kids, and Jared shoots him a glare. "Okay, sorry. No jokes about the fake engagement, got it."

Jared groans. "No, sorry. I'm being an ass. I just hate this whole situation."

Jensen nudges him. "Well, look at it this way: just a little bit longer and then the whole thing will blow over."

"And then everyone will pity me instead because they'll think my fiancée left me."

"They could think you left her."

Jared grimaces. "Which would make me a huge asshole. That's not really that much better."

"Guess not," Jensen agrees. "But hey, I'll have your back, man. It'll be fine."

"Maybe you could make up some story about how you only have a few more months to live and they'll pity you and ignore me instead?"

"Who am I? Dean?" Jensen asks.

Jared's lips lift up into a grin. "You kinda look like him, dude."

"Yeah," Jensen muses. "I get that a lot. Funny, huh?"

"Yeah. Personally, I think you're much more handsome than that Dean guy."

Jensen shrugs. "That's because Dean is always standing next to that weird other guy. His ugliness is kinda dragging Dean down," he says, and ducks with a laugh when Jared hits him with his script.

"Kidding," he yelps when Jared starts poking him in the side, too. 

"I'm not convinced. That comment was mean, Ackles, even for you."

"Will I be forgiven if I come around tonight with steaks and a bottle of wine?"

"Two bottles," Jared bargains.

"Okay, two. Greedy bastard," Jensen agrees, but he feels pleased when Jared beams happily at him, his earlier mood forgotten.

+

Jensen spends most of the summer in Pittsburgh, shooting _My Bloody Valentine_. Jared sends him photos of the clear, blue sunny skies over Austin where he's shooting _Friday the 13th_ , or the steakhouses or TexMex restaurants he goes to for dinner, and of an 'Austin' road sign. Jensen ignores the teasing until he gets a photo of his parent's house.

The accompanying text says, ' _visiting your family for the weekend. Eating your mom's pie right now and will sleep in your bed tonight. HAHA._ '

Jensen leaves him a voice message, describing all the ways in which he hates Jared while he stares at the rather bleak sky over Pittsburgh.

It's late by the time he gets home that night, and he finds a voice message from Jared on his cell.

"You love me," Jared says, sounding sleepy. "Your mom invited me, anyway, so it's not my fault. I couldn't turn her down. And man, believe me, it would have been awesome if you could have been here. I miss your stupid face. So does your mom, by the way."

Three days later, Jensen gets a package. There are two thick hoodies inside and Jensen's name is spelled out on the package in Jared's messy handwriting. Jensen rolls his eyes but puts one of the hoodies on before going to set that day.

"I'm impressed," Kerr says one day when Jensen receives a text from Jared between takes.

"By?"

"By the fact that you two are joined at the hip, even when you're in separate states," Kerr says, sounding amused.

Jensen shrugs sheepishly. "He's a good friend."

"Hmm. You're on the phone with him more often than I'm on the phone with my wife, man."

"So?" Jensen asks.

Kerr shrugs. "So nothing. It's just—impressive, a friendship like that."

Jensen pockets his cell. "It's mostly just us on the show. In _Canada_. It makes you bond," he jokes, and Kerr laughs. 

"I think we're more co-dependent than Sam and Dean," Jensen says to Jared's voicemail that night. "It should worry me, but eh, what the hell. Try not to let that Jason character kick your ass too bad, Jay. Sam will have to find some way to get Dean out of hell, so I need you to be in good shape. I'll try calling you again tomorrow – maybe we'll actually manage to talk to each other instead of our voicemails for once. Miss you."

He hangs up and leaves his cell phone on the nightstand, before turning his face into the pillow and trying to fall asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

** Season 4 **

"You said you bought a bed," Jensen says, staring accusingly into the trunk of Jared's SUV, where shopping bags and big cardboard boxes in various sizes are piled high. He recognizes the Home Depot label on one of the bags.

"You said you'd move in," Jared replies in the same tone and gives Jensen a pointed look.

"I did," Jensen argues.

"Dude. You had, like, two duffel bags of clothes and a couple of boxes of random shit. That's not moving in, that's temporarily staying somewhere."

Jensen sighs. "We're starting our fourth season, Jay, this probably will be temporary."

Jared glares at him before ignoring him. He hefts the first big, long cardboard box over his shoulder. Jensen sighs before grabbing one too and following Jared into the house. Harley happily trails after him on each trip outside and back inside, while Sadie sits in Jensen's bedroom, watching them curiously as they empty the car.

"So what's all this anyway?" Jensen asks when he puts the last box down onto the floor. "A complete set of furniture for a family of five?"

Jared rolls his eyes. "A bed, a dresser, a nightstand, and then the usual crap you need. A few sets of sheets, linen, towels. A lamp for the nightstand. Nothing much."

"You bought me linen and towels?" Jensen asks, gaping at the bags. 

"I didn't get the impression you were about to buy yourself any of that any time soon," Jared replies, crossing his arms over his chest.

"What next? You gonna pick out my underwear?"

"If you're too stubborn to do it yourself just to prove a point, maybe," Jared replies. "Are we really going to get into a fight over this?"

Jensen sighs. "I told you moving in together wasn't a good idea."

"Jensen," Jared says. "You're the one making a fuss. Look, you moved in and I want you to feel like you actually live here instead of just being some guest sleeping on a freaking air mattress in the spare room. I just bought a few things for you, okay?"

Jensen deflates a little, because he knows Jared is right. When Jared had suggested moving in together, Jensen had maybe freaked out a little, worried that it would mess things up or complicate things. After what happened last year, and the way it almost tore them apart, he figures his worries aren't completely unjustified. Jared doesn't seem to share those concerns though – hell, it had been Jared's excitement at the prospect of living together that had made Jensen agree to move in in the first place. 

"Yeah," he says, and shrugs. "Thanks, I guess."

"You're welcome. I guess," Jared mimics, and then steps over a few boxes to get to the other side of the room. "The store's gonna ship the mattress here tomorrow, but I figured we could put the bed together and just push the airbed into the middle of the room for tonight."

Jensen runs a hand through his hair. "Yeah, okay," he says. "Let's do this."

Jared's wide smile is worth it. Even when Jared almost drives a screw through his thumb, has two splinters in his fingers by the end of the night, and almost knocks his head against the wall when he stumbles over one of the empty cardboard boxes.

+

"What's this?" Jared asks, and Jensen turns around from where he's sorting his CDs alphabetically. Jared's holding up a manila envelope and Jensen is puzzled for a second before he realizes it's the envelope with his bucket list. After all these years, the paper is worn and wrinkled, and Jensen had put it in the box with his books when he'd packed up his things.

"Nothing," he says. "Just put it wherever."

Jared raises an eyebrow. "Dude, if it's nothing you wouldn't have it with you. Is it something secret? Or something embarrassing, like childhood pictures or crap like that?"

"It's a bucket list," Jensen says, hoping Jared will drop the subject.

Of course, he doesn't.

"You have a bucket list?" Jared asks, but he doesn't sound teasing like Jensen had thought he would. Instead, he sounds curious, as he considers the slim envelope in his hands. "Really?"

Jensen shrugs. "I started it when I was a teenager," he says. "I don't know why I keep carrying it around."

"I think it's cool. Kinda like, it makes you keep perspective of what you want," Jared says. 

"I guess," Jensen admits, placing the stack of Johnny Cash CDs onto the shelf.

Jared makes a humming noise, turning the envelope around in his hand. "Can I see it?" he asks.

A "no" is at the tip of Jensen's tongue. He's never shown the list to anyone; he's pretty sure none of his friends or family even know Jensen has the list. It's just something he does for himself. But Jared's looking at him hopefully, like he expects getting to read it will give him some secret knowledge of Jensen, and it makes Jensen smile a little. He can't think of anything Jared doesn't already know about him anyway, so he shrugs.

"If you want to," he says. "It's not that interesting."

"Says you," Jared replies. 

There's a gleeful grin on his face as he opens the envelope and retrieves the sheets of paper from inside. Jensen watches him for a moment before putting down the CD he's holding and joins Jared in the other corner of the room. He nudges a few books aside with his foot before sitting down next to Jared.

"It's really just stupid stuff," he says as he skims the list himself.

"It's not stupid," Jared replies, giving Jensen a small smile. "It's very—you, in a way. Always keeping everything organized."

"That's a good thing?"

Jared shrugs. "I think it is. I wish I was more like that sometimes," he admits. "Hell, maybe I should just make a list like this too."

He turns to the next page, and Jensen watches the expression on Jared's face as he reads item after item. The way some things make him smile, others make him raise his eyebrows, a couple make him frown.

"When did you write this?" Jared asks, tapping his finger against the item written down at the bottom of the last page. Jensen doesn't need to read the words to know what's there - _fall in love and settle down with someone_. 

"Last year. After, you know, the whole thing with that guy at the bar," he says. "It made me think. And the stuff you said to me, you know? I mean, I didn't decide then and there that I wanted a relationship. But it made me realize that I wanted to have that in my life _one day_."

"Yeah," Jared says.

"I just—I've never had a relationship that really mattered. That was really serious," Jensen continues. "And that worked for me, I was fine with that, but I think I want more now. I'm ready for more."

Jared nods, a small smile on his lips. "What about what it could mean for your career?"

Jensen shrugs. "My career's important. I wanna do this job as long as I can and I'm not going to risk it. I'm not going to be out and proud," he says. "But someone smart once said to me that he didn't want to wake up one day and realize how alone he is. I don't want that either."

"Someone smart, huh?" Jared asks teasingly.

"He has his moments."

Jared grins. "A lot of them," he says. He holds the bucket list up, waving it around a little. "There's some things on this you gotta change though."

"Yeah? Like what?" Jensen asks, puzzled.

Jared gives him a brilliant smile, nodding at the airbed lying on the ground a few feet away. Sadie and Harley have staked their claim, sprawled out all over it. "You already have two dogs, man. I've told you that a million times, so cross that off your list before you break my babies' hearts and make them think you don't want them."

Jensen laughs loud enough to rouse Harley, who lifts his head and barks, low and huffy, before turning away from them.

Jensen gets a pen and crosses " _Get a dog_ " out, giving Jared a look once he's done. "Happy?" he asks.

Jared nods. "Very."

+

The first episode is pretty Dean heavy, and Jared has an extra day off while Jensen is already needed on set. The night before, Jared teases him mercilessly about how he's going to sleep in the next morning and he cuts Jensen off after two beers, claiming Jensen needs to be well rested.

Jensen's filming on location the first day, and it's swelteringly hot and with each minute that passes, he swears he can feel another handful of freckles popping up all over his body.

He gets home that day feeling grimy and exhausted. He finds Jared in the kitchen, stirring something in a pot.

"Honey, you're home," Jared says when he spots him, a big grin plastered on his face.

"Honey, you're cooking me dinner," Jensen deadpans. "You're such a good little wife."

"Emphasis on the little."

"Of course. Look at you, all petite and dainty," Jensen says in a ridiculous drawl. "Just how I like my women."

"Oh," Jared says in a falsetto voice and bats his eyelashes at Jensen. "You make me all tingly inside, you big, strong man."

"Don't I know it," Jensen says, stepping up to the stove. "Pasta?"

"Yes," Jared replies unnecessarily, flicking a chopped piece of onion at Jensen. "How was filming?"

"Hot," Jensen says, wrinkling his nose. "Am I all freckled?"

Jared peers down at him, a hand coming up to run a careful thumb over Jensen's cheek as he nods. "A little sunburned too."

Jensen groans, and then lifts his arm to show the band-aid on his skin where he cut himself on fake glass. "I'm completely disfigured," he jokes.

"Hideous," Jared agrees. "You also smell, so go take a shower. Food will be ready by the time you're done."

Jensen cocks his head to the side, watching the way Jared stirs the sauce in the pan. "You really do make an excellent wife," he muses.

"I told you moving in with me would have its perks," Jared says, lips quirked in amusement. 

"That sounds vaguely dirty," Jensen says. He dibs his finger into the thick, red sauce and hisses at how hot it is, but he sticks his finger into his mouth anyway, sucking the sauce off.

"Jensen," Jared scolds. "Seriously, go take a shower. I don't want your grubby fingers in my food."

"Yes, dear," Jensen sing-songs.

In the doorway, he turns to look at Jared once more. Jared's back is facing him, and his hips are swinging a little as he hums to himself, stirring the sauce. Jensen grins and thinks maybe Jared is right and this won't turn out to be too bad.

+

Jensen is eating breakfast at the island in the kitchen when Jared draws a thick, black line in the middle of the whiteboard. ' _Ackles-Padalecki Household Rules_ ', he writes at the top of the left side.

"What are you doing?" Jensen asks.

"I'm making sure our new living arrangement runs as smoothly as possible," Jared says.

Jensen snorts when he sees Jared write down the first point. 

' _1\. Jared Padalecki is awesome._ '

"One, that's a lie. Two, that doesn't have anything to do with us living together."

Jared continues writing and glares pointedly at Jensen over his shoulder.

' _2\. Jared Padalecki is the owner of this house. Jensen Ackles is thereby required never to question Jared Padalecki when on the premises._ '

"In your dreams," Jensen says, sipping his coffee.

Jared adds the third rule. 

' _3\. Jared Padalecki is always right._ ' 

"This is getting really unfair," Jensen points out.

"Fine," Jared says with a sigh. 

' _4\. Jensen Ackles is the prettiest princess in the whole of Vancouver and beyond. Non-believers will be punished by death at the hands of the two guards, Sadie and Harley._ '

Jensen laughs. "You're ridiculous, Padalecki," he says, finishing his coffee before getting up and joining Jared at the white board. "Give me the marker."

"Nu-uh," Jared says.

"Jared. Give me the marker."

"Fine, but I get to veto anything you write down on this."

"And I don't get to veto yours?" Jensen asks. Jared taps his finger against the second point on the board and Jensen sighs.

"Good thing nobody can make out your chicken scratch anyway," he mutters, and Jared pushes him.

"Jensen. You're treading dangerous ground," Jared says. "Now either write something on the board or give me the marker back."

Jensen uncaps the marker and carefully begins writing.

' _5\. Jared Padalecki will make breakfast for Jensen Ackles on the weekends and offer free backrubs whenever Jensen Ackles is in need of, or desires, one._ '

"I think, no," Jared says and wipes it away with the hem of his shirt.

"Jesus, Jared. Use a rag, not your shirt," Jensen complains. 

"Whatever. It's an old shirt anyway," Jared replies. 

He snags the marker from Jensen. 

' _5\. Residents of this house are allowed to demand free hugs from co-residents at any time._ '

Jensen laughs. "You've been hugging me without my consent since the day we met anyway," he says.

Jared shrugs. "My hugs are awesome and you love them," he replies.

Jensen nudges him aside with his hip. "Hey. Should we write down some actual rules?"

"These are actual rules," Jared says, then squints at the whiteboard. "Like what?"

"I don't know. Chores we have to do, any boundaries we want to keep, stuff like that."

"Guess it wouldn't be a bad idea. Though, really, as long as you clean up after yourself I'm good," Jared says with a shrug.

"Still," Jensen says. "With the schedules we keep, maybe it's good to have some rules for those kinda things or we'll never get anything done."

"Yeah," Jared agrees, and starts writing again.

' _6\. Sadie and Harley are co-parented. All residents of the house hereby agree to share full responsibility, concerning the dogs' health, daily walks, playtime and cuddles._ '

Jensen laughs. "Agreed," he says, taking the marker from Jared again.

' _7\. All alcohol is considered shared property._ '

They swap the marker back and forth, adding rule after rule.

' _8\. Jared's candy stash is NOT shared property._ '

' _9\. Video games must be played at least once a week. Movie night, as well, must be once a week – on the same note: Jared Padalecki is not allowed to annoy Jensen Ackles with bizarre, geeky movie quotes after watching a movie together._ '

Jared writes "Oh, Jensen Ackles, my precioussss" beneath that point.

There are a few more rules after that, like how Jensen is not allowed to cook food to protect Jared's health and Jared isn't allowed to dance in the common areas to protect Jensen's belongings.

When they're done, most of the whiteboard is completely covered in their writing. There's a small corner left that Jared declares is for important notes.

"Take that, Kripke and your writing minions with your amateurish whiteboard," Jared says with a fistpump. He slings one arm around Jensen's shoulder and grins.

"None of these rules are actually very useful, you know."

Jared gives Jensen a puzzled look. "Dude, these rules are awesome."

"I never said they weren't awesome," Jensen replies and grins. Looking back at the whiteboard, Jensen thinks the whole thing is probably Jared and him in a nutshell.

+

"Isn't Misha a name for a chick?" Jared asks, eyes fixed on their new co-star.

Jensen's lips quirk up into a smile. "I'm pretty sure you're being a dick right now," he says. "What happened to us trying to be all nice and welcoming to all our guest stars?"

"I was very nice and welcoming when you introduced us earlier," Jared says. "It's not like he'll know what I'm saying about him behind his back."

"Either way, I'm pretty sure Misha's a name for guys too. Obviously," Jensen says, accepting the tennis ball Sadie brings him with a wagging tail. He pets her and coos, "Good girl."

He hands the ball to Jared to throw, too lazy to get up from the steps of Jared's trailer to do it himself. He watches Jared let the ball sail through the air effortlessly, Sadie and Harley both bounding after it.

"You almost hit the wardrobe trailer," he says.

"It's a tennis ball. It's not like it'll do any harm," Jared replies with a shrug.

"Unless you hit someone," Jensen points out, and then grimaces when Harley runs into one of the grips. "Or your dogs kill someone."

"Our dogs, Jensen."

"When it's convenient for you."

Jared grins. "Of course," he says, before glancing the other way. "I can't figure out if Misha seems weird in that quirky, awesome kind of way or in the 'I wouldn't put it past him to kill me in my sleep' kind of way."

"You're oddly fascinated with that guy," Jensen says, looking at Misha who seems to be running lines. Or maybe talking to himself.

"You started it by telling me he was weird."

"Well, not in a 'I wouldn't put it past him to kill me in my sleep' kind of way," Jensen says, and kicks at Jared.

Jared swats him. "Stop that," he grouses, and then crouches down to accept the ball from the dogs before throwing it again.

Jensen leans back against the trailer, tipping his head up to catch a few rays of sun.

"You're going to be so freckled soon, nobody will even be able to see your skin," Jared says.

"In which case it'll look like I have an awesome tan," Jensen replies.

"You'll look like a freak," Jared shoots back. "And I'll put pictures of your lily white ass online to show everyone how very not tan you are."

"My ass is not lily white, asshole. And how are you gonna get a picture of it anyway?"

"We're living together. Maybe I have secretly installed cameras all over your room," Jared says with a smirk. 

"Maybe," Jensen says, glaring at Jared, "I'll be the one killing you in your sleep."

"You're no fun," Jared says with a sigh, and then nudges Jensen. "Scoot over. I'm getting sick of standing."

Jensen groans exaggeratedly but makes room for Jared. They sit side-by-side on the narrow steps, bodies pressed together, and Jensen tilts his face back up, closing his eyes. The sun is warm on his face, and Jared's body next to his is like a furnace.

"Hey," Jared says after a while. 

"Hmm?"

"I got three smartass comments about how we're shacking up today. One of them included a kinda rude comment about how hot your ass is."

Jensen laughs, eyes remaining closed. "Four," he mumbles.

"Damn," Jared replies, sounding disappointed.

Word about them living together had spread like a wildfire around set and while the general consensus is that Jensen is an awesome best friend who moved in because Jared must still be devastated about the break-up with Sandy, there's a string of jokes and innuendo about the two of them. 

Jensen thinks there's some kind of irony in the whole thing, but he wisely keeps his mouth shut and suffers through the endless jokes about them being boyfriends.

+

Saturday morning, Jensen shuffles into the kitchen with a yawn, going straight for the coffeemaker. He's halfway through the kitchen, when he notices Jared has written something onto the empty side of the whiteboard in red marker.

' _@ the store, grocery shopping. Call me if you need anything!_ '

Jensen switches the coffeemaker on first and retrieves the box of Lucky Charms from the cupboard before grabbing his cell.

"Are you still at the store?" he asks when Jared picks up.

"Yup. Anything you want me to get for you?" Jared asks, sounding a little distracted. 

"Cereal," Jensen says.

"Are you eating my Lucky Charms again?" Jared asks suspiciously.

Jensen pops a few pieces of the cereal into his mouth, straight from the box. "No," he lies.

"I can hear you chewing."

"I'm eating a banana."

"We don't have any bananas," Jared replies.

"Oh," Jensen says. "Then get those too."

Jared sighs loudly. "Anything else, princess?"

"Stuff for sandwiches. Maybe steaks and corn on the cob and we'll fire up the barbeque today," Jensen suggests.

"Already way ahead of you, dude," Jared replies.

"Awesome," Jensen says. "Think you can pick out a nice bottle of wine, too? I'm sick of beer."

"You?" Jared asks. "But yeah."

"And shampoo," Jensen quickly adds. "I'm all out."

"Any special brand?"

Jensen drops another handful of cereal into his mouth. "Don't care," he says, voice muffled. "Just none of that fruity stuff."

Of course, when Jared comes back an hour later, he presents Jensen with a bright pink bottle of shampoo, designed for kids.

Jensen glares at him, opening the bottle to sniff at it surreptitiously. "That's vile," he complains.

Jared takes the bottle from him, sniffing at it too and laughs. "We can use it for the dogs," he says. "Don't worry. I got you some decent shampoo, too. It's somewhere in one of the bags. And since I'm an awesome friend I splurged on conditioner, too."

"Thanks," Jensen says. "Cause we both know I'll be the one using that stuff."

Jared gives him a smile, eyes twinkling. "No problem," he says, and his voice is a little softer than usual. Jensen writes it off and tries to ignore the way it makes his stomach flutter a little.

+

"I'll bring you a present," Jared promises, putting his suitcase down. "A lei or something."

"I'll make sure the dogs know you're abandoning them for a week in the sun," Jensen replies, reaching down to pet Sadie. "You hear that, girl?"

Jared laughs. "Seriously, man. You don't mind taking care of them for the week?"

Jensen waves Jared off. "It's fine. You go have fun in Hawaii. I'll make sure the show keeps running smoothly and keep us both in a job."

"It's not my fault Sam isn't really in the episode."

"You could be a good supporting friend and stay in Vancouver though," Jensen points out with a smirk.

"Whatever," Jared replies, but he steps forward and pulls Jensen into a hug. "I'll miss you."

"It's one week," Jensen says, hugging Jared back.

"I'll still miss you," Jared replies, and fuck, if that doesn't make Jensen feel like a teenager whose crush just acknowledged his existence, all happy and hopeful. He pulls away, taking a step back and feels a tiny bit relieved when a car honks outside.

"Probably your cab," Jensen says. "Have fun. Send me a postcard or something."

"Will do," Jared promises, before lifting up his suitcase and waving at Jensen with his free hand. Jensen just barely resists walking Jared to the front door, or worse, going to the window to watch the cab drive off. 

"I'm pathetic," he mumbles, looking down at Sadie who stares back up at him. "Pathetic and stupid. And crushing on your daddy, which is _bad_ , Sadie."

Sadie thumps her tail.

"This totally stays between us, okay?" Jensen adds, and then gives Sadie a milkbone, just in case.

It's only been a few weeks since he moved in, but it's getting harder and harder for Jensen to ignore the fact that maybe he does have feelings for Jared that go beyond friendship. He tries to tell himself it's nothing to worry about, that maybe he's still a little confused more than half a year after hooking up with Jared and that, when you sleep with one of your best friends, it's only natural to have a small crush on them. It's starting to sound like an excuse even in his own head lately, though.

+

The weekend after Jared returns to Vancouver from his little trip – with a promised lei that he places around Jensen's neck with a wide grin – Jensen goes back to Los Angeles for the weekend.

Jared doesn't seem all too keen about the idea, though.

"I was just kinda looking forward to coming back here, working for a few days and then getting to hang out with you," he says as an explanation, giving Jensen a pleading look. 

"I promised Danneel and the guys I'd fly down for the weekend, spend some time with them," Jensen replies.

"We just started shooting the season."

"Yeah, but it's not like we got to see anyone in L.A. much during hiatus," Jensen says.

"Yeah, I know," Jared says with a sheepish laugh, running a hand through his hair. "Just ignore me. I'm just a little bummed about being in the house on my own for the weekend, I guess."

Jensen gives him a skeptical look. "You sure?" he asks. "Nothing happened that you didn't tell me about, right?"

"Of course not," Jared says, shaking his head. "I'm being an idiot. Go to L.A. and have fun, man."

Jensen doesn't mention that he would have gone even if Jared had kept sulking about it, because it won't do much to brighten Jared's mood. It's not that he doesn't want to stay and hang out with Jared over the weekend, but what he really needs right now is a few days away. Some time to clear his head, to talk to Danneel or even Chris and Steve. To have someone tell him that moving in with Jared wasn't a horrendously stupid idea that will come back to bite him in the ass.

+

Jensen watches Danneel pick at her pasta, making a face as she spears an olive with her fork before putting it onto Jensen's plate. 

They're sitting outside, the chatter of other people filling the air, and Jensen is wearing sunglasses to block out the bright light.

"I don't want your olives," Jensen complains, pushing them aside with his own fork.

"They're a gift. No take backs," Danneel replies with a grin.

"Why am I friends with you?"

"Because I'm awesome," Danneel says.

"Totally," Jensen deadpans. He cuts off a piece of his chicken and scoops it into his mouth, chewing slowly. 

"So how are things in Vancouver?" Danneel asks after taking a sip of her soda. "I haven't talked to you since before you went back for filming."

"Fine. Busy," Jensen replies.

"And living with Jared?" Danneel asks, raising an eyebrow.

Jensen shrugs. "Surprisingly good most of the time," he says honestly, because, certain facts excluded, it has been good. "I mean, I was a little worried but it's been working fine so far. But—I don't know."

"You don't know what?"

"If it was the best the best idea to move in with him. I mean, all things that happened between us considered, it's a little weird, right?" Jensen asks.

"Not if neither of you thinks it is," Danneel says with a small shrug. "I mean, if it's working out okay, that's good, isn't it?"

"I guess," Jensen admits.

"Maybe you should just forget about the fact that you had sex with him _once_ ," Danneel suggests. "I mean, Jared suggested you move in, right? He seems to have moved on from the whole thing, and it was just a one-night stand, anyway."

"Yeah, right," Jensen mutters, picking up his coke. 

Danneel groans. "You know, trying to talk to you about this is harder than it was to talk about feelings with any of my ex-boyfriends," she says.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, when you told me you'd slept with Jared and I suggested maybe it was more, you shot the idea down and insisted a relationship wasn't going to happen," she says. "And now I say it was just a one-time thing and you get all huffy."

"I'm not huffy," Jensen denies.

"Right," Danneel says. "Look, do you have feelings for him or not, Jensen?"

Jensen fiddles with his fork and finally shrugs. "I don't know. Yeah," he says. "But it's complicated."

"Why? Because you're complicating things?"

"Because there's a difference between crushing on someone and actually having real feelings for them, and I'm not sure which one it is," Jensen says, running a hand down his face. "And as you so helpfully pointed out, Jared seems to have moved on. Hell, I don't even know if there ever was something he had to move on from, or if it was never more than one night of sex for him."

"I don't know what to tell you, Jensen," Danneel says. "I don't know how Jared feels and I can't tell you how you really feel either. But if you don't try to talk to Jared about this or get over those feelings you have for him, it's gonna end up messy. You can't just avoid this and let it fester."

"I know," Jensen says with a soft groan. "Don't you think I know how bad this whole thing is? I'm living with him, Danneel, and he's so—stupidly _Jared_ and I don't know how to deal with that sometimes because I feel like I had a shot and I totally blew it."

"So what do you plan to do?"

Jensen shrugs. "Ignore it and hope it goes away, for now," he says, and the way Danneel purses her lips, Jensen thinks he might have made the wrong decision, but it's the only option he sees.

Jared seems happy with the way things are between them, and Jensen isn't about to fuck it all up again.

"Anyway," Jensen adds, aiming for casual and spears one of the olives. "I think maybe I should try dating. If I find someone I'm even remotely interested in."

"I can set you up with someone," Danneel offers.

Jensen grimaces and pops the olive into his mouth. "I'm in Vancouver," he reminds her. "And no thanks."

Danneel shrugs. "Whatever. I was trying to be nice, ass," she says and frowns a little. "So, you think it'll help you get over this thing with Jared?"

"I don't wanna date someone to get over Jared," Jensen replies. "I wanna date someone just...just because. It'd be nice."

"Huh," Danneel says. 

"I haven't really been dating in a while. I didn't want to," Jensen says offhandedly. "I'm still not sure how to go about it."

Danneel quirks an eyebrow and grins. "You don't know how to date? What are you? Sixteen?" she asks.

Jensen glares at her. "That's not what I mean," he says. "I mean—I know I'm not super famous, but I can't just date a guy. It'd have to be someone who gets it. Who's okay with staying in the closet. I'm ready to try a relationship—but I'm not ready to risk my career over it."

"It's not impossible, Jensen. You know how many guys in Hollywood are gay? Tons," Danneel says. "Some are even out."

"Yeah, and nine times out of ten their relationship goes down the drain once they're out," Jensen says with a sigh.

Danneel gives him a sympathetic smile and reaches over the table, covering his hand with hers. "Well, if I can ever help with anything, let me know," she says.

"Help?" Jensen offers. "You mean..."

"I mean, there'd be worse things in the world than dropping a few coy comments and hanging out with you in public. I wouldn't mind."

Jensen nods slowly. "I'll think about it. Maybe."

Danneel smiles, red painted lips stretching wide and deep dimples in her cheeks. "Maybe once you find someone."

"Yeah," Jensen agrees.

+

Jensen tightens his hold on Sadie's leash, his feet pounding against the pavement in rhythm with Jared's. He suspects that while he can keep up with Jared, Jared probably isn't nearly as winded as he is.

He feels a surge of relief when they finally round the corner and turn onto their street. Jared slows down a little and they're down to an easy jog by the time they reach their driveway. 

Jensen wonders when he started thinking of the house as theirs instead of just Jared's, but it feels nice. Right. 

"That was good," Jared groans, turning to grin at Jensen. His hair is sticking to his forehead, dripping with sweat and his dark gray shirt is soaked through too.

Jensen makes a noise in agreement that's mostly just a wheezy sort of pant, and Jared laughs.

"I'm really out of shape," Jensen bemoans once he's caught his breath a few minutes later. He's sitting at the counter in their kitchen, a mug of steaming coffee in his hands.

"You're not," Jared replies.

"Dude, I feel like I ran a whole marathon," Jensen says.

"Well, you don't look out of shape. You look good," Jared says before clearing his throat. Jensen pretends the compliment doesn't secretly please him. 

"I'm going to take a shower," Jared adds.

"Yeah, okay," Jensen agrees. He turns his head as Jared leaves the kitchen, eyes traveling up and down Jared's body once and resting on Jared's ass a second too long. He's gotten a nice view of Jared during the whole run, the way Jared's shorts clung to his legs, the material stretching over his skin with each step Jared took. He feels guilty for ogling Jared, but it's hard to look away. Jared, in all his glorious, imperfect perfection, is right there in front of him, but Jensen can't have him. He can look and think about it and freaking pine for Jared, but that's all he gets to have.

Danneel's words echo in his head, telling him to move on before it gets messy.

Jensen risks one final glance at Jared's retreating form, his gut twisting, and thinks it's probably already too late for that.

+

It takes a few weeks of filming and working with Misha for Jensen to figure out that Misha, despite all his weirdness, is actually someone who is fast becoming a friend. Jensen never minded that it was mostly him and Jared for the past few years, with a few recurring guest actors every now and then, but a few episodes in it starts to look more and more like Misha is going to become a permanent fixture on the show and it's nice. Having someone else to share the workload with is certainly a relief.

It's also amusing to watch the love-hate relationship that has formed between Jared and Misha. It seems to be an odd mixture of them taunting each other or ganging up on everyone else. 

Amusement quickly turns into something else, though, when Jensen more and more often finds himself the butt of their jokes when they're not trying to make each other's lives living hell.

"Fucking Jared and Misha," Jensen mutters when he finds his trailer filled with wadded up pieces of newspaper. It's almost knee high, and Jensen has no choice but to wade through it to get to his backpack, which he suspects is buried somewhere under the newspaper near the couch. 

They're on their lunch break, and there are a million things Jensen would prefer over having to deal with one of Jared and Misha's practical jokes right now. More than anything, what he wants right now includes a nap and something to fend off the headache that's been building up all day.

When he steps into something wet and squishy halfway to the couch, he yelps.

From outside, he can hear muffled laughter.

Jensen rolls his eyes and turns around on his heels, almost slipping on whatever he stepped into and throws the door open.

"I hate you two," he says, finding Jared and Misha milling around outside. His eyes are fixed on Jared, who's almost doubled over from laughing too hard.

"Uh-oh, someone's in trouble now," Misha says gleefully. "Guess I killed two birds with one stone."

"Why would I be in more trouble than you?" Jared asks, voice breathless and giggles escaping between the words.

"You live with him," Misha points out. 

"Yeah, but it's my house so I can kick him out any time. He totally needs to suck up to me if he doesn't want to become homeless," Jared replies.

Jensen huffs. "The hell I do," he says. "And if my trailer isn't cleaned up by the end of the night, I'm kicking your ass."

Misha laughs. "See?" he says. 

"I meant both of you," Jensen mutters, running a hand over his face. "I'm going to take a nap in your trailer, Jay. Start cleaning."

Jared makes a protesting noise, but Jensen just moves past him and Jared doesn't make a move to stop him. He feels like a dick, like the guy who can't take a joke. But the dull throb that's been there behind his eyes since he woke up this morning is starting to turn into a full-fledged headache, and he'd just wanted to fetch his iPod to sit back and doze until they're needed back on set.

Deciding to apologize later, he slips into Jared's trailer and heads straight for the couch. He collapses onto it without so much as bothering to take off his shoes first and buries his face in the pillows. They smell like Jared's shampoo, familiar and comforting, and before long he starts to drift off.

He wakes up again when he feels a soft brush of something along his neck.

"Sorry," Jared mutters, and Jensen realizes Jared was draping a blanket over him.

"Hmm?"

"I didn't mean to wake you up," Jared says, voice hushed. "Go back to sleep, Jensen. Misha's getting you something to drink and you have another forty-five minutes before filming starts."

"What?" Jensen mumbles tiredly, rubbing his eyes.

Jared crouches down next to the couch and rests one hand on his shoulder. "We're sorry about the trailer."

"Was just a stupid prank," Jensen replies. "Sorry I overreacted."

Jared smiles at him. "I get it," he says. 

"Yeah?"

"Dude, I'm your best friend," Jared says. "I can tell the difference between you being pissy for no apparent reason and you being pissy because you're not feeling too hot."

"You can't."

Jared laughs softly and lifts his hand, running a finger down Jensen's forehead. "You draw your eyebrows together and get this line right here when you're in pain," he says. 

"I should be creeped out by you knowing these kinda things," Jensen says around a yawn.

"Headache?" Jared guesses, ignoring his comment. 

"Yeah."

"Okay, I'll leave you alone then," Jared says. "Just sleep a little while longer. I'll get you some painkillers too."

"It's not that bad yet," Jensen protests.

"Yeah, well, it will be by the time we get home tonight if you don't take something," Jared says. His voice is firm, and Jensen doesn't bother arguing with him. He just closes his eyes and snuggles deeper into the covers.

He's almost asleep again when he swears he feels Jared brush his lips over his temple, just a ghost of a touch.

+

Jensen, surprisingly, really does feel better once the painkillers kick in. Jared still gives him a pat on the back when they get home and tells him to go to bed.

"I'm okay," Jensen says.

"It's late. I'm just going to take the dogs for a quick walk and then I'm turning in myself. Just go to sleep already," Jared says, taking Jensen by the shoulders and turning him around, giving him a gentle shove.

Jensen huffs, but does as he's told anyway. By the time he's changed and brushed his teeth, slipping under the comforter, he's actually grateful Jared made him go to bed. He feels worn out, and there's still a slight pressure behind his eyes. It's more uncomfortable than really painful, and Jensen hopes a few hours of sleep are going to take care of that too.

It's nice, the way Jared is taking care of him, even if he's probably a little too worried over a simple headache. But then again, the last time Jensen wasn't feeling well he got hopped up on painkillers and alcohol and ended up in Jared's bed, so maybe Jared's just trying to avoid a repeat performance of that. The thought makes Jensen's chest ache a little.

If only, he thinks, Jared wasn't so damn awesome. It would make moving on a lot less painful.

+

"Try this one," Jared says, handing Jensen a glass of wine.

"Are you trying to get me drunk?" Jensen asks, peering at the glass he's holding. There are four open bottles of wine on the table, and Jensen's already tried three. 

"I'm trying to expand our knowledge," Jared counters, taking a sip of his own glass of wine.

They're sitting outside on the back porch, enjoying one of the last few days of summer. It's already pretty chilly with the sun having set, both of them are wearing sweaters, and Jensen is tempted to get a light jacket to put on top too.

He takes a small sip of the wine. "It's good," he says.

"You've said that about the three before, too," Jared complains, looking unhappy.

"Dude, I know how much these bottles cost. If one of them sucked, you would have seriously been ripped off."

Jared sighs. "But they all taste different. You can't just say they're all good and that's it."

"What if I happen to think they're all equally good in their own different ways?" Jensen asks with a quirk of his lips. "And why does it matter anyway?"

"I don't know. Wine's a lot more sophisticated than beer," Jared says. "I feel like it can only come in handy if we know a little something about wines too, other than that we like drinking them."

"And you're trying to be sophisticated why?" Jensen asks.

Jared shrugs. "I don't know. I just thought it would be a good idea. We can show off our awesome wine knowledge at swanky Hollywood parties and impress people."

"How many swanky Hollywood parties have you been to?" Jensen asks.

"Okay, fine. Not a lot," Jared gives in. "But you'll thank me when you turn into a big star and won't seem like a total tool at any of those parties."

"You're insane, you know that, right?" Jensen asks. He sits back more comfortably, groaning when it makes his back twinge.

"Sore?" Jared asks.

"Yeah. Aren't you?" Jensen replies. They've been filming a fight scene all day and Jensen feels like he's been put through the ringer. Maybe he should get up early in the morning and go running with Jared, or join him when he works out. Jared seemed to do a lot better during the scenes today, like his back wasn't aching in protest each time he had to get up from the ground.

"A little. Nothing too bad," Jared says with a shrug. "I can give you a massage later, if you want to."

"Nah, it's fine," Jensen says quickly, giving Jared a small smile. "It's not that bad."

"Okay. Offer still stands if you change your mind," Jared says. He picks up the small leaflet the wine dealer had given him, and Jensen watches his brow furrow as he skims it. "This one is supposed to be more flowery than the others. What d'you think?"

"I think it's good," Jensen teases, and he laughs when Jared glares at him.

"You're hopeless," Jared declares before taking another sip of his wine. "Though this one really is good."

"As were the others," Jensen adds.

Jared ignores the comment, setting his glass down. "I think we've got breadsticks somewhere. Want some?"

"Yeah," Jensen says with a nod, watching Jared get up. "Hey, there's cheese in the fridge too. Let's go all out and show the world just how sophisticated two guys from Texas can be."

"You're a dork," Jared says, but he sounds fond. 

He returns with a plate of cheese, the breadsticks, and a bag of gummy worms. 

"One of these things is not like the others. Guess which one," Jensen says with a laugh.

"They're dessert," Jared replies. "And there's only so sophisticated two guys from Texas can get before it's ridiculous."

"Hmm, right," Jensen says, snagging a piece of cheese. He makes a happy noise as he bites off a bit and chews slowly. 

"Oh, hey. Did I tell you about Genevieve?" Jared asks, picking his glass of wine back up, a piece of breadstick in the other.

"No. What about her?"

"I think she asked me out," Jared says. "I'm not really sure. We were talking and she mentioned maybe doing something together when we're not filming. It could have been an innocent 'hey, wanna hang out and be buddies' or she wants to go out on a date. I don't know."

Jensen feels his stomach twist unpleasantly and he takes a big gulp of his wine. "What did you say?" he finally asks, forcing himself to sound casual.

"Yes. But I didn't realize she might have been asking me out until later," Jared says. "I don't know. I guess I'll just have to wait and see how it turns out, right?"

"And if it is a date?" Jensen prods, trying to gauge Jared's interest. Genevieve is pretty, if tiny girls with dark hair are your thing. Jensen can't deny that Genevieve bears a certain resemblance to Sandy and Jensen doesn't really know if that's what Jared is looking for, but he wouldn't be surprised. The thought hurts more than he cares to admit.

Jared moves his glass in small circles, swishing the wine inside around. "She's nice. And a really pretty girl," he says. "Just—I don't think she's what I want right now."

"Okay," Jensen says, and he pretends he's not breathing a sigh of relief on the inside.

For all the pining he's been doing, up until now he's never considered the possibility that not only was Jared not interested, but that there might be someone else he could be interested in. Jared's not exactly the kind of guy who's short on offers, and he's not going to be single forever.

Jensen can only hope that by the time Jared finds someone, he's already over him. And maybe he's going to have to try harder to get over his newly discovered feelings for Jared if he doesn't want to end up with his heart broken.

+

In early September, Jensen runs into Derrick, the guy he used to kinda date when he was on _Smallville_. It's completely unexpected, but when Derrick asks Jensen if he wants to go for a coffee to catch up, he finds himself agreeing.

"I didn't know you were still in town," Jensen admits, stirring his coffee slowly as he peers at Derrick over the table. He hasn't changed much in the past four years – a few more lines around his eyes, his blond hair a little darker. He's still attractive, and Jensen's still not feeling a spark.

"I'm here and there. Wherever I find work," Derrick says with a shrug. "And you?"

"I've been here the whole time," Jensen says. "I'm working on a different show now, though."

"I know. I saw a couple of episodes on TV," Derrick admits, then laughs softly. "I couldn't really get into it. I couldn't get past the fact that it was _you_ , and that kinda ruined it."

"Yeah," Jensen says. 

"How's everything else?" Derrick asks, and Jensen can hear the implication clear in those words. It's not as if they were ever close – they fooled around for a few months, but things had always stayed superficial between them. 

"Fine. Same old," Jensen says, and Derrick gives him a meaningful look and a nod.

"Maybe we could meet up again? Dinner or something?" he suggests. "I actually gotta run soon. Work."

"Yeah, sure," Jensen says without hesitation, and they both know what he's agreeing to. Maybe, Jensen thinks, that's just what he needs – a little mindless distraction, someone to share a bed with for a while to get over this thing with Jared.

+

"You're going on a date?" Jared echoes, standing in the doorway of Jensen's bedroom. His hands are curled in his pockets, and he looks a little awkward, too tall to cower in the doorway like that.

"Not really a date," Jensen says with a shrug, checking his wallet for cash. "Just meeting with this guy I used to go out with a few years ago."

"So you're going on a date with your ex-boyfriend," Jared replies, and his voice is a little tense.

Jensen gives him a quizzical look. "He wasn't my _boyfriend_ ," he says. "Does it really matter?"

"Guess not," Jared says with a curt shrug.

"Hey, you get to have the house to yourself for a while. You should be happy I'm getting out of your hair," Jensen says, trying to sound light. "Or maybe you can call Misha, see if he wants to hang out? I'm pretty sure he mentioned he's in Vancouver this weekend but Vickie is visiting friends or relatives or something."

"I don't need you to find a babysitter for me while you're on a date with some guy," Jared mutters.

"Last time I checked Misha's a friend not a babysitter," Jensen says but he holds up his hands. "But whatever. Do what you want. I'll probably be home late, but I promise to be quiet, okay?"

"It's your house too. You can be as loud as you want to be," Jared says, and while the words are nice, his tone is a little petulant.

Jensen frowns at him, but a quick glance at his alarm clock tells him he's already running late and he really doesn't have time to stay behind and argue with Jared.

"Okay. I'll try not to wake you up anyway," he says, and has to squeeze past Jared to get out of his bedroom.

+

There's a faint light and the tinny sounds of voices from the TV coming from the living-room by the time Jensen gets home. It's late, almost four, and Jensen frowns, puzzled.

Unless they're going out or having friends over, Jared and he are usually in bed pretty early. Working fifteen to sixteen hour days, despite all the breaks where they have to wait around for things to be set up, is taxing, and it hadn't taken them more than a few weeks to learn to get as much sleep as possible.

Jensen toes off his boots and sneaks into the living room as silently as he can. 

He's not surprised to find Jared fast asleep, sprawled out on the couch. There's an empty bottle of wine on the coffee table and Jensen frowns when he spies a second one, still half full, on the floor next to the couch.

He considers waking Jared up, but whatever funk Jared had been in earlier might best be cured by just letting him sleep uninterruptedly. Hyper and happy as Jared is most days, Jensen's used to him getting a little moody when he hasn't been sleeping enough, and he thinks maybe that's what was up with Jared earlier that day.

He fetches a blanket from the end of the couch and drapes it over Jared before switching the TV off.

"Night, Jay," he murmurs, brushing a strand of hair out of Jared's face.

In his bedroom, Jensen drops down on his bed and sighs. He should probably take a shower, because he reeks of cigarette smoke and sex, and his skin feels itchy.

After a quick dinner with Derrick they'd gone back to his place and headed straight for the bedroom. It's how most of their nights had happened back when they were seeing each other regularly – they'd both known this thing between them was about sex, but grabbing a bite to eat or a beer together before going back to one of their places had made the whole thing seem less cheap. Today, it hadn't done anything to make Jensen feel like he wasn't just meeting the guy for a quick fuck. It hadn't felt satisfying the way Jensen remembers it used to be. Good as the actual sex had been, leaving Derrick's apartment had felt akin to how Jensen had felt when he'd sneaked out of his momma's kitchen after stealing a cookie when he was a kid. He'd gotten what he'd wanted, but he still felt like he'd done something wrong.

+

Jared's mood hasn't improved much the next day. 

But when Jensen asks him what's wrong, he just gets brushed off. Jared takes the dogs out for a couple of hours and when he returns, he holes himself up in his room and only comes out to eat.

Jensen's known Jared long enough to know his coping mechanisms. Whenever something is wrong, Jared usually seeks comfort in other people, talks about things until they're no longer weighing him down. He's never tried to push Jensen away like that. Even after their one-night stand, it had been Jensen who had tried to put some distance between them, not Jared. Jared drawing back from him now is so unlike Jared that Jensen can't help but feel worried. 

"What're you doing up there?" Jensen asks, trying to sound friendly as he watches Jared make a sandwich. He has a pot of pasta simmering on the stove, but Jared hasn't even tried to talk Jensen into sharing his food with him the way he usually does.

"Reading," Jared mumbles.

"Wanna run some lines later?" Jensen tries.

Jared purses his lips, then shakes his head. "I think I'm just going to bed early tonight."

"Okay," Jensen says slowly, looking closely at Jared. "You're not coming down with something, are you? I can make you some tea or something."

Jared gives him a small smile. "I'm not sick," he says, and he almost sounds regretful.

Jensen watches in puzzlement as Jared picks up his plate with the sandwiches and a bottle of water and leaves the kitchen.

+

The slam of the door of Jared's trailer is loud, echoing through the rows of trailers on set. Jared's trailer actually rattles, and Jensen almost expects something to fall off from the force, kinda like in a cartoon.

"Uh," Misha says. "What was that?"

"I don't know," Jensen answers honestly. "He's been, uh, a little touchy."

Misha makes a disbelieving noise. "I asked if you two had a nice weekend."

"Yeah, well, you might have missed the memo that Jared wasn't having the best weekend," Jensen says with a small shrug.

"Did something happen?" Misha asks. 

Jensen shrugs. "He's just been pissy all weekend."

"Jared? Really? The guy is happier than I've ever seen anyone being without taking some seriously good drugs," Misha says. 

Jensen snorts. "Yeah. He'll probably be back to his usual self before we know it. I really have no idea what crawled up his ass," he says. 

Misha gives him a speculating look. "I thought you two were joined at the hip or something," he says. "I'm kinda surprised you don't know what's up with him."

"We do lead separate lives, you know," Jensen points out.

Misha chuckles. "That's not what I heard, Jensen," he says, but Jensen chooses not to dig deeper. The jokes about him and Jared still haven't died down completely. Jensen thinks it would be easier to laugh about them if he wasn't actually interested in Jared for real, but as it is it's starting to grate on his nerves.

He chats with Misha a little while longer before making excuses to go check on Jared. He knocks on Jared's trailer door, but he's met with silence. He almost expects the door to be locked when he tries it, but it swings open.

Jared is curled up on the couch with both Harley and Sadie, one hand thrown over his eyes. He doesn't so much as stir when Jensen enters.

"You were being a dick out there," Jensen says.

Jared doesn't answer.

"Talk to me, Jay," Jensen prods. "What's going on with you? Did something happen that I don't know about?"

Jared sighs but finally moves his arm away, blinking up at Jensen. He looks tired and unhappy, face drawn tight.

"Nothing happened," he mumbles.

"How come I don't believe you?"

Jared shrugs. 

"Come on, this isn't like you. You can't tell me nothing's up with you. I'm not stupid," Jensen says, moving closer to the couch. 

"I don't wanna talk about it," Jared says.

Jensen huffs out a breath. "Tough luck," he replies. "You've been pissy all weekend, and now you're being an ass for no apparent reason. I don't care if you're that way with me, but we never bring shit like that to work with us."

"I'll apologize to Misha."

"That's not what this is about. You're friends with the guy, you know he won't care. He'll write it off as you having a bad day – everyone will," Jensen says, running a hand through his hair. He feels frustrated by Jared's lack of reaction and he's tempted to reach over and shake Jared. "I wanna know what's going on with you, though."

"I--," Jared starts, and he looks a little like a fish out of water, mouth gaping. "I don't know. I'm—not doing too good right now, is all."

"Do you feel sick?" Jensen asks, puzzled.

Jared snorts. "No. Just—a little down, I guess. I think I'm just having a harder time adjusting to things right now. I'm tired and exhausted and there's—all these little things that are adding up and I'm not dealing with them too well."

"That's not like you."

"I know," Jared replies with a grimace.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" Jensen asks.

Jared is quiet for a moment, and then he gives Jensen a small smile. "Think I could use a hug," he admits.

Jensen laughs softly, feeling some of the tension drain his body. "I can do that," he says, and goes to hug Jared.

Jared holds on a little tighter than necessary, drawing in a deep, unsteady breath and it doesn't do much to make Jensen feel less worried.

+

When they get home that night, Jared is quiet. He sits down on the couch after getting a bottle of water from the fridge and switches on the TV. His eyes are half-closed but Jensen can tell Jared's not even close to falling asleep yet.

"Wanna watch a movie before going to bed? Or maybe play Xbox?" he suggests, keeping his voice low. "I think I can use something to unwind tonight."

"Hmm, yeah," Jared says.

Jensen's cell beeps, and he pulls it out. There's a new text message from Derrick, and Jensen's finger hovers over the button before placing the cell on the coffee table, ignoring it.

"Who was that?" Jared asks, face angled more towards Jensen now.

"No one," Jensen replies with a shrug.

"Derrick?" Jared guesses, his voice almost too quiet to be heard over the sound of the TV.

"Yeah."

"You're not gonna read it?"

Jensen shrugs. "I don't really feel like it," he answers honestly.

"Oh," Jared says. "So you and he aren't..."

"It's nothing serious, if that's what you're asking," Jensen says. "Things were never serious between us. I don't think either of us was ever interested in something more than hooking up. It was just—convenient."

"But you said you were ready for something more serious," Jared says, taking a sip of his water. He draws his legs up onto the couch, cheek against the upholstery, and looks at Jensen.

"Yeah. I am. But I don't want it to be just anyone," Jensen says. "Derrick isn't someone I can see myself in a relationship with. And that's the whole point, right? I want something real, with someone I actually have feelings for."

"Then why are you seeing him at all?" 

"I'm not _seeing_ him," Jensen points out, kicking his legs up onto the coffee table. "We hooked up on Friday, but we didn't make any plans to see each other again. Jesus, I'm not dating him or anything."

"He just texted you, though."

Jensen shrugs. "And I'm obviously not too interested in even finding out why," he replies, peering down at Jared. He looks a little better than earlier on set, but not much. There's something disconcerting about seeing Jared like this, sad and worn out.

"Did it bother you?" he asks into the silence that hangs between them, and he watches the way Jared tenses.

"Did what bother me?"

"Derrick. That I went out with him."

Jared sits up with a sigh, planting his feet on the floor, and rests his elbows on his knees, clasped hands hanging loosely between them. "Do we really have to have this conversation?" he asks.

"I'm actually not really sure what conversation we're having," Jensen admits. "You said earlier that there are a lot of things piling up right now that you're having a hard time dealing with. And yeah, it doesn't take a scientist to figure out that me going on a date with Derrick was one of those things, but—that could mean a lot of things, Jay."

Jared snorts. "I can't think of too many," he says.

"Jared."

"What do you want me to say?" Jared asks, looking at him. "You want me to tell you how you going out with some random guy completely threw me? Because last year, after we hooked up, I thought you were shooting me down because you weren't ready for a serious relationship. And I was okay with that, really – you're my best friend and I wouldn't want to change that for anything in the world. But when you moved in here and I found that stupid list and you said you thought you were ready for more than a casual relationship, I thought...well, I thought maybe you meant with _me_. I mean, things were going so well between us and I felt like maybe that's where we were heading."

"I didn't know," Jensen says, and there's a lump in his throat. Jared's all he's been thinking about for months, and all this time, Jared was right there with him. 

Jared huffs out a laugh, but it's bitter. "I know that now," he says. "But you wanted to know what's going on with me, and there it is. I'm in love with you and I was stupidly getting my hopes up. And I'm doing a really shitty job of handling it right now."

"Me, too," Jensen replies, because he's not sure what else to say.

"You too what?" Jared asks, fixing him with a look.

"I'm doing a really shitty job handling my feelings for you too," Jensen says. He chuckles humorlessly. "I've been trying to forget about it, but it's pretty impossible when you're right there all the time. You have any idea how hard it is to get over you when you're always there and so---so _you_?"

Jared blinks at him, surprise written all over his face and it makes Jensen smile to see Jared like that. There aren't many things that can make Jared speechless.

"Well," he says, a little nervous. "Isn't this the part where we're supposed to kiss?"

"I. Yeah," Jared stutters, head nodding up and down. "Yeah, I think we should. Kiss."

There's a horrible, awkward moment of silence where none of them moves. Jared laughs and it sounds skittish. 

"This is so not how I imagined this going," Jared admits.

"How did you imagine this?"

"Well, there were all kinds of different scenarios, to be honest," Jared says, his cheeks flushing a light shade of pink. "One involved aliens invading the planet and me saving your life and you throwing your arms around my neck before kissing me."

Jensen snorts, but he's never been so damn in love with Jared as he is right then, with Jared looking embarrassed but happy, talking about _aliens_ of all things when they both just admitted their feelings for each other.

He leans in, cups Jared's face in his hands, and kisses him. Jared's lips are soft, pliant under his and Jensen shifts to move in closer, kiss Jared just a little bit deeper. It's nothing like that night they hooked up, when everything had felt sloppy and a little rushed and clouded by alcohol and painkillers. This, Jensen thinks, is what all first kisses should be like. 

When he pulls back, Jared chases his lips, drawing Jensen back into a series of small, needy kisses.

"Sorry there were no aliens," Jensen says when they break apart. Jared smiles at him brilliantly.

"That's okay," he says. He reaches for Jensen's hand, intertwining their fingers and squeezing them.

Jensen is tempted to kiss him again, push him back into the couch and cover Jared's body with his and make out until they can't breathe. Instead, he clears his throat.

"We should probably talk about this," he says.

Jared looks a little disappointed but nods. "Probably," he agrees. "Are we doing this?"

He waves his hand between them, hair falling into his face, and Jensen bites his lower lip.

"Do you want to?"

Jared gives him a small, almost sad smile. "Jensen. The question was never if I wanted this. I've been wanting this – _you_ – for a long time. Since before we hooked up."

Jensen frowns. "I didn't know. If I'd known you had feelings for me – well, for one this would have happened a lot sooner," he says. "I never wanted to hurt you, Jay. Not with the Derrick thing or how I acted last year after that night."

"I'm not blaming you for anything," Jared quickly says, shaking his head vehemently. "You have nothing to be sorry for. I guess both of us were kinda stupid."

"Yeah," Jensen says, and he smiles. "Well, not anymore."

"So you wanna give this a try? Us?" Jared asks hopefully.

Jensen gives his hand a squeeze. "Yeah," he says. "Yeah, I want that."

+

They part with a kiss goodnight and a shared smile that night, but Jensen lies awake for hours, replaying what had happened over and over in his head. He wonders if Jared is still awake too, thinking about them, or if he's already fast asleep. And then he pictures Jared actually lying in bed, asleep – the way he always curls one arm under his cheek, legs splayed and taking up too much space, the tiniest snores escaping him. Jensen's walked in on Jared napping in his trailer enough times over the years for the image to be seared into his brain forever, but now Jensen thinks about what it'll be like to share a bed with Jared. Wonders if the snores will annoy him, if Jared will be all over him in his sleep, limbs tangled together, or if Jared is the kind of person who likes to keep his distance when he shares a bed with someone. It's what Jensen usually prefers, but then again, Jensen hasn't shared his bed with many people he'd say he felt more than a fleeting attraction for. He doubts he'll want to stay away from Jared if he doesn't have to.

It's late by the time he finally starts to drift off and it feels like only minutes have passed when he's awoken again by the shrill ringing of his alarm clock.

Jensen groans, stumbling out of bed blearily. It's half past five and the sun hasn't even risen yet. He's tempted to just get back into bed, curl up under the comforter and just go back to sleep. The worst days, Jensen thinks, are always the ones where he has to get up before it's light outside.

He stumbles into the bathroom, blinking rapidly as he switches on the light.

It's not until he's brushing his teeth, slowly becoming more awake, that Jensen remembers the night before. His reflection stares back at him, a silly grin on his face and foam clinging to his lips and suddenly the fact that they had an early wake-up call isn't too bad.

+

Jensen's sitting at the counter with a mug of coffee when Jared stumbles in with the dogs, both his clothes and hair sweaty.

"Morning," Jensen says, a little too cheerfully, and Jared smiles widely at him.

"Hey," he says, running a hand through his hair before taking a hesitant step closer to Jensen. "Mind if I kiss you like this?"

He waves his hand down at his body, and Jensen feels himself flushing hot.

"No," he says quickly, and Jared's smile stretches impossibly wider. He closes the distance between them and Jensen tips his head up when Jared leans down for a kiss. 

It's brief and chaste and Jared tries to pull away all too quickly. Jensen curls one hand into Jared's shirt and tugs him back in. He feels Jared's hands coming to rest on his hips, and that one simple touch is oddly thrilling. 

Jared makes an appreciative noise when Jensen opens his lips under his, their tongues brushing tentatively at first before sliding together, hot and wet.

"God," Jared groans when they break the kiss, resting his forehead against Jensen's. His breath is a little heavy and Jensen sighs happily. "And I didn't think you were a morning person."

"I can be if there are kisses," Jensen replies with a smile, and he laughs when Jared slips his arms around him, pulling him up and close, pressing a smacking kiss to Jensen's lips.

"I need to shower and get ready," he says. Jensen lets go of Jared reluctantly.

"Fine. I'll feed the dogs."

"'kay. Save me some coffee too," Jared says, and he brushes their lips together one last time.

Jensen watches him leave, and as his eyes travel down Jared's body this time, the usual guilt has been replaced by giddy excitement.

+

As amazing as the day started out, the rest of the day is a continued reminder that dating your best friend--who happens to be your co-star on a TV show _and_ the guy you're living with--is, above all else, awkward.

On their way to set, Jensen keeps glancing at their driver whenever his arm so much as brushes against Jared, convinced he must be able to tell what has happened between them. Jared gives him reassuring smiles and halfway to set, he leans in close, whispers, "Relax, Jen."

Jensen tries, but he feels like the new development in their relationship must be written all over his face. He can't imagine that people will look at him and not see how stupidly gone he is on Jared. Hell, Jensen thinks he deserves an Oscar for each time he doesn't reach for Jared's hand or pull Jared into a kiss throughout the day, because god knows Jensen wants to.

During lunch, Jared drags Jensen into his trailer.

"What?" Jensen asks.

"Are you freaking out?" Jared asks.

Jensen feels a little puzzled as he shakes his head. "No."

"Are you sure?" Jared asks. "Because you've been standing like, three feet away from me all day. And I'd get it if you were worried about people finding out about us, but man, they're not going to find out just because we are standing next to each other."

Jensen rolls his eyes. "I'm not freaking out, Jared," he says. "I'm just trying to get my job done and you being close to me right now is really making that hard."

"Sorry?" Jared offers, but his expression morphs into an amused, small smile.

Jensen rolls his eyes. "It's not really your fault you're so damn distracting," he says. He moves closer to Jared, sliding his arms around his waist. "Guess it's just something I'm gonna have to get used to."

"Guess so," Jared agrees with a grin. 

Jensen leans up to kiss Jared, but Jared's hands come up before he can, halting him.

"What?" Jensen asks.

"People could see us," Jared says, nodding his head at the tiny window where the curtain isn't drawn close.

"Yeah, if they stand with their face pressed right up against the window," Jensen says. "Which would be really fucking rude anyway and nobody on set has ever done that."

Jared laughs softly. "So you want to risk it?" he asks, waggling his eyebrows. "Am I that irresistible?"

"Jared," Jensen says with a sigh. "Will you just kiss me?"

Jared complies, and one of his hands cups Jensen's cheek, big and warm, thumb stroking over Jensen's cheekbone, and Jensen wouldn't even care if a whole group of reporters came bustling into the trailer right then.

When they're called back onto set, both of them hastily straighten their clothes and Jared tries to pat down his hair.

"Okay," Jensen admits. "Maybe that was a stupid idea."

"Maybe?" Jared asks, reaching out to straighten the collar of Jensen's jacket.

"You didn't put up that much protest either," Jensen shoots back. "Just—maybe we'll limit making out to when we're at home."

"Good idea," Jared says with a grin. "Come on, move before someone comes to rip our heads off because we're holding up production."

+

The rest of the week passes much the same. Days on set are hectic and long, and when they're on break they don't dare to do much more than share a few chaste kisses, and by the time they get home they're usually too exhausted for anything more.

It's a little disappointing how little time they can find for each other despite living together. 

On Thursday night, Jensen suggests watching a movie when they get home from set and, for once, it's not well into the night, but he ends up falling asleep not thirty minutes into it and wakes with a crick in his neck and Jared snoring into his ear.

"It'll be the weekend soon," Jared says after Jensen shakes him awake so they can both head to bed.

"One more day," Jensen agrees.

"Yeah," Jared says. "And then we'll get the whole two days to ourselves."

"Can't wait," Jensen murmurs and he kisses Jared goodnight in front of his room. He wants to ask Jared in, to stay the night with him, but he knows it's probably too soon. They haven't talked about this, but Jensen is pretty sure there's some silent agreement between them to take things slow. And the first time they share a bed – whether something happens or not – Jensen doesn't want it to be on a night where they're so tired they'll fall asleep the second their heads hit the pillow and have to get up at the crack of dawn a few hours later.

+

"Is it too late to order pizza?" Jared asks, coming back into the kitchen after letting the dogs into the backyard.

Jensen looks up from where he's rummaging around the fridge for beer. His stomach rumbles as if on cue, and Jared grins.

"Guess not," he says.

"Yeah, I could go for some food," Jensen says. He straightens, pushing his shoulders back until they pop and groans. 

"Ouch," Jared mutters, wincing, as he reaches for the phone.

Jensen snorts. "I think I'm getting too old for stunts," he says. He pops open both bottles of beer and brings one over to Jared. Instead of taking the bottle from Jensen, Jared slings the arm that isn't holding the phone to his ear around Jensen's waist and pulls him close, pressing a kiss against Jensen's forehead.

"Pepperoni and cheese okay?" he asks before pulling back a little. "Hi. I'd like to order a pizza."

"Mushrooms," Jensen whispers. Jared nods his head, his arm remaining firmly around Jensen, so Jensen rests his head on his shoulder and listens to the rumble of Jared's voice as he rattles off their order and address.

"I gotta get the dogs back inside," Jared says after he hangs up. "Pizza should be here in thirty."

"Great," Jensen says, finally handing Jared his beer. 

Jared takes a long gulp from the bottle before setting it down on the counter. "Wanna give watching a movie another try?" he suggests.

"Yeah, sure. I'm not nearly as exhausted as I was last night," Jensen admits, and Jared nods in agreement.

"You go ahead and pick a movie while I try to get the dogs inside. Unless they managed to escape," Jared says with a groan. "Harley's been digging this giant hole near the fence."

"Again?" Jensen asks with amusement. "We'll just shovel it up tomorrow. Maybe we should plant some things near the fence, where they could get out."

"Good idea," Jared says. "Just—next weekend. I don't want to spend the next two days digging holes with you."

Jensen grins. "Yeah, I can think of better things to do."

Jared laughs and swats Jensen's ass as he passes him on the way out of the kitchen. "Meet you in the living room," he calls out. "Choose something good."

Jensen smiles to himself, taking both of their bottles into the living room. The patio door is wide open, Jared standing outside and whistling. Jensen laughs softly when neither Harley nor Sadie seem to be impressed, because Jared tries calling their names next before jogging out into the backyard with a sigh.

He comes back in few minutes later, shooing both dogs inside, his hand firmly on Harley's side.

"They're never that disobedient with me," Jensen teases.

Jared looks at him with a grin, snorting. "Okay, a) bullshit," he says, closing the door. "And b) you give them treats and pet them while I do all the not fun stuff like taking them to the vet and giving them baths. Of course they come when you call their names, asshole."

"Keep telling yourself that," Jensen says before holding up a DVD. " _Once Upon a Time in the West_ okay with you?"

"Dude, Henry Fonda and Charles Bronson. Yes," Jared says happily. He comes around the couch and sits down next to Jensen. "We can make out during the boring parts."

"There are no boring parts in that movie," Jensen argues.

"Nothing happens the first twenty minutes until that damn train finally comes in," Jared replies. "You just have a giant hard-on for cowboys so you don't notice."

"I do not have a giant hard-on for cowboys. Would have stayed in Texas if I did."

"Yeah?" Jared says. "I bet it would turn you on if I talked with a really heavy accent and got my cowboy hat out."

"Jared," Jensen complains, but he can feel himself flushing because Jared isn't that far off. Jensen doesn't think he'd care much for a guy dressed like cowboy, except for his inner child probably thinking it would be cool, but the mental image of Jared dressed up like that makes heat pool low in his belly.

Jared laughs. "Sorry. No teasing," he promises. He leans in, lowering his voice. "I totally do have a cowboy hat at home in L.A. though, and chaps too."

"Bullshit," Jensen calls.

"I'm a Texan!"

"So? You do not own a pair of chaps," Jensen says. "Boots, definitely, because I've seen them. And a hat maybe, because you're a giant dork. But you do not have chaps."

Jared grins dirtily. "Oh, baby, you have no idea. Chaps and spurs and a holster," he says, and then laughs. "I dressed up as a cowboy a few years ago for this stupid Halloween party I had to go too."

"Really?" Jensen asks.

Jared nods. "Cross my heart," he says, and then winks. "I'll show you next time we're in Los Angeles."

Jensen snorts. "You bet your ass, you will," he says. "Fuck, I bet you look hot dressed up like a cowboy."

"Down boy," Jared teases, but he looks smug. 

Jensen thinks that maybe they're not going to take things _that_ slow after all.

+

They spend the whole weekend holed up in the house, only going out to take the dogs for a walk or a run. 

On Saturday night, Jensen sleeps in Jared's bedroom. They fall asleep with their legs tangled and Jared's hand on Jensen's waist, as they trade slow, tired kisses.

In the morning, Jensen is woken up by Jared sliding his hand down his boxer-briefs. He jerks Jensen off with slow, drawn-out strokes, his own erection pressing insistently against Jensen's hip. It feels amazing, and Jensen curls his fingers into Jared's upper arm, feeling the muscles flex with each stroke.

"Fuck, Jay," he gasps, just before Jared covers his lips with his own. Jensen kisses him back desperately, hips arching off the mattress to match Jared's rhythm.

It doesn't take long before he comes, white hot light exploding behind his eyes, and his moans swallowed by Jared's kisses. 

He comes down to Jared making small, whimpering noises, lips pressed to Jensen's cheek as he rubs his hips against Jensen's until Jensen feels the wetness of Jared's orgasm spreading against his skin.

"Good fucking morning," he murmurs, and Jared laughs breathlessly, tilting his head until their lips meet in a sloppy kiss.

+

"Muffins," Jared says as he puts a plate of muffins down onto the small table.

Jensen stops switching channels and smiles. "I can see that," he says. His feet are curled up under his legs, socked toes digging into the couch's cushions. 

"Thought you might be hungry," Jared says. "It might be a while before they're set up for the next scene. Something with the camera isn't working, I think."

"So we have some time?" Jensen asks. He leans forward, snagging one of the muffins and his mug of not-quite-hot coffee. When he sits back, Jared's arm is resting on the back of the couch so Jensen is curled up in the crook of his arm.

"Hmm, yeah," Jared says. Jensen can feel his eyes on him as he takes a bite of the muffin before offering it to Jared. Jared takes it from him and Jensen sips his coffee before resting the mug on his thigh. He leans into Jared, pillowing his head on Jared's shoulder.

"News okay with you?" he asks, waving at the TV with the remote still clutched in his hand.

"'s fine," Jared says. His voice is muffled by the food in his mouth.

Jensen's eyes are fixed on the TV while he sips his coffee, but he's really focused on the way Jared's arm has slipped lower, curled around his shoulders, his thumb rubbing small circles against Jensen's skin through the layers of clothes Jensen is wearing.

On TV, the weather forecast is on, and Jensen snuggles up against Jared. "Maybe we can go hiking with the dogs this weekend if the weather holds," he suggests. He turns his head to place a kiss against Jared's jaw. 

It's only Monday, only half a day into the new week, but he already longs for the next weekend. As much as he loves being on set, being Dean Winchester, he wants nothing more than to be home. To shed Dean and forget his job, just focus on Jared and him right now.

"Yeah, sounds good," Jared agrees. Jensen feels his lips brush against his temple and he tilts his head to catch Jared's lips in a brief kiss, before resting his head back on Jared's shoulder. Jared rests his own cheek against the top of Jensen's head and Jensen slowly drifts off to the steady murmur of the news on TV and Jared's steady breathing.

+

The first person Jensen tells about Jared is his mom.

Jared is shooting his final scene for the day, while Jensen is already finished. Instead of going home, he's hanging out in Jared's trailer, waiting for him to be done to drive home together.

He tries calling Mackenzie first, because he hasn't talked to her in a while, but when she doesn't pick up he dials his parents' home phone number instead. He doesn't call her with the intention of telling her about Jared – it's been less than two weeks and things still feel new, fragile. But then, after updating Jensen about various family members Jensen isn't even sure he knows, his mother asks how Jared is doing and Jensen falters.

"Fine," he finally says. "He's fine."

"Is everything okay?" Donna asks worriedly. 

"Things are good, momma," Jensen says, rubbing his hand over his face. "But there's something I gotta tell you."

"Oh. Bad news or good news?"

Jensen chuckles. "Good, I hope. I mean, you like Jared, right?"

"Of course I like Jared," Donna says with a huff. "You know we adore that boy. He's family."

"He is," Jensen agrees and a smile tugs at his lips. "We, uh, we're dating."

There's a moment of silence on the other end. "Please tell me I didn't just hallucinate," Donna finally says and she sounds so genuinely delighted that Jensen feels a lump in his throat.

"No, momma, you heard me right. Jared and I are seeing each other."

"Oh, Jensen. That's wonderful news," Donna says. "I was starting to worry you might never bring a boy home."

Jensen grins. His fingers play with a loose string on one of the pillows on Jared's couch, tugging at it. "Guess the right guy just needed to come along," he admits.

"He came along four years ago," Donna replies smartly. 

"Yeah, well, good thing _Supernatural_ kept being renewed," Jensen jokes, and Donna laughs.

"Yeah, good thing," she agrees. "So when are you bringing him home?"

"Really? I already brought him home plenty of times," Jensen says with a grimace, imagining his parents putting Jared through the wringer the way they've done it with everyone their children have ever brought home.

"Doesn't mean I'm not gonna ask him what his intentions towards my son are," Donna replies before laughing softly. "Or maybe I just want to hug my future-son-in-law."

"We'll visit soon," Jensen promises. "Hell, if you promise him pie, Jared will probably be on the next plane to Dallas."

"I always make pie when that boy comes to visit," Donna replies, and Jensen smiles, knowing it's true.

He settles down further into the couch, swinging his legs up, and let's his mother pester him with questions about Jared and him, until he hears his dad's voice in the background asking her who she's talking to. He smiles at the excitement in his mother's voice when she tells his dad about Jensen and Jared. She sounds as if someone just told her she won the lottery and Jensen almost regrets that he's never brought home a boyfriend to meet his parents, knowing his mother has been worrying about him not settling down. But the mere thought of bringing anyone but Jared home, being with anyone other than Jared, seems wrong.

+

Jensen wakes up alone in Jared's bed.

He yawns and stretches, before glancing at the alarm clock. It's almost noon, and Jensen flips onto his stomach with a content sigh, feeling well-rested for the first time in weeks. He remains in bed for a few more minutes, feels the rays of sunshine coming in through the window warm on his skin. The pillow under his cheek smells like Jared's shampoo, sweet and fruity, and he smiles to himself.

When he finally slides out of bed, he sees the room has been cleaned. There are no more stray clothes lying around on the floor, and there's a neat pile of scripts lying on the heavy oak dresser.

Jensen showers and steals a pair of underwear and a sweatshirt from Jared, putting it on along with the pair of jeans he was wearing yesterday that now lies neatly folded over the back of the bed.

He pads downstairs and finds that their dirty dishes from the last few days have been cleaned and the fridge is stocked with food. 

"Jared?" he calls out, while he pours himself a mug of still hot coffee.

"Laundry room," Jared's voice comes back.

Jensen takes his coffee with him as he goes to find Jared. He smiles when he finds Jared stuffing what looks like freshly washed linen into the dryer, the room smelling like the detergent Jared always uses.

"What are you doing?" Jensen asks.

"Laundry?" Jared replies, giving him an amused look as he straightens.

"I mean, the whole house is spotless. You should have left some things for me to do," Jensen says, stepping into the room. He leans up to kiss Jared softly.

"Hmm. I was up early," Jared replies with a shrug. "Thought I might as well make myself useful."

"Boyfriend and cleaning lady in one," Jensen muses. "How did I get so lucky?"

"I've had to see your face almost every day for the past four years. You kinda grew on me," Jared teases, dipping down to kiss Jensen again, humming happily against his lips.

Jensen wraps his arms around Jared carefully, hoping he's not spilling his coffee onto the laundry that's already done and dry, sitting in a basket on the floor.

"Good morning," Jared murmurs when they break the kiss, a soft smile on his face.

"Good morning," Jensen echoes, taking a careful step back. "So, any chores left for me to do?"

Jared shrugs. "You can help me do the rest of the laundry," he says. "And I bought some plants for the fence, like you suggested. Thought we could plant them later today?"

"Sure," Jensen says, grinning. "You got a shovel somewhere for that?"

"Bought one," Jared says. "Two even, one for each of us."

"How about I do the shoveling and you do the planting?" Jensen suggests with a snort. "I saw you assemble a bed and I really don't want a repeat of that. If you can almost kill yourself with a screwdriver, I don't wanna find out what you can do to yourself with a shovel."

"Hey, I've handled plenty of shovels in my life," Jared says, then amends, "On set."

"Where we never had to do any real digging, doofus," Jensen says, and Jared just rolls his eyes in reply. Jensen finishes his coffee, putting the empty mug onto the washing machine and claps his hands. "Okay, want me to sort these?"

He points at the basket overflowing with dirty laundry.

Jared nods and turns to fiddle with the dryer.

They've done laundry together before, but there's something weirdly intimate about it now. Jensen goes through their clothes, sorting them into two piles of black and colored laundry, and feels warm and happy. The feeling morphs into amusement when Jared starts catcalling and whistling every time Jensen bends down to retrieve the next item of clothes.

"You're insufferable," Jensen complains when Jared slaps him on the ass hard enough to sting.

"You like it," Jared replies with a wicked grin. "And I'll kiss it better later."

Jensen hands Jared a t-shirt. "Fine. I can live with that," he says with a fake sigh.

Jared grins at him and leans in to steal a kiss. "By the way," he murmurs. "I like seeing you in my sweatshirt."

"Yeah?" Jensen asks, grinning at Jared. "I'm wearing a pair of your boxer-briefs too."

Jared falters picking up the basket with laundered clothes, looking at Jensen. His eyes settle on Jensen's hips, as if he can see Jensen's underwear through his jeans. "Really?" he asks.

"Really," Jensen replies, feeling heat pooling in his stomach at Jared's stare.

"Damn, Jensen," Jared says, eyes lifting to meet Jensen's. "Screw the damn plants. I'm taking you upstairs once we're done with the laundry."

Jensen can't do much more than nod in agreement.

+

Jared's cock nudges against his hole, just a hint of pressure. Jensen tries to push back, but Jared's hands are on his hips, holding him firmly in place.

"Jared," Jensen grunts.

"Shh," Jared murmurs, and Jensen feels the hot weight of Jared's body pressing against his spine, wet lips kissing his shoulder.

Jensen feels strung-out, his dick hard and dripping precome and his skin damp with sweat.

Unlike the first time they'd had sex, Jared had taken his time opening Jensen up with slick, gentle fingers while trailing kisses all over Jensen's body.

"Come on, please," Jensen pleads, glancing over his shoulder. He feels exposed like this, on his hands and knees with his ass in the air, but it also excites him, makes him all the more desperate to have Jared inside him. 

Jared kisses his neck, hums against his skin, and presses forward. The head of his cock breaches Jensen and Jensen gasps loudly.

"Fuck, Jensen," Jared murmurs, his grip on Jensen's hips tightening. "You okay?"

Jensen nods and Jared slides in further, inch by inch. Jensen had forgotten how big Jared is, how filled and stretched he feels with Jared inside him to the point of it almost being too much. Jensen bites down onto his bottom-lip, a broken moan escaping him, and drops his forehead onto his pillow.

Jared sets a slow rhythm, thrusting in with long, languid strokes. Jensen pushes back into it as best as he can. Jared keeps up a steady, insistent pressure against Jensen's prostate, sending waves of pleasure through him.

"Jensen," Jared groans, and it sounds broken, wrecked. He reaches around Jensen, his hand curling around Jensen's cock, and starts stroking him. 

"Oh shit," Jensen gasps. "'m not gonna last."

"Yeah. Let go, Jen," Jared murmurs breathlessly. "Come for me."

He jerks Jensen a little harder and fucks him with short, quick thrusts angled directly at Jensen's prostate. Jensen is sure his moans can be heard all the way down the block; it feels amazing, pure hot pleasure. He feels Jared's body pressing against his, feels the sharp sting of Jared's teeth sinking into his neck and comes with a shout.

They roll over, away from the wet spot, and Jared pulls him into his arms. 

"Fuck," he murmurs, and Jensen can't do much more than tighten his arm around Jared's waist in agreement.

+

They nap, bodies spooned together, and Jensen wakes up a couple of hours later to the feeling of Jared kissing his neck softly, his hand moving in small circles over Jensen's stomach.

Jensen shifts, pressing back against Jared and yawns.

"We should get up soon," Jared murmurs, moving his hand to stroke it up Jensen's arm.

Jensen makes a disgruntled noise, and resolutely doesn't move.

"Harley and Sadie are probably gonna tear the house apart if we ignore them all day," Jared continues.

Jensen snorts. "They're probably napping."

Jared chuckles, and nuzzles Jensen's jaw. He kisses Jensen's throat softly. "Well," he says, "we really need a shower."

Jensen sighs and shifts onto his back, trapping Jared's arm under his head. 

"Yeah, not gonna argue with that," he agrees and makes a face at the feeling of sticky lube between his legs and his skin itchy with dried sweat and come. "We could take a shower and get back into bed. We can do the backyard tomorrow, right?"

Jared kisses his temple. "How about—we take a shower, make some food because I'm _starving_ ," he say, rubbing his own belly, "then we take the dogs for a long walk. After that I could be persuaded to get back in bed."

"Could be persuaded," Jensen echoes. "You know how to make me feel wanted."

Jared laughs. "Oh, you're wanted," he promises, and kisses Jensen. Jensen wraps his arms around Jared's neck, and thinks maybe he can convince him to stay in bed just a little bit longer.

+

"Motherfucking--" Jared yelps, dropping the shovel and sucking his finger into his mouth.

"What now?" Jensen asks, looking at Jared in amusement. He drops his own shovel and curls his hand around Jared's wrist, tugging.

"Splinter," Jared mumbles around his finger, before releasing it with a small, wet pop. 

"Where'd you get a splinter from?" Jensen asks exasperatedly. He peers down at Jared's finger and spies the tiny piece of wood embedded in Jared's skin.

"The handle," Jared says, kicking the shovel.

"Come on," Jensen says, and he presses a quick kiss to the side of Jared's chin. "Let's go inside and I'll get this sucker out."

He keeps his hand around Jared's wrist, holding it loosely as he tugs Jared into the house and leads him into his bathroom. He quickly washes his hands and Jared slides his hands under the faucet with his, washing them with a grimace.

"Sit," Jensen says, patting the counter once he's toweled his hands dry. Jared hops onto it, while Jensen grabs the tweezers and a band-aid.

"Hand," he says, holding his own hand out. Jared places his palm into Jensen's and Jensen rearranges it until he can see the splinter. Jared hisses when he pulls it out.

"Big baby," Jensen murmurs. He wraps the band-aid around the finger and lifts Jared's hand, placing a kiss against his palm.

"I had a piece of wood stuck in my finger," Jared cries out. "It _hurt_."

Jensen quirks an eyebrow. "Sure did," he says. "How about I finish up in the backyard and you make us lunch instead?"

"I'm not sure I can cook with this," Jared says dramatically, wiggling his finger.

Jensen frowns down at it. "Hmm, yeah, it's a pretty bad injury. Maybe I should drive you to the hospital."

"Maybe," Jared agrees, hopping off the counter.

"You're ridiculous," Jensen says fondly, and Jared smiles brightly, giving him a quick peck.

"You wouldn't want me any other way," he says, and Jensen doesn't argue with that. He turns the light in the bathroom off as they leave the room and swats Jared's ass playfully.

"Go make food," he says.

Jared grins at him over his shoulder. "Yes, sir," he says. "Sandwiches okay?"

"Yeah. None of that disgusting mustard you bought though."

"Hmm, mustard," Jared says. "Wanna eat outside on the patio?"

"It's kinda chilly already, isn't it?" Jensen asks.

Jared wiggles his eyebrows. "I'll keep you warm," he says and Jensen makes a face at the lame innuendo. "Fine, I'll bring you a blanket."

"Yeah, okay," Jensen agrees. He gives Jared another quick kiss before going back outside. He quickly scans the backyard for the dogs, finding Sadie lying on a sunny patch of grass while Harley is sniffs at the new plants lining the fence.

"It's for your own good," Jensen tells him. "Or your daddy's, because the poor guy nearly has a heart attack every time you escape."

Harley gives him an unimpressed look before pawing at the ground.

"Yeah, exactly," Jensen says with a laugh. He picks his shovel back up and sinks it into the small hole he's already made.

It doesn't take long to finish up, and Jensen wipes his dirty hands on his jeans while looking at the neat row of plants lining the fence where Harley likes to try to escape.

"Guess you gotta stay here with us from now on," Jensen says to Harley, bending down to pat him. 

When he straightens and turns to the house, he finds Jared standing on the porch, watching him. He's smiling, hip cocked against the back of a chair and a bottle of beer in his hand.

"Done?" he calls out.

Jensen nods and jogs over.

"Lunch is ready too," Jared says, waving his free hand at the table where sandwiches are piled high on a plate next to a bowl of salad.

"Looks good," Jensen says, kissing Jared before stealing his bottle of beer. He takes a quick sip before handing it back to Jared. "I'll just go wash up quickly."

"'kay," Jared says with a smile that makes Jensen kiss him again.

He glances back as he goes into the house. Jared's bent over, petting Harley and talking to him in a low murmur, and it hits Jensen how settled they already are. They've been together for two weeks, but they're so domestic they put most married couples to shame. When Jensen had imagined having a serious relationship with someone, he thought they'd take things slow, go on dates and get to know each other, fall in love bit by bit.

Jared and he already know each other better than anyone else, and Jensen already loves Jared more than anyone else. It seems they skipped all the things that come with a new relationship and went right to settling down with each other, easy and comfortable. 

It just feels right. Being with Jared is everything Jensen never knew he was missing in his life.

+

"I was thinking," Jensen starts a week later, putting his script down in his lap. He pushes his toes under Jared's thigh and wiggles them around.

"Hmm?" Jared looks up from his own script. "What?"

Jensen rests his cheek against the back of the couch. "Danneel offered to beard for me a few months ago, if I ever needed it," he says. "I think maybe I should take her up on the offer."

Jared raises his eyebrows in surprise, but doesn't say anything.

"I'm not saying I will. I just—it's something we should talk about, right?"

Jared nods. "No, you're right. It's probably a good idea," he says. "And it's Danneel."

"Would it be a problem if it wasn't Danneel?" Jensen asks.

Jared shrugs. "I don't know. I never thought I was the jealous type, but then David happened and I pretty much threw a fit."

"Derrick," Jensen corrects.

Jared makes a face. "Yeah, whatever," he mutters.

Jensen laughs and wiggles his toes again, poking them into Jared's leg. 

"Stop it," Jared says, wrapping his hand around the heel of one of Jensen's feet.

"I can't believe you're _still_ jealous," Jensen says with a laugh.

Jared rolls his eyes but gives Jensen's foot a reassuring squeeze, lips twitching into a smile.

"So you really think I should do it? The bearding thing?"

"One of us probably should, at least," Jared says. 

"Yeah. And it's Danneel – I hang out with her anyway, so that wouldn't change much. I'll drop her name occasionally, or mention a girlfriend. It's not like I'll go around making out with her in public."

"You better not," Jared warns, his tone teasing.

Jensen grins and scoots forward, until his legs are hanging over Jared's lap and he's close enough to kiss Jared. "No making out with anyone other than you. Promise," he murmurs against Jared's lips.

+

Jensen waits until they're on break over Thanksgiving to call Danneel, too caught up in work and Jared to do deal with the whole thing while they're still in Vancouver.

He's in Jared's old room in San Antonio, and Jared's lying on the bed, watching him.

He makes idle chit chat with her first, talking about their friends and listening to Danneel telling him he better get his ass to L.A. more often because they all miss him.

"Actually," he starts. "I might. It depends on you."

"On me?" Danneel asks, sounding surprised.

"Yeah. Remember how a few months ago you said you'd be willing to pretend to me my girlfriend if I needed the cover?" Jensen asks, glancing at Jared. His expression is blank, neither happy nor unhappy, and Jensen thinks it's completely fucked up. He's with Jared, and they're happy, and he's going to have to pretend to be with someone else to keep his career going.

"Sure. The offer still stands," Danneel says.

"Okay. Well, I think I'd like to take you up on it now. Jared and I think it might be a good idea."

"Jared and you, huh?" Danneel asks. "So, how's your hunky boyfriend doing? Being good to you, I hope?"

"Yes," Jensen says, squirming a little even though Jared can't hear what Danneel is saying.

Jared raises an eyebrow.

"I want details," Danneel says.

"Another time," Jensen replies. "So, you'll do it?"

"Sure thing. I told you I didn't mind doing it. It's really not a big deal if people think I'm dating a guy who's not only good-looking but successful too," Danneel teases. "My agent will probably be delighted."

"Okay. Great. We could meet up with our agents next time I'm in L.A. and discuss the details, I guess?" Jensen says. "I just wanted to make sure you'd still be willing to do it."

"That's what friends are for, right?" Danneel asks.

"Yeah, I guess. But it's a lot to ask," Jensen replies, sitting down at the edge of the bed. "You're really awesome for helping me out, Danni."

"Any time, babe. Just let me know when you're in town and we'll meet up, okay?" Danneel asks.

Jensen feels Jared shift and wrap his arms around him, resting his chin on Jensen's shoulder.

"Will do," Jensen says. "Happy Thanksgiving, Danni."

"Happy Thanksgiving. And say hi to Jared," Danneel replies happily.

"Will do," Jensen replies, and he says goodbye to her before hanging up. He leans back against Jared and sighs.

Jared kisses his neck softly. "You okay?" he asks.

"I'm fine," Jensen assures him. "I just hate that we have to do this."

Jared rubs his cheek against Jensen's throat and he can feel the soft prickle of Jared's stubble, making his skin itch. "Yeah. But what can you do? It's not that bad. We've both done it before, and it sucks that we have to lie about stuff like this, but if we have to do it to keep our jobs and get to have this, then so be it."

"It's different. Before, I just showed up at some events with some girl I didn't even know on my arm. I feel bad for asking Danneel to do this."

"She offered," Jared reminds him. "And it makes things easier, doing this with someone you're actually friends with."

"I hope so," Jensen says and turns to kiss Jared's cheek.

"Maybe someday things will be different," Jared murmurs.

Jensen snorts. "Yeah, maybe. But people probably won't remember our names by then, so it won't matter to us."

"Probably," Jared agrees.

+

They're both a bit somber after the phone call, and when they join Jared's family back downstairs in the kitchen Jared stays close to him at first - one hand resting on Jensen's back or his nape while they chat with Jared's parents. Like he can't stand to lose physical contact. Jensen gives him small, reassuring smiles and before long, Jared relaxes and cheers up. 

By the time they all settle down for dinner, Jared seems to have forgotten about Danneel all together. He gives Jensen excited grins that leave Jensen puzzled and cuts him off after his second glass of wine.

"Got plans for later," he murmurs into Jensen's ear, too quiet for anyone else to hear. He kisses Jensen's cheek chastely, and then goes back to shoveling mashed potatoes and gravy into his mouth. Jensen has no idea what Jared's plans entail, but his stomach swoops hotly.

Across the table, Sherri is watching them, a pleased smile on her lips, and Jensen blushes when he meets her gaze.

+

"Where are we going?" Jensen asks, peering out into the dark street. The houses are getting fewer, Jared's parents' house long behind them, and Jensen wonders where Jared is taking him in the middle of the night. He's full from the Thanksgiving dinner, and he'd be fast asleep in a food coma if Jared hadn't dragged him out of the house, insisting Jensen had to go somewhere with him.

"It's a surprise," Jared says, glancing at him and smiling, before focusing on the road again.

"Should I be worried?" Jensen asks.

"Don't you trust me?" Jared counters.

Jensen cocks his head to the side, looking at Jared. "Not always," he says.

Jared laughs. "I'm pretty sure that makes you a bad boyfriend," he says. "Trust is the foundation of any good relationship."

"Not when your boyfriend's hobby is playing pranks," Jensen says. "I trust you enough that I got into the car and don't think you're driving me to some abandoned shack where you'll kill me and hide my body."

"You sure that's a smart idea?" Jared asks. "I mean, I could be doing just that. Maybe I'm only dating you to get to your money."

"That does sound kinda like you," Jensen muses. They seem to have reached the outskirts of the suburbs, and Jared takes a left turn. 

"Are you driving me to some abandoned shack now just to prove a point?" Jensen asks suspiciously.

"No," Jared says with a soft laugh. A couple of minutes later, he parks the car.

"Where are we?" Jensen asks. He gets out of the car with Jared.

Jared smirks at him, barely visible in the darkness of night, and grabs Jensen's hand. He leads him to a fence.

"Jared?" 

"We gotta climb over that," Jared says.

"Why?" Jensen asks, halting. "Seriously, I'm not going to take one more step unless you tell me where we're going. And I'm not going to do something illegal."

"I did this plenty of times when I was younger," Jared assures him.

"Did what exactly, Jared?"

"There's a swimming pool behind the fence," Jared says.

"We're trespassing to go swimming in the middle of the night."

Jared laughs softly, but it sounds loud in the silence around them. "We're trespassing to go skinny dipping."

"Why?" Jensen asks.

Jared leans in and kisses him, before murmuring, "Because it doesn't count when you did it as a kid."

"We're doing this because it's on my bucket list?" Jensen asks, surprised.

"Yeah," Jared replies casually. "Now, up and over that fence."

"Are you sure there's no alarm?"

"I'm sure," Jared says, gently pushing Jensen forward. Jensen sighs, but he jumps, fingers curling around the top of the fence. He heaves himself up, feet finding purchase in the tiny holes of the fence, and swings himself over it.

"Okay?" Jared asks.

"Fine," Jensen says, dusting himself off.

"Good," Jared replies, and he lands next to Jensen with a thud moments later.

The pool is small, a few deckchairs sitting around it. Jared wastes no time stripping off his clothes.

"Come on," Jared says.

Jensen sighs, but starts taking off his clothes too. Jared waits for him to be done before taking a running start and jumping into the pool with a loud splash.

"You're causing a racket," Jensen says as he slips into the water much more quietly. It's cold, but not too bad and he feels a little weird about being naked in a public swimming pool.

Jared chuckles softly. "There's no one around to hear us. Just relax," he says. He swims to the middle of the pool with sure long strokes, arms sliding through the water smoothly.

"Come here," he says, holding out his hands.

Jensen ducks his head under the water, getting his hair wet before joining Jared.

"Is it everything you dreamed it would be?" Jared asks once Jensen is right in front of him, his arms sliding around him while their feet keep treading water.

Jensen laughs. "I don't know," he says. "It was something stupid I put on the list when I was a teenager. It's not like skinny dipping is something I've been dying to do my whole life."

"Hmm, it's nice though, right?" Jared asks. His hands glide lower, settling on Jensen's ass.

"Yeah," Jensen admits. He leans up for a kiss, lips sliding together warmly. Jared starts palming his ass, one of his fingers sliding between Jensen's cheeks.

"I'm not having sex with you in here," Jensen gasps, breaking the kiss.

"Would be fun though," Jared says, trailing kisses down Jensen's throat, his hands hitching Jensen's body a little higher.

"It's a public pool," Jensen argues. "Kids go swimming in here."

Jared sighs against his skin. "Yeah, you're right," he says disappointedly.

Jensen gives him a quick kiss. "Let's swim one more lap while we're here and then we can have sex in the car," he murmurs.

"Hmm, you're a lot dirtier than I ever thought you'd be," Jared replies, but he doesn't sound like he minds at all.

Jensen laughs softly. "Aren't you glad?" he teases.

"Yeah," Jared says, wiping wet hair out of his face. "But I'd be just as happy with you if you weren't. I'd be happy with you no matter what."

+

A couple of days later, back in Vancouver, Jared starts sneezing.

"Bet it was the skinny dipping," Jensen says, watching Jared blow his nose. "Who the hell goes skinny dipping in November?"

"In _Texas_. It wasn't that cold," Jared argues. His voice is a little nasal, his eyes watery and red-rimmed. 

"Yet here you are, sick," Jensen points out, lazily thumbing through his script.

"I'm not sick," Jared argues. "And you suck. I was being an awesome boyfriend; show some appreciation."

Jensen leans over and kisses the corner of Jared's mouth. "I really appreciate what you did," he says dutifully, his tone light. "In fact, I'll show you just how much I appreciated it later tonight."

Jared perks up, smiling. "Blowjob?"

Jensen glares at him. "No," he says. "I'll take care of your sorry ass when the cold really kicks in and you start feeling like shit."

"I won't. I'm fine. I just sneezed once – it's probably dusty in here or something."

"It's not dusty in my trailer. Unlike you, I keep my trailer clean," Jensen replies. 

"My nose would beg to differ."

"Hmm, yeah, if there's a nose that can detect even the tiniest speck of dust, it's probably yours," Jensen teases.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jared asks, sniffing. "Are you calling my nose big?"

"I didn't say that," Jensen replies. He drops the script onto his lap and kisses Jared's nose teasingly. Jared's nose twitches and then he doubles over, sneezing loudly. Jensen laughs and pats his back.

"Don't antagonize me," Jared moans, sneezing again.

"I'm not. I'm empathizing," Jensen assures. He hands Jared a new tissue.

Jared blows his nose before balling the tissue up and dropping it onto the couch next to him. He rubs his eyes and groans. "God," he mutters.

Jensen holds out his arm. "Come here," he says. 

Jared gives him a pitiful look, curling up in Jensen's arm, his head resting on Jensen's shoulder. Jensen wraps his hand around Jared's shoulder and strokes down his side with the other until he feels Jared slowly doze off.

The little nap does nothing to re-energize Jared though, and by the time they're needed back on set Jared looks exhausted, feet dragging.

"He okay?" Misha asks softly, eyeing Jared critically as Shannon tries to fix up his make-up.

"He's coming down with something, I think," Jensen says with a shrug. "He's in denial, though."

Just then, Jared sneezes and Shannon jumps back with a disgusted expression.

"Filming this scene is going to be fun," Jensen says sarcastically.

+

"Maybe I am sick," Jared admits, looking up at Jensen pathetically. He's sitting slumped against the counter, eyes drooping and cheeks a little flushed.

"Maybe, huh?" Jensen repeats. He hands Jared a glass with water and some Tylenol. "Take these."

"I'm not sure I can. My throat hurts." Jared scowls, but he looks tired and it reminds Jensen a little of a five year-old boy. "And my head."

Jensen cards his fingers through Jared's hair, smoothing it back. "Take the pills and you can go to bed. I'll make you some tea."

Jared sighs, but finally pops the pills into his mouth, swallowing them down with the water. He makes a pained face as they go down and Jensen keeps stoking his hair soothingly.

"I'm never going skinny dipping again," Jared moans.

"Or maybe just not in the fall," Jensen suggests softly. He kisses Jared's brow. "Bed now."

"'kay," Jared agrees. He gets up slowly, and Jensen watches him as he shuffles out of the kitchen.

He makes himself a sandwich, scarfing it down while he waits for the water for the tea to boil. 

He stirs some honey into the tea before carrying the mug upstairs, careful not to spill anything. Jared is sprawled out in his bed, looking at Jensen through half-lidded eyes when he comes in.

"Think you can sit up and drink some?" Jensen asks, setting the mug down onto the nightstand.

Jared flips over, struggling to sit up and Jensen sits down on the edge of the bed. 

"Careful. It's still pretty hot," he says as Jared takes the mug.

"Hmm." Jared takes a tentative sip. "Thank you."

"Hey, it's what I'm here for," Jensen says with a smile.

Jared nods. "You ever notice how we always seem to be taking care of each other?" 

Jensen shrugs. "I think it's nice," he admits.

"Me, too," Jared agrees with a smile. 

Jensen stays at the side of the bed, his hand resting on the comforter over Jared's leg, while Jared drinks the tea.

"Think I'm gonna sleep now," Jared mumbles when he's done, and Jensen takes the empty mug from him. 

"Good idea," Jensen agrees, getting up from the bed.

"You gonna come to bed soon?" Jared looks up at him hopefully.

"Sure," Jensen says. "I'm just gonna lock up downstairs and then I'll join you."

Jared smiles. Jensen bends down to kiss him, but only catches Jared's cheek when Jared turns his head away.

"Sick," he reminds Jensen.

By the time Jensen returns, Jared is already fast asleep. Jensen undresses as quietly as possible and slips under the comforter next to Jared, smiling when Jared shifts closer to him right away.

+

"I went to see Lisa today. She gave me a clean bill of health. No more cold from hell," Jared says, slipping his arms around Jensen from behind while Jensen is trying to kick off his right shoe.

"Great," Jensen mumbles, successfully managing to get the shoe off. It lands on the floor with a thud, right next to the other one. 

He turns around in socked feet, wrapping his arms around Jared's neck and kissing his jaw. 

"Means I can no longer infect you," Jared adds, raising his eyebrows as he slides his own arms around Jensen's hips.

"So you'll finally let me kiss you again?" Jensen asks. "I was starting to worry you'd lost interest in me."

"Never," Jared promises. "What do you say to making out?"

Jensen laughs. "I could be swayed," he replies.

Jared dips down, sealing his lips over Jensen's, and starts steering Jensen backwards towards the living-room. Jensen yelps into the kiss when they stumble a little, but Jared's hands on his hips steady him. 

They make it to the couch without breaking the kiss and tumble down onto it together. Jensen lets out a soft 'oof' when most of Jared's weight lands on top of him.

"Sorry," Jared murmurs before his lips find Jensen's again. He kisses him slowly, tongue brushing teasingly against Jensen's lips before slipping in when Jensen parts them. His tongue is hot and wet, sliding together with Jensen's, and Jensen moans softly. 

He's missed this the last few days – the intimacy that Jensen never knew came with kissing until he and Jared got together, and the feeling of Jared's body pressed against his, hands lazily exploring each other while they make out. 

Jared slides one hand under Jensen's shirt, fingers trailing over skin, and Jensen arches up.

He startles when he feels a wet tongue licking over his cheek, jerking away with a yelp. Jared almost falls off the couch at the sudden movement, and Jensen just barely manages to grab him with both hands, steadying him.

Harley is standing next to the couch, tongue lolling out and tail thumping happily.

"Jesus," Jensen breathes and chuckles.

"Harley," Jared whines. "Your daddies want some alone time right now."

"I don't think he understands that," Jensen points out, and Jared huffs.

Jensen pats Jared's thigh, grinning up at him. "Come on. We'll move this to the bedroom."

"Yeah, okay," Jared says, brightening up immediately as he clambers off Jensen. Jensen laughs at how eager Jared is, but follows him quickly. Jared races up the stairs, shrugging out of his t-shirt.

"Jared," Jensen laughs when the shirt hits him. "We're not in a rush, cowboy."

"I'm in a rush," Jared says, reaching the landing. "And you should start getting naked, too."

Jensen sighs, following Jared at a much calmer pace. In the bedroom, Jared's jeans are lying in a pool on the floor and Jared is hopping around on one leg, trying to pull off one of his socks.

Jensen whistles and Jared grins up at him.

"I'm sexy, I know," he says, taking off the second sock. "I was also serious about you getting naked ASAP."

"What is this? Some kind of race?" Jensen asks but unbuckles his belt.

"If that will get you into bed sooner, yes," Jared replies. Tugging down his boxer-briefs, he steps out of them. He stands in front of Jensen completely naked, with a grin on his face and his hair disheveled. He's so stupidly gorgeous it makes Jensen's heart ache a little.

"What?" Jared asks, cocking his head to the side.

Jensen shakes his head and pushes down his jeans. "Nothing," he says, smiling.

Jared gives him a knowing look. He climbs onto the bed and watches Jensen undress the rest of the way. Jensen flushes a little, feeling exposed under Jared's heavy gaze.

Jensen's not shy. He knows he's good-looking, knows _Jared_ thinks he's good-looking, but he's not quite as comfortable with his body as Jared is. Especially not when comparing himself to Jared, with his endless limbs, his perfectly ripped abs, broad shoulders and muscled arms and his unfairly proportional cock. He's pretty sure it's impossible not to feel a little lacking standing next to Jared. 

"I love the way you still blush sometimes," Jared murmurs when Jensen joins him on the bed. His hands stroke down the back of Jensen's thighs as Jensen straddles him, before he slowly slides them back up and palms Jensen's ass.

"Shut up," Jensen mutters, embarrassed.

"Hmm," Jared hums, nosing along Jensen's jaw and pressing sweet, stray kisses to his skin. "I love you."

Jensen freezes. "What?" he asks.

Jared tips his head back, looking at him with a small smile. "I love you," he repeats, voice stronger.

"It's only been a few months," Jensen says, but he feels his stomach flutter and he leans in to press a hard kiss to Jared's lips, smiling. Jared tugs him closer and kisses him back. Jensen grins down against him, feeling Jared's cock harden against his hip.

He pulls back after a few hard, deep kisses and pushes Jared onto his back.

Jared smirks up at him. "What are you gonna do with me now, Ackles?" he teases.

Jensen leans over him, propped up on his arms, and brushes their lips together lightly. The moment Jared leans up into the kiss, Jensen draws away with a grin.

"I'm gonna make you come so fucking hard you'll see stars," he murmurs, and Jared's breath hitches.

"Yeah?" he asks.

"Oh yeah," Jensen replies. He kisses along the side of Jared's neck, listening to the soft moans he draws from Jared when his lips find the spot that always drives him crazy.

He kisses and nips and licks his way down Jared's body, sucking on his nipples and dipping his tongue into his navel. Jared is rock hard by the time Jensen reaches his cock and Jensen sits back a little, taking it in his hand and giving him a few, teasing strokes.

Jared bucks up into his hand, his head thrown back and his mouth slightly agape.

"Fuck, Jen," he hisses.

"Nah, not gonna fuck you," Jensen teases. He ducks down, letting his cheek brush against the tip of Jared's cock. It leaves a smear of precome on his skin and he feels Jared's whole body shudder under him.

Lifting one leg, he nudges it between Jared's legs. "Spread," he murmurs, and kneels between Jared's legs when he complies.

He gives Jared's dick a few more, slow strokes and then takes him in his mouth. 

"Holy shit!" Jared exclaims, and Jensen would laugh if his mouth wasn't full of Jared's cock. He slowly moves down, letting Jared slide in inch by inch until he feels him hit the back of his throat. Relaxing his throat, he takes Jared's dick even deeper, listening to the soft curses and moans falling from Jared's lips.

Jared's hands rest on the back of his neck, fingers tangling in his hair, as Jensen pulls back up. He stops when just the head of Jared's cock is in his mouth, swirling his tongue over it.

His free hand slides between Jared's legs, palming his balls.

"Jensen," Jared groans. 

There's light pressure against his head, and Jensen lets Jared guide him back down. He hums when Jared thrusts his hips up carefully, cock sliding deeper. He loves the feel of Jared in his mouth, heavy and thick and so damn perfect.

He bobs up and down a few times, letting Jared's dick slide in and out, before he pulls off with a wet pop.

"Jensen," Jared groans in protest. His face is flushed, eyes half-lidded and his chest rises and falls quickly.

Jensen pats his hip. "Turn around," he says, and his voice is a little scratchy.

Jared sucks in a breath and bites down on his lower-lip, but he flips around carefully, rearranging himself until Jensen is kneeling between his spread legs.

"Want me on my hands and knees?" Jared asks, looking at Jensen over his shoulder. 

"This is fine," Jensen replies. He bends down, peppering kisses against Jared's shoulders and down his spine. His own cock hangs hard and heavy between his legs, and he slides down on the mattress to get some friction, humming against Jared's skin.

He feels nervous as he reaches the swell of Jared's ass and he presses a gentle kiss to the soft skin there. He noses against Jared's crack, feels the muscles in Jared's ass twitch.

"Jensen?" Jared asks, voice confused.

"Shh," Jensen murmurs. "I wanna try this."

He cups Jared's cheeks in his hands and spreads them, dipping down to trail his tongue over Jared's hole.

"Oh holy fucking shit," Jared cusses, and Jensen has to smile. He leans in, swiping his tongue over the same place again and Jared moans brokenly. Jared tastes kind of tangy, not at all how Jensen expected it to be, and it's not bad.

He licks around Jared's hole, only light pressure at first, but the sounds he elicits from Jared sure seem to indicate he's doing something right. He's never done this before with anyone, never wanted to – it's intimate in a way that always made Jensen feel a little uneasy. A guy Jensen had dated for a few months years ago had rimmed him once and Jensen remembers how intense it had felt, how amazing and dirty.

"Baby. More. Please, more," Jared groans, pushing his ass back. Jensen presses the tip of his tongue against Jared's entrance, feels it give, and his tongue slides in a little. He hums, and starts pushing in and out with small, hard stabs.

Jared's orgasm takes him by surprise, his whole body shuddering and his hole clenching up, Jared cries muffled by the pillow he has his face buried in.

Jensen sits back, wiping the back of his hand over his lips. His own breath is coming out in quick, harsh pants and he's so hard he thinks he could come with one single touch.

"Jay," he murmurs, shifting until his legs are on each side of Jared's thighs, pushing them together. He strokes his cock, spreads precome over it.

"Jensen," Jared says, struggling to lift himself up. "Let me."

"Stay like that," Jensen quickly says, nudging one of Jared's legs up until it's bent at his side. He guides his cock between Jared's cheeks, feels how slippery it is with his own spit, tight and hot, and he rocks forward. The tip of his dick bumps against Jared's balls and it doesn't take more than a handful of thrusts before Jensen feels his balls draw up, pleasure tingling down his spine, and he comes.

He collapses forward, shifting to roll them onto their sides and buries his face in Jared's sweaty neck. He presses sloppy, uncoordinated kisses against his skin, his heart thundering in his chest.

"That," Jared pants, "was the most amazing thing someone's ever done to me."

Jensen smiles, tightening his arms around him.

"Jared," he hums, nuzzling Jared's neck.

"What?"

"Love you too," Jensen murmurs.

+

"Jensen." 

Jared's voice is excited, and Jensen blinks awake. Jared's hand is on his upper arm, stroking it and Jensen hums under his breath, leaning into the touch.

"Wha'?" he mumbles.

"Wake up," Jared says, his voice soft and cheerful. He presses a kiss to Jensen's cheek, another to the corner of his lips.

Jensen groans. "What's wrong?" he asks sleepily. He flips around and looks up at Jared blearily, blinking until he comes into focus.

"It snowed," Jared says.

"You woke me up because it snowed?" Jensen asks. He props himself up on his elbows and glances at the alarm clock. "At 8 in the morning?"

"The dogs are getting restless. They wanna go out."

"And you can't take them out why exactly?"

Jared shrugs sheepishly. "I was waiting for you," he says. "The first day of snow, they always get really giddy. It's like they forget what snow is after every winter and they act as if they've never seen it before. It's hilarious."

"Fine," Jensen says, sitting up with a groan. They'd gone straight to sleep the night before, too fucked out, and Jensen really wants nothing more than a few hours of sleep and a shower to clean up. Looking at Jared, Jensen knows he's getting neither.

"You don't have to if you don't want to," Jared says. Jensen can tell Jared's disappointed that he isn't as excited about this as Jared is, and he mentally sighs.

"I'm getting up. Just—have a cup of coffee ready for me by the time I make it downstairs, okay?" Jensen asks.

"Yeah, okay," Jared says eagerly, getting up off the bed.

"Jared," Jensen calls out before Jared has reached he door. "Aren't you forgetting something?"

"Like what?" Jared asks, facing Jensen. He looks genuinely puzzled and Jensen grins. 

"Like, kissing your boyfriend good morning," Jensen says, crooking his finger at him.

Jared laughs and ambles back over. He bends forward, cupping Jensen's face in his hands, and kisses him. "Morning," he murmurs when he draws back.

"Hmm, good morning," Jensen replies, licking his lips. He's tempted to pull Jared back into bed, make him forget about the snow outside, but he lets Jared go with a slap to his thigh. "Go make coffee."

He slides out of bed as Jared leaves, making an unhappy noise when the cool air hits his skin. He gets ready quickly, putting on thick socks and one of Jared's warm hoodies before going downstairs.

Jared meets him in the hallway and hands him a steaming mug.

"Eager much?" Jensen asks.

"Snow," Jared shoots back, as if that one word explains it all. In Jared's world, it probably does.

He watches Jensen closely as Jensen drinks his coffee, looking jittery, and Jensen groans.

"Jared. A few minutes more or less aren't going to make a difference," he points out.

"I wasn't saying anything."

"I feel like you're rushing me with your creepy staring," Jensen complains.

"Creepy?" Jared echoes. "I'm _lovingly_ watching you drink your coffee. I'm pretty sure that's a boyfriend-y thing to do."

"I'm pretty sure it's not," Jensen replies. "In fact, I'm pretty sure you're just being impatient."

"Well, you're being slow."

Jensen sighs. "Fine," he says, gulping down the whole mug of coffee before wiping his hand over his mouth. "Happy?"

"Yeah. Now get dressed," Jared says, shooing him towards the hallway closet. "It's cold outside. Don't forget a scarf and gloves and a hat."

"Yes mom."

He gets his coat from off the rack and throws Jared's at him. They get dressed side by side, bundling up.

Harley and Sadie are both sitting by the door in the living room, eyeing the snow and thumping their tails excitedly when Jared and Jensen come in. 

"Ready?" Jared asks, bending down to pet both dogs. Harley huffs out a bark, jumping up at Jared.

"Okay, calm down, boy. Your daddy is finally up and awake and we can go outside now," Jared says. Jensen rolls his eyes, but there's a pleased smile on his face. He opens the door to their backyard and both dogs squeeze past them, running outside eagerly.

Jensen has to laugh when he steps outside behind them. Harley and Sadie are standing at the edge of the porch, nosing the snow. Sadie takes a tentative step forward and then jumps back, barking.

"Cold, huh?" Jared asks with a laugh.

"Wanna bet Sadie dares to step onto the snow before Harley does?" Jensen asks, nudging Jared.

"You're on. Winner tops tonight," Jared replies, then whistles. "Harley. Go, boy, show Jensen how brave you are."

"You're cheating," Jensen says, and Jared grins at him.

"We never set any rules."

"Fine," Jensen replies. He moves out into the backyard, a few feet onto the white, untouched snow. He pats his thigh. "Sadie, come here. Be a good girl."

"Hey, now that really is cheating," Jared says. He marches out onto the snow. "Harley. Harley, come here."

Both dogs watch them wearily, not moving further than the edge of the snow.

Jensen whistles. "Sadie. You'll get the biggest milk bone ever if you come here."

"Harley, I'll give you steak if you come here," Jared counters.

"Harley, your daddy is lying," Jensen says, pushing Jared aside. "Sadie. Please. Come here, girl."

Sadie watches him doubtfully, but then takes a tentative step forward. Jensen whoops when she takes another one and yips excitedly.

"Ha," he says, turning towards Jared with a gleeful grin. "Your ass is mine tonight, Padalecki."

"Oh please, Harley was letting you win. He was feeling bad for you because everyone knows it's usually your ass that gets pounded."

"Pounded," Jensen echoes. "You're exaggerating your prowess a little there, dear."

"I'll show you prowess," Jared growls. He scoops up snow and before Jensen can flee it hits him in the face, freezing cold and wet. 

"Jared," Jensen cries out.

Jared just laughs in reply, and then turns, running. It seems to be the final encouragement Harley needs to finally venture out into the snow, and both dogs and Jensen chase after Jared.

For being woken up at 8 am on one of his rare days off, it's a pretty good start in the day. For a few hours, everything else fades into the background and it's just him and Jared and the dogs – no work, no movie industry, no pretending. It's just them and it's perfect that way.

+

They split up for Christmas so they both get to see their families for a couple of days, before they meet up again in Los Angeles.

Jared flies in a few hours before Jensen, so Jensen goes straight to Jared's place.

Jared beams at him when he throws the door open and greets him with a hug. He waits until they're both inside before kissing him, his hands grabbing Jensen's face and tilting it up.

"I missed you," he murmurs.

"It's only been a few days," Jensen says, but his lips tug up into a smile. "I missed you too."

Jared tangles their hands together and leads him into the kitchen. "I'd offer you a drink, but I don't have anything," he says with a grin.

"'s okay. We need to go grocery shopping for the next few days anyway," Jensen says. He sits down at the kitchen table, stretching his legs and groaning. The air in the house is a little stale, and, compared to the house in Vancouver, it seems empty, lifeless. Jensen knows it's because Jared shipped quite a bit of his things to Vancouver when he bought the house there last year, arguing that he barely spent any time in L.A. anymore.

"Yeah. I was thinking steaks tonight," Jared says.

"Sounds good," Jensen says. "Just give me a few minutes."

"Sure," Jared says. He stands behind Jensen and starts kneading his shoulders, strong fingers digging into muscles.

"God, I hate flying," Jensen groans.

"I know," Jared says. "At least on the flight home we'll be together. You can nap then."

Jensen leans back until his head rests against Jared's stomach and he tips his head back to smile up at him. "You know me too well," he murmurs. 

Jensen gets bored on flights, and hates being cramped into a seat and not getting to move around. Reading on planes makes him feel a little nauseous, so he usually listens to music and tries to sleep, but only when he's with someone he knows. Jensen refuses to sleep when it's just him, doesn't feel comfortable enough.

"I know you _well_ , but not too well," Jared replies. "I could never know you too well."

"Hmm, true," Jensen agrees, and he turns his head to brush his lips over the soft skin of Jared's arm.

+

Jensen slides his fingers through Jared's, the back of his hand pressed against Jared's palm, and shifts back. Jared is spooning him, their naked bodies pressed together from head to toe.

Jensen breathes out sleepily, eyes slowly sliding closed.

"I think I'm gonna sell this house," Jared murmurs, his breath fanning against Jensen's neck.

"Hmm. Yeah?"

"Yeah. I figured...well, we have the house in Vancouver and it's stupid to have two houses in Los Angeles when we're never here anyway. One place in each city is enough, right?" Jared muses. "Maybe we can buy another place somewhere in Texas one day."

Jensen swears his heart stops beating for one, endless second and then picks up again, twice as fast. "You'd want that?"

"A house in Texas? Sure. I mean, Vancouver and L.A. are home too, but we're both pretty attached to Texas, right?" Jared asks. "It would be nice to have our own place there some day."

"Yeah, some day," Jensen agrees softly. "That'd be nice."

Jared turns his head, kissing the underside of Jensen's jaw. "Hey, Jen?"

"Hmm?" 

"We're living together."

"Yeah."

"And I'm your boyfriend," Jared continues.

"Yeah," Jensen says again, pulling their clasped hands higher, and presses them against his chest.

"We're as settled down and in love as it gets, if you ask me," Jared whispers and Jensen hums in agreement. "I think it's time you ticked that last point on your bucket list off."

Jensen smiles. 

"Yeah," he says softly, turning his head to catch Jared's lips in a kiss. "I guess I can do that."

**the end**


End file.
